Friends Problem

[Heather]

Okay I just want to know what everyone thinks about this situation.

 

A mutual friend of mine and my finace' is having relationship problems. He has been with this girl for about 5 months and he has a habit of rushing into things. When he met her he had just gotten out of a bad relationship, and immediately moved in with her. She had also just gotten out of a bad relationship with the father of her 3 children. He is still in and out of the picture and she treats my friend like crap big time! He is so good to her and will do anything for her. She totally takes advantage of him! Well believe me everyone has pointed this out to him.

 

And recently she broke up with him because of something she heard that was not true! She threw him out of the house and her ex immediately moved back in! They started to tell everyone that they were getting married the day that she threw my friend out! Well I thought that he was going to stay away from her this time. Until she called his cell phone and started to appologize and say she loved him (she does this everytime!) She asked him to come and throw her ex out of the house because she has too big of a heart to do it herself (yeah right!)

 

Anyway he has been back with her for about a day and 1/2 and she won't let him go do anything to her ex. But yet he is still messing with her while she is living with her ex! I can't stand her she is rude to him and everyone else. She puts on a big front for everybody! She hates me and my finace' behind our backs but in front of our face she is our best friend! And that is the same way she is with my friend. He says is only back with her to mess with her mind like she has been his. I don't believe him! He is getting sucked in all over again!

 

Well sorry for the length but the whole situation just makes me sick!

[Tony T]

You don't have control over your friend but you do over yourself. Do not see this girl, do not have her over, do not socialize with her and tell your friend you want nothing to do with people like her...and be firm. No need for you and your fiance to be hypocritical in this thing.

 

It is tragic that you have a friend with such low self esteem. However, we all go through things we need to to learn a lesson about. The lesson for you is stay out of your friend's business. Getting involved in any way with the love lives of others, particularly situations like this, can only serve to destroy friendships. If she was nice, by all means you and your boyfriend could endorse the union with your visits.

 

People who are attracted to abusive users like this lady come from abusive families or were abandoned some way in their childhood, physically or emotionally, by someone who meant a lot to them. They are afraid of intimacy because of the resulting pain following abandonment and therefore protect themselves by becomming involved with women who will not offer them emotional closeness. That is the safe thing for them to do. If he was abused as a child, he is right at home with this lady.

 

Like an alcoholic or anyone else with some sort of problem, he will not seek help to heal himself until he realizes he has a problem. It may take him getting stomped a few more times. He may even marry one of these witches and, when he gets dumped, go into an emotional depression that will drive him into counselling and begin the growth process he needs.

 

Sometimes people accidentally catch talk shows that deal with these issues and suddenly realize they are listening to a program about themselves. Maybe that will help.

 

But, right now, if you really love this friend, all you can do is be kind and patient. Every man has to work out his destiny in his own way but you don't have to be a part of it.

 

Go back to the main message page, scroll up a few posts, and read Paulie's post about John Bradshaw. Getting your friend some of Bradshaw's books or tapes for Christmas might turn on a few lights for him and set him on a different path.