Do most women "wear the pants"?

[zig]

So I came across a website about FLR (female led relationships). I did some research and it seems like it's some new craze, apparently brought about by 1- the feminist movement and 2- some kinky bondage fetishes that men have.

 

All else set aside. There are a lot of men who claim they are so much happier when they just let their wife or g/f lead. I'm pretty old fashioned and have been taught the man is supposed to wear the pants in the house.

 

BUT, in all the marriages I know, the woman has a lot more clout than the man will ever admit to. I would say most of the relationships in the U.S. the woman has 'most' of the say.

 

What I'm trying to say is this. When I give into my g/f's requests instead of arguing with her I'm usually happier in the end. It's better than fighting and sleeping on the couch. Plus, the arguments I do win are few and far between. So it's not always worth the effort.

 

I guess I'd be called pussy whipped here on L.S. I'm not. I'd say I'm average. I just wanted to write this post and see if anyone is openly in a female led relationship and if they like it or not. Both men and women.

[KungFuJoe]

My wife wears pants. But I prefer her in short skirts. Actually. I prefer her with nothing at all.

[threebyfate]

My husband's big on my ass in jeans.

[somedude81]

Yeah, sure, I'd have no problem with the woman leading the relationship if she went through all the trouble of wooing me and making sure I have a good time.

[Badsingularity]

most of the time it's a recipe for sexless relationship, where the woman doesn't even know why she is no longer attracted to her man and the man becomes resentful and passive aggresive due to the lack of physical closeness.

[ThaWholigan]

most of the time it's a recipe for sexless relationship, where the woman doesn't even know why she is no longer attracted to her man and the man becomes resentful and passive aggresive due to the lack of physical closeness.

This^^^

 

How it usually plays out in my observations. I'm not really one of those people who thinks that the man must lead 24/7 around the clock, but unless he is with a woman who's masculinity is more prevalent than her femininity, it's better if he has some decisive edge and stands his ground more often than not when it comes to boundaries and what he will accept in terms of behavior and indeed disagreements/arguments.

[EasyHeart]

When I give into my g/f's requests instead of arguing with her I'm usually happier in the end. It's better than fighting and sleeping on the couch. Plus, the arguments I do win are few and far between. So it's not always worth the effort.

This is the realization that most men reach. Women generally seem more eager and willing to fight, so that gives them the power to run things. At least until you have an issue where you're willing to fight back with equal ferocity. At that point, the good women back down; but some will fight to the death over every little thing.

 

And a lot (most?) women like to run things until something goes wrong. Then they suddenly look at you with an exasperated look and say, "You're the man. Why don't you do something?!?"

[threebyfate]

This^^^

 

How it usually plays out in my observations. I'm not really one of those people who thinks that the man must lead 24/7 around the clock, but unless he is with a woman who's masculinity is more prevalent than her femininity, it's better if he has some decisive edge and stands his ground more often than not when it comes to boundaries and what he will accept in terms of behavior and indeed disagreements/arguments.

I'm a bit more equalist. Individuals need to set healthy boundaries of behaviour from and to their partner, passing the steering wheel off to the partner with the most expertise within this given area.

 

It makes no sense for me to stand my ground when it comes to my husband's expertise within his legal discipline just to assert myself. Same works in reverse, if my husband were to stand his ground when it comes to matters of finance and investments just because he's a man, I'd lose complete respect for him.

 

Be prepared to hand off the steering wheel willingly but also, don't be unwilling to shoulder responsibility.

[carhill]

I guess it depends on what 'pants' are....

 

In a 'traditional' M, one I was familiar with and socialized within, day to day it seemed like mom 'ran things', because she was the household manager and full-time mother and social calendar organizer. From my perspective, day to day, dad 'went with the flow' since his responsibilities lay with his profession and overseeing major financial and parenting decisions, the last two of which I was not privy to and where he and mom worked them out together.

