just had to let it out....

[melegirl24]

Well this is my first time doing this, but here it goes...

I haven't been feeling the best about myself lately, but I think its because I have a hard time letting go of things, For example my life has been a huge roller-coaster, I have a dead beat father, my mom is an ex drug addict(1year sober because she was in jail), so I've had to learn to take care of myself from a very young age. Well I thought I did a pretty good job, but lately I have been seeing something that i know need to be changed. I am very insecure about my life, always thinking everything is my fault and that i mess everyones life up around me. And i think i have some resentment towards my parents for forcing me to raise myself and grow up a lot faster than i should have, i never had the chance to be a kid. So that could be the cause of some of my issues.

 

Well anyway that was just some background stuff...I just have a problem trusting people and I always feel like I'm not good enough. I mean I always think "maybe i could of done this and this wouldn't have happened.." stuff along those lines. So as you can see I am pretty messed up, because I also have a problem with being so negative all the time and its hard for me to trust people. but i think that could stem back from my childhood because it seems like all the people i trust, strew me over and every time i get my hopes up about something..some stupid stuff happens. It just seems like my life is always gonna be bad and nothing good is ever gonna happen. I just need some help, but my pride and the fact its hard for me to trust people gets in the way of that. but soon i know i'm gonna have to get help because i might have a breakdown and i don't want to have one of those.

 

because i have all this stuff bottled up in me and i know its not healthy...i also need some anger management because i seem to always be angry. But i just had to let it out because my boyfriend suggested i do this because it might help me feel better to get it all out and it does... so thank you everyone for reading this and if you have any similar situations or feeling i would love to hear about them.

[RoboHobo]

I was the boyfriend in your story till about two weeks ago so I do know some of what you are going through. My only advice is to open up to your boyfriend completely, let him know what your issues are. Go to a therapist to discuss the subject too. It is extremely important that you resolve all the mess out. I say go to a therapist because they are trained to help you realize issues that you have hidden from yourself, not because I think you are crazy. I want to go to one, I just can't afford one at the moment.

 

Believe in your boyfriend, as hard as it might be for you try to place trust in him. When you get angry, stop and a think what emotion the anger is hiding and why you are feeling that emotion. It's going to be difficult but start doing it now. Sort it out now is all I can say. My ex broke up with me because of issues that stem from a bad family life, we had been together for fourteen months when she realized that she needed to deal with her past to have a good future. She was also so used to having to be independent that when she realized she was depending on me she became scared and withdrew. Now I am left hurting because, even though we love each other, there is no definite sign that she will come back to me. To be fair to her I have depression issues that I need to resolve too and she saw that. To me she is the most amazing beautiful person in the world. Don't let your parents mistakes dictate your worth. I know just how strong a person you have to be to raise yourself, my ex did it, she couldn't see the strength in herself either. You are strong and from the sound of it a really cool person, be proud of who you are. Take confidence from your strength, but don't let yourself fear for loosing your independence. We are all independent, but we also all need someone to share our triumphs and losses. Let your boyfriend be there for you.

[Tatiana82]

I don't think you are messed up at all. The way I see it is, you did what you had to in order to get through life. You aren't alone in how you feel at all. There are many people, myself included, who go through trust issues, bad memories in childhood, struggling self-esteem and the list could go on. I think people who are going through these things, both those who've beat it and those who are still fighting it, are nothing short of amazing. It takes a very strong willed person to have to deal with all of this in their head and go about thier daily lives too. I don't see a darn thing wrong with you at all, in fact I see a lot of strength there. How else could you have gotten this far if you didn't have a significant amount of strength?

I think it's great that you're finding a way to let all of this out. Have you ever considered a journal as well? Those are great little anger relasing tools. If you feel someday you are ready to get a counsellor that would be a big step too, however you are the only one who knows if that is the thing for you. Keep your head up and I hope things get better for you soon.