Is this an Overreaction on My Part?

[turnera]

The children are at home, but not aware of anything (I think). I believe this is a contributing factor to why my wife hasn’t pulled the plug herself, but I’m not sure about. We don’t exactly talk anymore, and I think that’s been the case for a while now.

If your kids are older, you need to let them know what she's doing. They will (assuming your marriage/family was not dysfunctional) give her hell for doing this. Sometimes, that's all it takes to stop an EA.

 

Remember, your marriage can survive her anger; it can't survive a third person.

[turnera]

hl

I have asked her if she is having an affair, and she always says no, “they are just friends”.

Stop asking. That makes you look weak. That makes her lose respect for you. Women have to respect their man to love him. She respects her boss because he went after her. THAT is manly (in her drug-addlled mind).

 

What matters is that YOU are unhappy so YOU expect her to respect the marriage and change what makes you happy. And for goodness sake, stop asking a cheater if they are cheating.

[turnera]

She then went to our bedroom and took down all of the photos of her and I together and wedding related. What is that supposed to mean?

A deliberate act to manipulate you back into being wrapped around her finger. It was meant to shock you into begging her to give you another chance. That's how little she thinks of you now. And now that I know she is a Type A, it's even MORE imperative that you man up and stop interacting with her. SHOW her what life without you is like, if she continues to disrespect you. Give her your lawyer's business card, to 'give to her lawyer.'

 

And read No More Mr Nice Guy, like TODAY!

[LifesontheUp]

You've been together a long time, just as I was with my xH. All that time, your OH knows how to play you, push your buttons and if they are that way inclined like your wife is, manipulate you.

 

The best way to handle this I found, was do things exactly the opposite of what they expect you to do. This throws them off track and lets you feel more in control of your own life.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this. Continue on your track.

[Reg]

Turnera I believe I’m heading in the best possible way now. I’m not paying any attention to her actions. I’m having very little interaction with her at all. I see a lawyer tomorrow

[drifter777]

OP: How did your meeting with your lawyer go?

[Reg]

The lawyer put many things in perspective, as far as my sequence of event (choices). I was advised not to go to OM’s W or his and my W’s management, because that action will most likely cost me a lot of money.

 

Therefore, for now I will continue to work on splitting our finances and creating separate accounts, while also dealing with my wife in 180 mode. The eventual goal is to separate and probably divorce.

[Recovering_Wayward]

I am late to this thread and I can't read it all. Does the OP actually have PROOF that she is cheating with her boss? IF she is, well, I think you need to confront her with the evidence. But if you have nothing but suspicions, you need to back off. People travel on business trips for business. I sometimes travel with my employees, some of whom are female. traveling on business in and of itself does not mean an affair. And yeah, I email my employees and sometimes talk on the phone. And I get that some of them want to socialize with me a little bit on the road in order to suck up to me. I get that. But I'm not boinking any of them and never would. Your insecurity is showing. Yes, I would say you should keep an eye on the situation, but you vastly over-reacted and now are coming across as controlling and insecure -- not attractive qualities. You won't keep your wife by trying to control her every interaction with males in the world, especially at work. In fact, unless you have solid evidence, these types of accusations will tend to drive a spouse away, and perhaps cause the very thing you fear most. back off for now. Keep eyes open. SNOOPING is stupid. I'd walk out the door if I thought my wife was snooping into my email. It's just plain wrong. Either you trust her or you don't. If you don't, then you need to leave her. If you do, you need to stop this behavior if you want things to last.

Edited September 19, 2012 by Recovering_Wayward

[Recovering_Wayward]

someone please tell me why returns don't work ...how does one insert a paragraph break here?

[2sunny]

I am late to this thread and I can't read it all. Does the OP actually have PROOF that she is cheating with her boss? IF she is, well, I think you need to confront her with the evidence. But if you have nothing but suspicions, you need to back off. People travel on business trips for business. I sometimes travel with my employees, some of whom are female. traveling on business in and of itself does not mean an affair. And yeah, I email my employees and sometimes talk on the phone. And I get that some of them want to socialize with me a little bit on the road in order to suck up to me. I get that. But I'm not boinking any of them and never would. Your insecurity is showing. Yes, I would say you should keep an eye on the situation, but you vastly over-reacted and now are coming across as controlling and insecure -- not attractive qualities. You won't keep your wife by trying to control her every interaction with males in the world, especially at work. In fact, unless you have solid evidence, these types of accusations will tend to drive a spouse away, and perhaps cause the very thing you fear most. back off for now. Keep eyes open. SNOOPING is stupid. I'd walk out the door if I thought my wife was snooping into my email. It's just plain wrong. Either you trust her or you don't. If you don't, then you need to leave her. If you do, you need to stop this behavior if you want things to last.

 

He doesn't trust her. That's why he's divorcing her.