Obese co-worker that thinks she's a health expert

[Gracie22]

This is no big deal...but I'm trying to see if anyone has a "nice" way to deal with this.

 

I have a female co-worker that (she told me this!) weighs 245 lbs and is 5'2". She's a bit know it all...she is very intelligent. She loves to tell me and most of my co-workers how to eat "healthy". Meanwhile she's chowing down in the lunchroom on leftover mac-n-cheese and slab of steak. I usually eat veggies and lean protien (not to mention I workout about 6 hours a week and am very healthy). She really has no basis for telling me or anyone else how to be healthy.

 

Normally, I just ignore her. I feel bad; it has to be so hard being that heavy. But she also complains constantly about not being able to lose weight. Once she came out for drinks after work and CRIED about it for an hour. I've tried encouraging her to walk with a group of us at lunch (that lasted for about a week). I've tried taking her to subway for lunch (but she orders a foot long bacon ranch chicken sanwhich and claims its healthy).

 

Is there another way to encourage her to eat healthier (so I don't have to listen to the complaining anymore)? How can I let her know that her idea of "healthy" is not correct and she should not tell me what to eat?

[Minnie09]

Cut her some slack, for crying out loud. It's not that she's inconveniencing you or something, right? She's obviously unhappy with her weight, and needs some tlc. She needs some attention because she feels low. Try to empathize a little bit. What's the problem, really? Sometimes I wonder if people are so bored that they have to look for problems.....

 

She weighs a lot, she's short, hell yeah she needs some ego-stroking. She eats unhealthy food, that's her problem. Just keep eating better than her and exercise more, and you'll be a role model. That's all you can do, unless you want to prove her wrong and have a "talk" about how stupid she really is. Everybody knows you're thinner and healthier, and hence you're right, and she's fat and desperate, and hence she's wrong. Leave it at that. Be a good girl. You don't need to prove your point. Be supportive. If she makes comments on what YOU should eat, tell her why you won't. And leave it at that. It's not a problem. Really. She has the bigger problem, trust me.

[Emilia]

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Is there another way to encourage her to eat healthier (so I don't have to listen to the complaining anymore)? How can I let her know that her idea of "healthy" is not correct and she should not tell me what to eat?

 

I can understand why listening to someone's distress would be frustrating day in day out

 

How about sending her some website links on healthy eating to help her? She is talking about it after all, you could just point her in the right direction that way

[tman666]

I think the best course of action here is to share what you do in terms of diet and fitness with her IF and only if you're asked. Other than responding honestly when asked, I don't think there's a good way to approach her problem. And really, it is her problem, not yours.

 

One of my good friends is obese. He's asked many times over the years for training and diet advice. I have gone the extra mile (since he's my friend) on multiple occasions to not only write training programs and dietary guidelines for him, but also to include him in my gym activities. Every time, he's walked the walk for a little while and made some progress, but eventually he starts making little excuses to not do what he's supposed to. From there, the excuses snowball and he's back to his old ways before too long.

 

I cannot control what he puts in his mouth. I cannot make him go to the gym. Even at the gym, I cannot make him push himself. All of that has to come from within.

 

Back to your situation, I highly doubt that a lack of education is the primary cause of your co-worker's problem. Probably the best way to help her is to lead by example, reach out to include her in your activities (while not forcing anything on her), and avoid validating her know-it-all attitude.

[Gracie22]

You are all right. It isn't my problem. But I (along with one other co-worker) are the only people that will even go to lunch with her. this has been an ongoing saga for years. She has completely ostracized herself due to her attiude. Tman66 and donnamaybe are right - I shouldn't validate. I guess that would be the nicest way to handle it at this point.

 

Sorry, Minne09, I think you are wrong. Obesity is an epidemic in the USA and it effects everyone (think healthcare costs). It's not ok. I am not going to stroke her ego because she doesn't take care of herself.

[Madman81]

Suggest that she try Atkins. Emphasize that it'll allow her to eat all the meat, eggs and cheese she wants, just next to no carbs. It's not meant to be a permanent eating regimen (though a lot of uninformed people think it is), but it'll probably jumpstart her weight loss, give her some results that she can see on the scale and in the mirror quickly, and boost her self-esteem.

