How important is affection to you in your marriage?

[Badsingularity]

How important is affection to you in your marriage?

 

Would like your spouse to show you more or less?

 

Do you notice a correlation between the amount of affection you give or recieve and the amount of intimacy there is in the relationship?

[soccerrprp]

The demonstration of affection is MONUMENTAL for me in a relationship. If none, it's time to move on. Or if not enough, it's time to move on.

 

I just don't think a relationship can be successful if the level of affection is not reciprocated likewise. Someone is always going to feel that they are not getting enough and that is a potential recipe for straying.

[xxoo]

Affection is hugely important for both of us. Kind words and midday hugs and caresses lubricate the daily grind of work, kids, etc. It's a bright spot, for sure!

 

I get plenty, but wouldn't want less.

 

By intimacy, do you mean sex? Or closeness?

 

Either way, my answer is probably the same. When we are connecting strongly, that tends to carry over in affection, sex, and emotional closeness. When we are arguing, that carries over as well.

[Badsingularity]

To answer my on questions...

 

Affection is very important to me in my relationship with my wife.

 

I think right now we show eachother just the right amount of affection.

 

I do see a correlation between the amount of affection we show eachother and the amount of sexaul intimacy in our relationship.

When one is high so is the other.

[HHC]

Who wants to be intimate with someone who can't show affection?

[standtall]

Affection is big for me, since I grew up in an affectionate family. My wife is a lot less than me, but we meet in the middle.

[losingmyground]

How important is affection to you in your marriage?

 

So very, very important. I can have all the sex I want, but if I do not get the hugs, the arm over the shoulder, the kiss or the random pull you back and just hold you, then I feel lost. ILYs are just words. I need the action to back it up.

 

Would like your spouse to show you more or less?

 

I always want more. That was what I asked for when our sex life seemed to dip. If you can't show me without us laying down and you expecting sex, then I feel like a piece of meat.

 

Do you notice a correlation between the amount of affection you give or recieve and the amount of intimacy there is in the relationship?

 

Absolutely...the more attention outside the bedroom, the more sex. I will take it a step further....the better the sex too.

[Gagirl]

Affection is very important to me. No affection, no marriage.

[M30USA]

I, personally, believe men need more affection than women. Women seem to need romance and adoration (and obviously money/security); while men just wanna have their back rubbed, hair played with, and other things that help them chill out after working their asses off all day.

 

My wife admitted that she is not an affectionate person. This could have been a problem in our marriage.

[Radagast]

How important is affection to you in your marriage?

 

Would like your spouse to show you more or less?

 

Do you notice a correlation between the amount of affection you give or recieve and the amount of intimacy there is in the relationship?

 

Affection is critical to me in a relationship. My ex-wife did not do affection, and I spent decades trying to "fix" her so that we could have a "normal" relationship where she would hold me, touch my cheek or kiss me. Nothing.

 

My wife is the opposite. She's physically spontaneous and has no physical hang-ups. And our intimacy levels are just great!

[eleanorrigby]

I think physical affection is one of the things that helped save our marriage. Even when I'm really angry:mad: I can't resist a back rub and he's always willing to give one even when he's angry .

 

Once we are touching, feelings are just not as hard as they were a few moments ago.

[BetheButterfly]

How important is affection to you in your marriage?

 

It's extremely important to me. I'm a naturally affectionate, huggy person, so having tons of hugs and kisses and caresses and even playful swats on my behind from my hubby are very important to me

Would like your spouse to show you more or less?

 

I feel our affection for each other is good, not needing more or less, because basically we kiss and do all the above whenever we feel like it, which is all the time (and yes, we are the kind of couple that show pda... sorry)

Do you notice a correlation between the amount of affection you give or recieve and the amount of intimacy there is in the relationship?

 

I do. However, both my husband and I are naturally touchy-feely lovebirds. We love touching each other and when we go somewhere together, we're always touching each other, including in the car. it's a part of our emotional connection - to be physically connected in some way lol.

 

However, people are diverse. Some of my friends include couples who do not believe in pda. They also are not so much wired to always be touching. That is fine too and works great for them.

 

So, I don't think there's a mandatory law that says a couple has to be extremely affectionate. It really just depends on the personality of the couple and what is important to them!

[BetheButterfly]

I think physical affection is one of the things that helped save our marriage. Even when I'm really angry:mad: I can't resist a back rub and he's always willing to give one even when he's angry .

 

Once we are touching, feelings are just not as hard as they were a few moments ago.

 

Agreed with this!!!

 

When I get upset, nothing calms me down like my hubby taking my hand, looking me in the eyes, and communicating, and after that - sex then back rubs and cuddling

[Nyla]

Affection is very important to me. My Love Language is Touch.

