i need a hug

[prettylittlethings]

**Please no replies from religious zealots, moralistic angels or ethical elitists.

 

Ugh. I think I just need a hug. This is more of a rant than anything and I think I'm just looking for some positive reinforcement. I am just SO unbelievably disappointed in myself and need some validation that what I did wasn't a terrible thing.

Everyday was such a battle going to work. I HATE my day job. Working 40-50 hours a week sitting in front of a computer is not fun but I did it just to keep a bit of normality in my life.

 

Yesterday I was at my desk working, daydreaming of not being at work and the daily battle which plagues my mind of "I could work 3 hours escorting and make my whole weekly salary" would not leave my mind in peace. My phone is at my desk, always in my sight, and the usual influx of calls from numbers that I haven't seen before excites me. Who is it, please be a good booking, please be someone articulate and not some clueless idiot who I need to explain every fraction of my website to, because well, he hasn't bothered to look at it properly. And please do not try to negotiate, send me nude photos or ask my inappropriate questions because otherwise I will be inclined to be impatient and rude and I already have a reputation of being as such. In this work, I'm my own boss and I do the hiring. My website designers, my photographers, my drivers and security, advertisers, I choose when I work, my clients, my price and it's not cheap.

 

Oh yeah, I'm at work, working a job that I dislike and I'm beginning to resent it more by the moment because I am essentially paying to be here. It's now 8pm and we are working late, I glance at my colleague and give her the "I want to go home look." "Think about the money", she says. CHRIST! The irony. Exactly, THINK ABOUT THE MONEY! I don't think another thought because I know how my mind works and it would've justified that I should stay. Dearest mind, please shut up for a second because I don't want you to do any justifying.

 

So with that, I call my boss. "Alex, I'm really sorry to do this to you, but I'm going to give you my two weeks notice. I'm leaving."

 

The result? Disappointment, loathing, a sense of worthlessness and I'm a FRANTIC mess. I know what I'm like, tomorrow will be a better today. But right now I am panicking like a crazy person.

 

What is going through my head right now is nearly all negative but I'm going to rack my brains for a few positives.

 

NEGATIVE

Why can't you do anything right?

You were lucky to have a job like that at the age of 20 in the first place

You are a FAILURE. You have made a huge mistake. When Alex asked if there was anything he could do to make you stay you should've said that you'd sleep on it.

Stop being so erratic and think about your decisions properly

Nobody answers my calls anymore!! There are only a handful of people who are not phasing me out because of my lifestyle.

 

POSITIVE:

You've just signed lease and moved into a beautiful new apartment in an amazing area, it's okay. You're NOT that much of a failure

You are going to find an even better job that you enjoy within the next 2 weeks

You are going to join social clubs and meet new people

You are going to write out a strategy plan

 

Forgive me, I'm all over the shop right now...

Edited August 29, 2012 by prettylittlethings
more useless things to say lol

[quankanne]

I'm prolly not the best one to hear it from, since I went into a field that is dying a ramped-up death, but honey, no amount of money is enough when you don't like your job. And I don't mean the little irritating things, but the kind of stuff where you wake up in the morning and feel physically ill because you know you've got to do X to pull in a paycheck.

 

a friend once told his daughter that if you do something you love, you'll never have to work a day in your life. And that's how i felt about my career as a print journalist. The money wasn't the best, especially in the sector I was working in, but then again, these guys had to pay me to go home, I loved it so much.

 

and that's what I want you to know at your tender age: No job you hate is ever worth being stuck in. This is a crap economy, and someone is probably going to fuss at you for quitting a position that ensured an income, but sometimes, you've got to just trust your gut and do what it tells you. You'll find more work, especially if you're willing to think outside the box.

 

for now, your main concern is to have the funds to pay the important bills (rent, utilities, transportation/fuel, food). If you've got that covered, your main headache is solved. Be frugal if your budget doesn't have much wiggle room, and take advantage of all the cheap/free stuff that life has to offer. You may just find something fun along the way, right?

 

and please, don't think of yourself as a failure: You only fail when you refuse to try, and it doesn't sound like you didn't try to make this work. Think of this as a learning experience, where you now know just what you are willing to do as far as employment goes, okay?

 

meanwhile, *hugs* ... maybe now that the pressure is off you, your outlook will bounce back and things won't seem so horrible anymore.

[Hawaii50]

>>>>>>hug<<<<<

[Hawaii50]

I've been working in Afghanistan for over 4 yrs... next week is my 30th birthday, and I have Gastroenteritis (stomach flu). Life is definitely not cool at the moment.

 

I do agree with the work situation, though. I'd put a bullet in my head before I went into an office setting. It's the normalcy, redundancy, boredom, bosses-thing that scares me the most. I just can't be sitting for such a period of time looking at a screen doing things I don't want to do. I'd probably become an escort too. but I'm straight, and don't think my wieny would even work for some random woman. Anyhoo, godspeed in your endeavors and hang in there. I think you have the right idea with business, but think you're smart enough to come up with a better plan. Lastly, if you do go with your plan and continue, just use the money you make wisely. I knew drug dealers growing up that bought a house twice a year in his family member's names. Don't waste it, cause you're putting yourself into a dangerous and caustic situation.

 

 

Again... >hugs<

Life is 90% what you make of it.