 

To me, 'wearing the pants' is where one spouse predominantly submits to the other in a passive way, with the dominant spouse 'wearing the pants'. I saw more of a synergistic process where each 'wore the pants' to their respective strengths, with neither dominating the other. This would prove out when my dad was dying of cancer and mom was caring for him 24/7 but she would still defer to him on matters of estate planning and finance in preparation for his death. Even though she labored constantly, his strength in those areas was still respected and adhered to, even though physically he was weak and submitting to her care.

 

This particular 'balance of power' worked poorly in our M.

 

I figured that out in MC. Wrong generation; Incompatible partner mix. Learned a lot.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm a bit more equalist. Individuals need to set healthy boundaries of behaviour from and to their partner, passing the steering wheel off to the partner with the most expertise within this given area.

 

It makes no sense for me to stand my ground when it comes to my husband's expertise within his legal discipline just to assert myself. Same works in reverse, if my husband were to stand his ground when it comes to matters of finance and investments just because he's a man, I'd lose complete respect for him.

 

Be prepared to hand off the steering wheel willingly but also, don't be unwilling to shoulder responsibility.

I wholeheartedly concur with this.

[Lonely Ronin]

I think the vast majority of the who's in control crap, is really only important to insecure people. All the happy relationships I know, don't care who is in control as long as they are both happy.

[ThaWholigan]

I think the vast majority of the who's in control crap, is really only important to insecure people. All the happy relationships I know, don't care who is in control as long as they are both happy.

The thing is, there are a LOT of people out there who have a mindset that facilitates the theory of power plays. "Dominate or be dominated" is the motto of this theory, so everyone is playing a power game to a large extent. And this is no more apparent than in relationships in my opinion, hence the cliché "the one who cares the least controls the relationship". It's funny to see people like this in a relationship with somebody who doesn't adhere to this principle - it literally fried their systems into shock for a while .

[Badsingularity]

if my husband were to stand his ground when it comes to matters of finance and investments just because he's a man, I'd lose complete respect for him.

 

Be prepared to hand off the steering wheel willingly but also, don't be unwilling to shoulder responsibility.

 

A man should not stand his ground just because he is a man. He should only do so if he is certain he is right about something. He should also be able to listen to his woman and acknowledge when or if he is wrong on occasion.

 

What I'm saying is that in almost every relationship where you find that the woman is leading most things in the relationship, making the majority of the decisions, and setting most of the rules, you will also find a woman who has nearly zero or very little attraction to her man.

 

When the opposite is true, this is usually not the case.

[threebyfate]

A man should not stand his ground just because he is a man. He should only do so if he is certain he is right about something. He should also be able to listen to his woman and acknowledge when or if he is wrong on occasion.

 

What I'm saying is that in almost every relationship where you find that the woman is leading most things in the relationship, making the majority of the decisions, and setting most of the rules, you will also find a woman who has nearly zero or very little attraction to her man.

 

When the opposite is true, this is usually not the case.

Gee...wonder why feminism came about?

[Lonely Ronin]

The thing is, there are a LOT of people out there who have a mindset that facilitates the theory of power plays. "Dominate or be dominated" is the motto of this theory, so everyone is playing a power game to a large extent. And this is no more apparent than in relationships in my opinion, hence the cliché "the one who cares the least controls the relationship". It's funny to see people like this in a relationship with somebody who doesn't adhere to this principle - it literally fried their systems into shock for a while .

 

I'm kind of a hybrid, I'm fine with her sharing the decision making load, but if I feel my partner is waffling, I'm going to push for a decision to get made, or just make it by myself. This was a big issue in one relationship I had, she knew what she wanted, but would never just come out to say it. Every decision became a game of 20 questions, that narrowed down to final answer. I'd get irritated with her, and she would get irritated with me for getting irritated with her (we didn't last very long). Needless to say I've come to hate the phrase "I don't care you pick".

[zig]

I think the vast majority of the who's in control crap, is really only important to insecure people. All the happy relationships I know, don't care who is in control as long as they are both happy.

 

That's what I'm finding out. Sometimes I have to give my g/f the "yes dear" even when I don't agree with her. Yeah, I stepped down and maybe she got her way but I'M HAPPY and so is she! It's hard to say as a man with an ego but my g/f is probably more right than I am most of the time on issues of this or that.