[Minnie09]

Well, yeah I agree that obesity is an epidemic and there should be more awareness as far as a healthy lifestyle is concerned. It starts with parenting and education.

 

You were asking how to handle a specific situation, though, and since you're dealing with a person who's already stressed out about not being able to lose weight, you would just add more stress by telling her that she's doing it all wrong. Trust me, she already knows it, she just can't help it, because food can become an addiction for some. I'm not saying you should applaud her for being overweight, but if people already suffer and they get bashed and criticized, they tend to eat/drink/smoke (fill in whatever problem/addiction they have) even more, and your criticism is not going to help them. If you get tired of her smartass comments, ignore them or explain why you think she's wrong. Of course it's not good for her to eat footlong bacon sandwiches with mayo for lunch, but if she's not a total retard, she knows that. She's just trying to find excuses to justify.*

[sally4sara]

There is no magic diet for this woman to try. Adkins is bogus and so is the idea that you can eat all the *whatever* you want and still lose weight.

 

It is simple math and biology. X amount of calories goes in your mouth gets pitted against X amount of calories your body burns in that day. If you only burn 1600 calories a day while stuffing yourself with 2200 calories of eggs, meat, and cheese that day will only result in you gaining weight.

 

How Many Calories Do You Burn In A Day? « Weight Loss Success Stories for BlackWomensHealth.com

[Madman81]

There is no magic diet for this woman to try. Adkins is bogus and so is the idea that you can eat all the *whatever* you want and still lose weight.

I and several people I know have tried it, and it works. The caveat is that your rate of weight loss slows as you gradually reintroduce carbs. Take that as you will.

[fucpcg]

Unhappy people always love to carry their luggage of problems over to your place, then unpack.

 

She doesn't sound like a completely emotionally stable woman. I don't have unconditional tolerance for people like this. If she came to me and asked for help, not looking to vent but seriously wanted help, I'd give her all I could give to help her. If she was looking to improve seriously, but was having a tough day, and needed to vent that particular day, I'd give her all the help I could give.

 

If she is a whiner, know it all, unstable, telling me what to do with my life person, I'd tell her to F off. I don't care if she is overweight and miserable with her life, those were here choices, that she must now live with

[fucpcg]

Adkins is one of the most legitimate, and most successful diets any person can implement, if you have the strength to do it. It is absolutely the BEST thing you can do as an obese person. Bodybuilders implement adkins type strategies all the time into their diet plan, the legit successful ones anyway.

 

If you think Adkins is a joke, then so is your knowledge of nutrition and dieting.

 

And dieting is simple math is another crock. While may be the case for body weight adjustments of 5% or less, you may need to know little more than daily calorie consumption. Real dieting, whether for an overweight/obese person, or us bodybuilders who like me can go from 200 to 165 for a show, dieting is as complex as calculus.

Edited August 30, 2012 by fucpcg

[sally4sara]

I and several people I know have tried it, and it works. The caveat is that your rate of weight loss slows as you gradually reintroduce carbs. Take that as you will.

 

Yeah, that's why NIH (National Institute of Health) has it in their list of bogus diets.

Carbs tend to have a high calorie content so sure, if you eliminate high calorie content items from your diet you will take in a lower amount of calories. But eating the same amount of calories in a day with only proteins and low carbs as you did with with high carb items will not result in weight loss.

Physical activity that burns more calories than you've eaten is the only sure fire way to lose weight.

 

My mother and the rest of the female members of my family swear by Adkins and have for years and years. Not a single one of them ever seen a noticeable loss in weight; my mother is still over 200lbs and has been since I was 8 years old. Here it is, 30 years later. They still think Adkins works, even got my tallest cousin on it after her second child. She has stayed the weight she wanted to reduce. I've always figured it bogus and I'm the shortest woman in my family, a mother, and the only one to never deal with weight gain problems.

[Woggle]

Just tell her to mind her business. A bit off topic but does anybody else notice that a lot of health nuts smoke? I remember a coworker who was always preaching about how people should eat yet every half hour she was outside puffing away.

