Sugar_Cube Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Hi, Just a question I have. Anyone ever give someone else an ultimatium because you felt you had no other choice? If so, did the ultimaitum work? Its always been to my understanding that if you give someone an ultimatium, you should follow through with what you say, because if you don't, the other person will not believe you and continue to do what he/she is doing because they don't take you seriously. I have some people say that they feel ultimatiums are not good and doesn't help things. What are others opinons on this? Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 By the time you give an ultimatum that you mean, the relationship is pretty much over anyway. You're using emotional force to get what should have been freely given. You do it because you've no alternative -- it's that or a kind of emotional death. Several years ago, I gave someone I loved an ultimatum: treat me as I deserve or it's over. He chose to walk away. I chose to let him. I'm much happier now. Yes, it hurt terribly -- but it also forced to the surface an underlying truth. He wasn't willing to give as much as he should have. I'd known it for some time, but allowed the situation to continue because I couldn't bear the thought of not having him in my life. In hindsight, I realize I should have just broken up with him rather than bothering with the ultimatum as a last gasp. Ultimatums you don't mean are just plain manipulative and cruel. Ultimately, you can't force someone to feel or behave as you wish. If you do, the fix is only temporary -- won't last. For a relationship to work, it has to be interally motivated by both parties, maintained out of love and not fear. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Oh, I don't know. It depends on the circumstances. I told my husband that if he didn't get off his lazy ass and help me around the house, that I would go on strike and not do anything. I didn't do housework for months! He wanted to have friends over and I said NO because I didn't want anyone to see the house the way it was. I also stopped doing his laundry and he ended up sleeping on the floor for quite some time. I came home one day and found the dishes had been washed and the trash taken out and some other things done, so I started cleaning up too. Every once in a while I'm forced to go on strike again though. One time instead of going on strike, I just threw out all of his crap (and the kids--they thought it was great that they didn't have to do any chores) and I threw out a lot of toys and kids clothes too. It was laying all over the house so I picked it up in garbage bags and actually I took it to a charity, didn't just throw it all out. When pleas and admonishments do not work, I take action. Link to post Share on other sites
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