Gloria25 Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 Ok, I was involved with a married guy. He divorced his wife, and now has put me as "Plan B" (he'll say things like he misses me and stuff, but then he's always busy, doesn't think we're a 100% match - in other words, goes hot then lukewarm when it comes to me). I'm not sure if his decision to leave her was in part because of me, but some days I feel like I influenced him to arrive to his decision. Part of me wishes he would want to be with me, but at the same time I don't want someone to be with me cuz they feel pressured to be with me. Has anyone been through something similar? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 It sounds like you were his exit affair and he's moved on. Unfortunately without you in it. Don't waste time and energy on ANYBODY who doesn't make time for you. This recently divorced man is free and single, wants to do what he wants/when he wants and doesn't want to be committed to anybody now, nor answer to anybody. Forget him and move on. I know this probably hurts but it seems from what you've said, he is not making you a priority in his life..So, don't make him one in yours. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fitz Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 (edited) Yeah, Whichwayisup is right. I've witnessed this situation twice -MM cheats, gets divorced, enjoys mistress for a few months (but is in no rush to commit), then dumps mistress. The moral of the story is this: People who can't settle down, are people who can't settle down. Not all wayward MM are like this, of course. But if he doesn't immediately show ACTION (not just words) towards a committed relationship with you -then he does not and will not see a serious long term future with you. Sorry to say it, but if this wayward MM isn't 100% full steam ahead for a committed relationship with you -then your relationship with him is doomed just like his marriage was doomed. And there is nothing you can do to save it. Edited August 29, 2012 by Fitz 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 But he's not going to settle down either with the next person who will be riding him, or the one thereafter. Just back off for a while, don't respond to his calls or texting, and you'll become a challenge for him which will make him want to hunt you down again. People who have affairs are inherently unhappy and use you for stress relief, excitement, etc. Develop expectations or have demands and you'll become just another source of stress that they have to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 I broke him in, now someone else will ride him... The title!! :laugh: Ok time to put him out to pasture. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 Positive spin: you are free of the guilt of breaking up his family. He wanted a divorce, and just used the energy from the affair to make it happen. It was an exit affair. The bad part for you is that he's looking forward to the future, and you are just the transition to his future. Nagging someone who doesn't want you won't make him want you more. Has he promised you a future together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted August 29, 2012 Author Share Posted August 29, 2012 Positive spin: you are free of the guilt of breaking up his family. He wanted a divorce, and just used the energy from the affair to make it happen. It was an exit affair. The bad part for you is that he's looking forward to the future, and you are just the transition to his future. Nagging someone who doesn't want you won't make him want you more. Has he promised you a future together? No, he never promised anything. Even when we were having the affair, he pretty much said that if it wasn't me, it would have been someone else he would of had the affair with. When he told me that, I backed off and he started seeing someone else. Then I tried to get back with him and he says he cut it off with her, but eh, here we are... We just chat now and then, he gives me some updates on how he's doing. Now and then he'll say he misses me, but won't make arrangements to see me. I'm gonna just not put too much thought into it...I figure the last thing he wants to be is tied down - to anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
losingmyground Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 Gloria Just wanted to say sorry for the previous comment....it was a little outta line. Thankfully I have never been in your situation. Woman to woman....he sounds like a piece of crap. Good thing he moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted August 29, 2012 Share Posted August 29, 2012 No, he never promised anything. Even when we were having the affair, he pretty much said that if it wasn't me, it would have been someone else he would of had the affair with. When he told me that, I backed off and he started seeing someone else. Then I tried to get back with him and he says he cut it off with her, but eh, here we are... We just chat now and then, he gives me some updates on how he's doing. Now and then he'll say he misses me, but won't make arrangements to see me. I'm gonna just not put too much thought into it...I figure the last thing he wants to be is tied down - to anyone. Wow, Gloria just on that sentence alone RUN! You don't want to be just "anyone". You need to be SOMEONE (special) and the ONLY ONE. He's saying right there that you weren't that special he just needed anyone he could click with. Ouch, don't take that personally, but do accept that's who he is and demand better for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Appreciate the honesty, and try your best to move on. He might realize after testing the waters out there that you are a good fit, and he was lucky, but right now you can't do much about it but move on. Link to post Share on other sites
SBC Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Not all wayward MM are like this, of course. But if he doesn't immediately show ACTION (not just words) towards a committed relationship with you -then he does not and will not see a serious long term future with you. Sorry to say it, but if this wayward MM isn't 100% full steam ahead for a committed relationship with you -then your relationship with him is doomed just like his marriage was doomed. And there is nothing you can do to save it. I have not read the rest of the responses, but I don't agree with this, at all. Seriously, he gets out of a marriage, and if he is not gung-ho and ready to jump back into a full-time committed relationship immediately it means he will not ever come to the decision that is what he wants? I just don't see how you come to that most convicted of conclusions. I say, give the dude a little room to breathe and to get his head figured out. And give yourself the same thing. Maybe you don't really want this guy deep down, and you are expressing this (maybe subconsciously and don't even know it) and he is picking up on it. What is the rush? Link to post Share on other sites
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