[Greznog]

I would've called her out on her nonsense a long time ago.

[FitChick]

When she gives you advice just say, "Thanks, but I do what works for me." and change the subject. Maybe have half a dozen topics in your head ready to change the subject whenever she starts up. "Interesting. Say, did you hear about that penis head fish they discovered?"

 

Maybe do your errands at lunch time so you don't have to eat with her.

[RiverRunning]

This sounds like my future sister-in-law. I'm right along the cusp of overweight/obese (down from being morbidly obese years ago - WOO). FSIL went from 5'4" and 135ish to around 180ish pounds. Now suddenly she's also a health expert and they only eat this at their house and blahblahblah. People like that are so boring.

 

I can understand feeling insecure about your body (so many of us do). But this half-assed twisted inferiority-complex-disguised-as-a-superiority-complex thing is tired. The next time she wants to start in on you about healthy eating, yep, give a, "I know how to take care of myself, thanks." If she says something to you again...blatantly ignore her. I know that may come off as cruel, but it's also effective: if she doesn't get a response, she will eventually stop her behavior.

 

But if you really can't take that tactic, I would pull her aside someday and say, "Co-worker Jerk, I know that you mean well, but I don't know if you realize just how often you're going on about healthy eating and making comments about what I eat. It really bothers me. If you would like me to send you some web sites on exercise or healthy eating, I would be glad to do so."

 

Try your best to be friendly to her a little while longer. Maybe she's just so enmeshed in her little "I'm healthy" fantasy that she doesn't realize how often she's spouting this crap off and making enemies. I think it's fair to offer you the help you can, but beyond that you're eventually going to have to cut her off socially - no one wants to be the crying shoulder for someone who refuses to do anything to help themselves.

 

Dieting and losing weight is not easy and I feel for anyone who has been there (I was once about her size, comparatively speaking). But at some point you have to get up and you have to eat right and work out as much as you can, as consistently as you can, without anybody else. You have to stand on your own two feet to get through life. No one else can monitor what you eat and all that all the time.

[january2011]

OP, how does this affect her work? Is she competent, gets good reviews, able to meet and possibly exceed her remit?

 

If yes, then I would go with FitChick's advice. Sometimes, you cannot save people from themselves, especially if they have spent years building up barriers and excuses to self-sabotage. You're not her friend, therapist or doctor and while you obviously feel some sympathy for her and her situation, you may not be able to make a significant difference in her life plus do your job.

 

If, however, her behaviour affects her job performance (or yours), then I'd have a word with HR. You don't need to make a formal complaint, but having something on record means that they can monitor the situation, if required. Bursting into tears at work and being disruptive suggests that this may fall under HR's remit rather than yours.

[Scorch]

It honestly sounds like she is lonely and seeking some form of attention from the people that will actually be around her.

 

Can you make a suggestion to your boss or whomever to start a Biggest Loser type of program at work? Maybe make it a competition with teams and the team that loses the greatest percentage of weight or whatever after 12 weeks or something gets a fun prize? Maybe THAT would help get her motivated.

[ferel]

You are all right. It isn't my problem. But I (along with one other co-worker) are the only people that will even go to lunch with her. this has been an ongoing saga for years. She has completely ostracized herself due to her attiude. Tman66 and donnamaybe are right - I shouldn't validate. I guess that would be the nicest way to handle it at this point.

 

Sorry, Minne09, I think you are wrong. Obesity is an epidemic in the USA and it effects everyone (think healthcare costs). It's not ok. I am not going to stroke her ego because she doesn't take care of herself.

f***in right! overeating and fat azz lazy people are exactly like drug addicts living with no self respect and should be treated like junkies. especially those who take moral high ground about addicts and sh*t like that. f'in hypocrites need tough love like a boot in the azz every day until they get their sh*t together. they can thank you later when they see how disgusting they were in retrospect...just like addicts.

[ferel]

also in my experience when people talk about doing stuff (like exercising and dieting, quitting whatever blah blah) they actually have much less chance of actually doing said thing. its like a jinx. speaking from personal experience on this one. when your gonna do it you do it you dont talk about it.