Home - The 5 Love Languages®

 

My husband grew up in a reserved Scottish family. Nobody wept at funerals or said "I love you" very often. My husband was rarely hugged growing up.

I taught him how to enjoy kissing, hugging, cuddling and saying "I love you."

Now my husband is a big mushball. I love it!

 

If you are referring to sexual intimacy, we are a very high drive couple.

When we are not making love because of my cycle or illness, we remain very affectionate.

[xxoo]

I think physical affection is one of the things that helped save our marriage. Even when I'm really angry:mad: I can't resist a back rub and he's always willing to give one even when he's angry .

 

Once we are touching, feelings are just not as hard as they were a few moments ago.

 

Yes, touching and holding hands while arguing is one simple way to reduce intensity of anger, and begin to connect rather than disconnect. It really helps.

[j'adore]

I know that for a fact, my MM wanted affection not sex. i know that his BS is not affectionate. We have had a dday, he has already seen me since and we have hugged. I would like to know how long he can go without this time.

[threebyfate]

If it's PDA, as in groping in public or tongue down throats, no thanks. When it comes to affectionate gestures in public like holding hands, hand on back/elbow, arms around each other, the odd peck on the cheek, this is lovely.

 

At home without an audience, anything goes except butt smacking (I hate this with a passion). It's pretty common for him to watch TV while I'm on my laptop, back against him where he's got his arm alongside/loosely draped on me or even sometimes, in a gentle strangle when he doesn't like what I'm posting!

 

As a family, we're pretty affectionate with lots of hugs for each other. Bump has no qualms about running up to either one of us, demanding to be picked up, hugged, reassured or giving little kisses on the cheek. I guess I overdo the hugging with him a bit since he can't sit still for very long unless he's exhausted. Prior to getting my current fat tummy, most favourite thing was when he fell asleep in my arms, his fluffy little head smelling sweetly of clean boy from his bath.

[JamesM]

How important is affection to you in your marriage?

 

Depends on what your definition of affection is. If it is kissing and hugging, then it is very important. If it is saying "I love you" then it is important.

 

Would like your spouse to show you more or less?

 

Since I love it and she doesn't show enough, then more.

 

Do you notice a correlation between the amount of affection you give or recieve and the amount of intimacy there is in the relationship?

 

Yes and no. But I would say it is the other way around. If we have more sex, then she is more affectionate. Since we do not have sex very often, then her desire to kiss and hug goes along with that. Some days she kisses and hugs. Many days we go along and put it on the back burner.

 

Is it more important to me than her? Yes.

[pteromom]

I am not highly physically affectionate. I enjoy holding hands when walking somewhere, or hugging hello/goodbye, etc.

 

But I get easily irritated being touched at times. Like when I am sleeping - HANDS (and feet and knees) OFF!

 

Or if I am doing something like trying to read, and he comes up and wants to be all huggy/kissy, it's annoying. Especially since when he's like that, it only means he wants sex.

 

Now, if you are talking about EMOTIONAL affection, that is very important to me. Saying ILY, giving compliments, talking about life and goals etc... that's all very important to me.

[Badsingularity]

so having tons of hugs and kisses and caresses and even playful swats on my behind from my hubby are very important to me

 

 

We love touching each other and when we go somewhere together, we're always touching each other, including in the car. it's a part of our emotional connection - to be physically connected in some way lol.

 

 

 

Sounds similar to my wife and I. We are very affectionate.

 

I'm glad you are so happy in your relationship.

[babbles]

When my H and I met i was extremely affectionate however as time went on and when i tried to kiss or hug him he would either turn the check or push me away... this happened for years and years...i used cry alot about it...

 

so now after 13 years of marriage i have given up and do not give any affection .. i feel a little dead or sad inside as i long to be kissed passionately (i never really have).. he has tried but it was really uncomfortable...he does cuddle me sometimes but only when i am busy doing things...so now i just let him make the moves..it doesn't sound very good but that is my life and i think that is the way it will be... i can't change him i know that.. i have tried..

 

we have 2 children...i do love him but not like maybe i should... i know he relies on me emotionally..he is extremely loyal and a really good man.. i am pretty lucky in that respect..

 

is this common?

[Barrsitter]

This is an interesting thread and confirms how I feel also. Been divorced for 20 years and really miss affection, commitment and sex with a M who thinks I hung the moon.

 

Marriage is not a marriage without physical connection. It's a friendship. The physical connection is what distinguishes a marriage from a living arrangement or friendship.

 

My advice is that if you are not getting the physical connection that you need and your spouse refuses to deal with it, leave. Go find someone who won't refuse what you are entitled to in a marriage...physical intimacy.