 

My girl is amazing. So smart and caring. She has qualities and insights that I just don't have. I have no problem just doing what she says sometimes. And when things come up in my area of expertise she looks to me to be her hero.

[Badsingularity]

Gee...wonder why feminism came about?

 

?

 

please explain

[KungFuJoe]

Hard for me to relate to this thread because I argue with my SO about twice a year. But I can't imagine ever saying "yes dear" when I don't agree. If I don't agree I say "I don't agree" and whether or not we would continue to discuss the subject would depend on how important it was.

[threebyfate]

A man should not stand his ground just because he is a man. He should only do so if he is certain he is right about something. He should also be able to listen to his woman and acknowledge when or if he is wrong on occasion.

 

What I'm saying is that in almost every relationship where you find that the woman is leading most things in the relationship, making the majority of the decisions, and setting most of the rules, you will also find a woman who has nearly zero or very little attraction to her man.

 

When the opposite is true, this is usually not the case.

 

?

 

please explain

The assumption that generally speaking, women are happy being doormats. So untrue.

[zig]

What I'm saying is that in almost every relationship where you find that the woman is leading most things in the relationship, making the majority of the decisions, and setting most of the rules, you will also find a woman who has nearly zero or very little attraction to her man

 

I assume you also mean a sexless relationship. I wonder how many women in a man dominant relationship would actually just stop having sex if they had a choice. Man says, "time for sex" and woman says ok.

 

I'd rather hump a couch before ever having sex with a woman who actually wasn't enjoying it.

 

Nevertheless, I do think there is something to be said about how women can lose respect for a male that has no backbone. BUT, just because a man lets her woman make the rules doesn't mean he isn't masculine. I think you can submissive to your g/f and still be strong and masculine?

[Badsingularity]

The assumption that generally speaking, women are happy being doormats. So untrue.

 

Women should not be doormats.

 

That only invites abuse from weak men.

 

If a woman knows that her man loves her and is a good man, a smart man, a knowledgeable man, and only wants good things for her she will usaully have no problem letting him lead in a relationship.

 

Many women find this attractive.

 

When I talk about leading I'm not talking about controlling.

 

Women should always speak up for themselves when they believe they are being treated wrong or when their man is wrong about something and I already mentioned men should be open to listen to their women and let her lead on occasion.

 

 

All I am saying is that when you see a relationship where the woman is MORE assertive than her man and leads MORE in the relationship than her man she usaully loses attraction to him.

 

When you see a relationship where a man leads more than the woman and where he is more assertive than his women you will find that she is still attracted to him.

[irin]

so none of you ever heard of being in a 50/50 relationship?

 

strange!

[Badsingularity]

so none of you ever heard of being in a 50/50 relationship?

 

strange!

 

 

My wife and I both understand that men and women are equal but different.

[ThaWholigan]

Women should not be doormats.

 

That only invites abuse from weak men.

 

If a woman knows that her man loves her and is a good man, a smart man, a knowledgeable man, and only wants good things for her she will usaully have no problem letting him lead in a relationship.

 

Many women find this attractive.

 

When I talk about leading I'm not talking about controlling.

 

Women should always speak up for themselves when they believe they are being treated wrong or when their man is wrong about something and I already mentioned men should be open to listen to their women and let her lead on occasion.

 

 

All I am saying is that when you see a relationship where the woman is MORE assertive than her man and leads MORE in the relationship than her man she usaully loses attraction to him.

 

When you see a relationship where a man leads more than the woman and where he is more assertive than his women you will find that she is still attracted to him.

The exceptions being where there are pairings between women who are more masculine in nature and men who are more feminine in nature. I have relatives who are in a marriage like this and has been going for 35 years - the woman is more dominant and the man less so. Yet it has still worked up until now. There are a lot more couples like this than you would believe actually!

[zig]

All I am saying is that when you see a relationship where the woman is MORE assertive than her man and leads MORE in the relationship than her man she usaully loses attraction to him.

 

I see that in dating relationships all the time. In marriages or LTR's I'd have to say it's different.