[todreaminblue]

**Please no replies from religious zealots, moralistic angels or ethical elitists.

 

Ugh. I think I just need a hug. This is more of a rant than anything and I think I'm just looking for some positive reinforcement. I am just SO unbelievably disappointed in myself and need some validation that what I did wasn't a terrible thing.

Everyday was such a battle going to work. I HATE my day job. Working 40-50 hours a week sitting in front of a computer is not fun but I did it just to keep a bit of normality in my life.

 

Yesterday I was at my desk working, daydreaming of not being at work and the daily battle which plagues my mind of "I could work 3 hours escorting and make my whole weekly salary" would not leave my mind in peace. My phone is at my desk, always in my sight, and the usual influx of calls from numbers that I haven't seen before excites me. Who is it, please be a good booking, please be someone articulate and not some clueless idiot who I need to explain every fraction of my website to, because well, he hasn't bothered to look at it properly. And please do not try to negotiate, send me nude photos or ask my inappropriate questions because otherwise I will be inclined to be impatient and rude and I already have a reputation of being as such. In this work, I'm my own boss and I do the hiring. My website designers, my photographers, my drivers and security, advertisers, I choose when I work, my clients, my price and it's not cheap.

 

Oh yeah, I'm at work, working a job that I dislike and I'm beginning to resent it more by the moment because I am essentially paying to be here. It's now 8pm and we are working late, I glance at my colleague and give her the "I want to go home look." "Think about the money", she says. CHRIST! The irony. Exactly, THINK ABOUT THE MONEY! I don't think another thought because I know how my mind works and it would've justified that I should stay. Dearest mind, please shut up for a second because I don't want you to do any justifying.

 

So with that, I call my boss. "Alex, I'm really sorry to do this to you, but I'm going to give you my two weeks notice. I'm leaving."

 

The result? Disappointment, loathing, a sense of worthlessness and I'm a FRANTIC mess. I know what I'm like, tomorrow will be a better today. But right now I am panicking like a crazy person.

 

What is going through my head right now is nearly all negative but I'm going to rack my brains for a few positives.

 

NEGATIVE

Why can't you do anything right?

You were lucky to have a job like that at the age of 20 in the first place

You are a FAILURE. You have made a huge mistake. When Alex asked if there was anything he could do to make you stay you should've said that you'd sleep on it.

Stop being so erratic and think about your decisions properly

Nobody answers my calls anymore!! There are only a handful of people who are not phasing me out because of my lifestyle.

 

POSITIVE:

You've just signed lease and moved into a beautiful new apartment in an amazing area, it's okay. You're NOT that much of a failure

You are going to find an even better job that you enjoy within the next 2 weeks

You are going to join social clubs and meet new people

You are going to write out a strategy plan

 

Forgive me, I'm all over the shop right now...

 

 

 

Here's a hug ...big one....I don't understand what job it is you do or is the routine that bores you into hating it the long hours.....I would stick it out .....take some time to breathe.....escorting is high risk and even though it is good money the affects can quickly cancel any financial benefit it is also high risk and can be physically and mentally damaging.I am not judging you please I am the last person to judge> i Know a bit about escorting.If it is to venues or parties as a companion that doesn't involve sex then it is safer I guess even then you never know who your clientele might turn out to be.

 

 

When I am all over the shop and a bit flighty I try to not make any major life decisions unless they have to without a doubt be made for me to move forward so I would hold off changing jobs until you can think clearly.the strategy plan sounds great the new apartment lucky girl you have some opportunities coming up that sound wonderful.Take some time out go dancing one night let your hair down and do something you enjoy doing go for a massage a facial take a longer lunch break adn get a 20 minute massage.

40 to 50 hours i s along working week take some time off but dont quit.cut your hours back....reassess what is important to you and chase a dream or two......only when you dont feel all over the shop you sound like you are heading to melt down you need to be good to yourself and take a break when you come back you will see things with new eyes and a fresh body to do it with...i recently readjusted my plan for life.....its a bit nerve wracking but i am excited with the path i am taking and i often go melt down i have that capacity to burn out and let things get on top of me......i wish you the best and here's another hug......ps spend time with good friends they re energise your resolve to do the best you can do........they love you so they will be extra support so you dont feel all alone in it....solo sucks sometimes....only good when you don't want to rely on anyone to get you there or you cant rely on anyone except yourself...solo is hard yards....deb

Edited August 29, 2012 by todreaminblue

[pureinheart]

[quote=prettylittlethings;4224156

Ugh. I think I just need a hug.

 

 

((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[whichwayisup]

You did the right thing and even though you're freaking out, maybe second guessing your decision, don't! And even more so, stop beating up on yourself!

 

Hugs!

[prettylittlethings]

Thanks guys. I feel a bit better about everything today. I start freaking out when I'm not occupied all the time but it definitely wasn't for me.

 

quan- Just to clarify money isn't an issue at all now...I have time for my other business.

 

And no need to do any saving todreaminblue but thanks for your response. I actually like my job as an escort, although it can feel socially isolating at times which is why I like to keep one foot in the real world. I'll get back there soon enough, but if I'm going to pay for some normality than it's going to have to be something I LOVE.

[quankanne]

glad to hear that finances are not a big part of any worries ... sounds like you just need to step back, take a deep breath and then go where your heart takes you. Sometimes the hardest thing is to make that decision that's best for you, even though it may not seem so on the outlook ...

[tkgirl]

maybe you should meet my creepy coworker... he'd probably be happy to hug you!