frozensprouts Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 A question... ( please note...this does not apply to the vast majority of other men/women, but rather to the few who really are "predatory") There was a thread on here dealing with why an other man/woman would see a married person as fair game, but it was directed at other men/women. I read some of the replies, and some of them reminded me of the other woman my husband got involved with...she really is a "serial other woman' and is quite predatory( I know, I know, he didn't have to respond), and has gone through several other married guys since then. My question is why would someone selectively choose married men/women in that way? What is the attraction of a married person? Do the wife/kids at home factor in, or are they seen as "competition"? If you were someone like that in your past, what made you prefer relationships with married people, and stopped you from being that person? ( anyone can feel free to answer this thread) Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 I think it was skylarblue that posted a possible explanation in another thread here. My H has said the OW(3) he was with pursued him repeatedly, even to the point of begging for him to have sex with them. They all knew he was married with young kids, it simply didn't matter as long as they got what they wanted. They all told him how "hot" and good looking he was, especially in his uniform. (all occurred during business hours) Link to post Share on other sites
beenburned Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Her post is on page 3 of "the attraction of a MM". Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 My recollection, chronicled in my journals here, was that the person most significantly an MW in my life decades ago was not wearing a wedding ring and did not disclose her marital status until a couple months into our dynamic. Later (a few years later), she would contact me while 'separated'. It would only be many years later she would reveal she was having a PA with her employer during our 'getting to know' period. After that experience, I became far more wary of people's relationship status, less trusting in general, and didn't become emotionally attached to MW's, though some sought me out as a triangulation to their M's. A more general 'why' was, absent clear evidence of being married, and married healthily, there has historically been vigorous competition for females in my area, due to the demographics here (more men than women and women getting married young) so, anytime there is an inkling that a woman is considering leaving her M, males descend. I sat on the sidelines for a number of years and watched other men take advantage of that lethargy but finally had to throw myself into the fray or remain single permanently. Later, as I developed more world experience, I would venture out to find areas where there was more balance and available single women. After that, I pretty much didn't give MW's any consideration. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 I had a female friend who used MM for sex and she would find these losers on CL. I asked her what the appeal was and she told me she felt safe with MM because if they got too close or too controlling she would get rid of them by using the threat of calling their wives. So it was a safety net. I was one of the few single guys she had ever been with and ultimately, we are no longer friends because I am now married and know not to hold on to opposit sex friends. Especially if you had sex with them in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 It's a very complex dynamic. Generally it is a subconcious drive to best or compete with the unsuspecting BS...and is generally related to parental abuse or abandonment. It becomes EMPOWERING to win a man or woman away from their spouse. Which means, at crucial times in childhood, the OW or OM felt completely powerless. Sad, very sad, and very destructive. Frequently accompanied by a PD, such as narcissism, bi-polar, borderline, or histrionic disorder. It is more about a pathological need for attention, empowerment, and winning a competition of sorts rooted in childhood futility. I call them Spidey Women or Spider Men.....and they are out there! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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