ryannapa Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) Hello everyone! I was having an affair with a married woman, It lasted for about a year. She told me she loved her husband, but was not in love with him. She said that she has told some people about us. Well anyway, her husband finds out about us. He called her at work. She said I hope he has his bags packed or just tells me to get out. The next day I call her at work to find out what happened. She said I promised him, I wouldnot talk to you anymore. I said ok.. and hung up the phone. I was thinking what the heck! but just said ok. I guess I should mention that we used to work together. After a couple of months, she would have a coworker call me asking for my help on a project, knowing full well, I did not have the information anymore. The conversation would end with the coworker saying , the MW said hi. This happened a couple of times. The MW called last week, asking for something for work, I did not ansewer but she called a short time later saying she figured it out. She also told me the business would be moving to a differnt location, she let me know where. She ended the message with I hope you are doing well talk, to you later. I really do love the MW, Im just not sure if she is feeling lonely or really does want to be in contact again. I have no idea if something has changed with her situation or not. I know I should not call, but what if she has changed her mind? She has talk to him before in around about way about getting a divorce. She always says he makes her fell like a little child and that she has no say in anything. I think that may be a reason why she stayed, she is very passive. I just want to talk to her to see if something has changed. Does she want me to contact her? Edited August 31, 2012 by ryannapa Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Don't speak to her again. Start dating an available gal. She calls because she wants her ego feed from you. Don't be that guy. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) Probably things are under control at home and she's ready to resume the affair. If you are happy with it and interested, she's available. If you had dreams of being together, ask for that and don't resume the A. Edited August 31, 2012 by cutedragon 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryannapa Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 (edited) Have you guys or gals gone through this, if so, how did you handle it. Edited August 31, 2012 by ryannapa spelling Link to post Share on other sites
Leelou Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 She listened to her husband and ignored you for two months, without even a 'goodbye' conversation... now that all is okay at home, she's back to being bored and wants to pick up with you. But she wants to be pursued. She is bored and wants you back. So, you ask if 'something's changed'? Nope, she will still remain married but will welcome your chasing and your advances. How are YOU feeling? Are you okay with the way she dumped you, when convenient for her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Hello everyone! I was having an affair with a married woman, It lasted for about a year. She told me she loved her husband, but was not in love with him. She said that she has told some people about us. Who exactly did she tell? Who are these some people? Relatives, friends, work collegues? Well anyway, her husband finds out about us. He called her at work. She said I hope he has his bags packed or just tells me to get out. Yet she doesn't have the balls to come clean and tell him truth, then divorce him so she can be with you.. If she was totally in love with you and didn't lover her husband, what stopped her after he found out about the affair? Give that some thought. She had the perfect opportunity yet she chose to stay.. The next day I call her at work to find out what happened. She said I promised him, I wouldnot talk to you anymore. I said ok.. and hung up the phone. I was thinking what the heck! but just said ok. That was the deal they made when he chose to give her another chance at regaining his trust. She could have said no, I want out..But she didn't. ALL the more reason to stay away from her. She isn't looking to leave her marriage. I guess I should mention that we used to work together. After a couple of months, she would have a coworker call me asking for my help on a project, knowing full well, I did not have the information anymore. The conversation would end with the coworker saying , the MW said hi. This happened a couple of times. This is her testing the waters. Seeing if you'll take the bait. Again, she isn't looking to leave the marriage, she's possibly hoping to keep in touch with you for her own selfish reasons. She isn't thinking of you or what it'll do to you/how you'll feel. NC is the best for you because you can heal..And she knows this yet doesn't care. The MW called last week, asking for something for work, I did not ansewer but she called a short time later saying she figured it out. She also told me the business would be moving to a differnt location, she let me know where. She ended the message with I hope you are doing well talk, to you later. Again, she's fishing. Hoping and waiting for your reaction. Continue to ignore and dont' call her. I really do love the MW, Im just not sure if she is feeling lonely or really does want to be in contact again. I have no idea if something has changed with her situation or not. I know I should not call, but what if she has changed her mind? Changed her mind as in? Starting the affair again? Or divorcing her husband? What does your gut tell you? From what you've said so far, there's nothing saying (co worker telling you 'hi' from her doesn't equal, MW is divorcing) nor her telling you about her work/business situation. NO mention of divorce, right? So, this means ego feed for her with no strings.. She has talk to him before in around about way about getting a divorce. She always says he makes her fell like a little child and that she has no say in anything. I think that may be a reason why she stayed, she is very passive. I just want to talk to her to see if something has changed. Many WS (wandering spouses) make up or exaggerate stuff about their betrayed spouse..It's a manipulation tool to get what she wants, in a selfish way. I'm advising you not to call her. She knows that the A is over, her husband wants her to stay in NC mode with you. Yet she is reaching out.. Do you want to continue the A with her and be second fiddle? All the more reason to stay away unless you want to be the OM in her life. If not, ignore her. Or next time she calls, tell her that you're not interested and it would be best for her to let you go and focus on her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryannapa Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 Wow! Thanks everyone, I really needed to hear some feed back. I will take your advice and not contact her. Thank you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I know I should not call, but what if she has changed her mind? Then the words " I have left my husband" would have come from her lips. It hasn't so she's still in the same place you left her. Does she want me to contact her? Of course she does... She needs you to make her feel special. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Former OM here. There is a typical pattern happening after DDay. As soon as the dust settles at home they get bored again, take the BS for granted and miss the OM. Some resist to the NC, some not. It takes years for a XMW to get over an OM, even if they don't admit it. The highest the feelings, the more difficult for them to get out of the circle. The post affair period is like going in circles : she contacts you - you cave in - you see nothing has changed - you get mad and resume NC - she calls back again - you cave in - you see nothing has changed............etc. It is ALL about HER. She wants to feel desired, wanted again but zero intention to change anything. Some xMW stay with their H but their feelings are damaged forever, the void survives. Then they start the cat-and-mouse game. They don't want you but won't let you go. Will ask you if you have a girlfriend etc. Will get mad if you say you are with someone else and you will be like WTF! It is a mind-f@%ng game ! Don't enter that game. Does she have children ? If not, she really has zero excuse ! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Yes, she does want you to contact her again. Unless you are ready for this roller coaster ride of hot and cold behavior, showering you with compliments and affection one day and ignoring you the next, then run to the hills and forget about her. A WS is interested in how you can make her feel at particular point in time as opposed to how she really feels about you. That's why you won't hear from them for a while until they get bored, can't handle an argument with her husband, or need a quick sexual fix. They are master manipulators and very gifted in the art of shifting the blame. If you do hook up again she'll probably blame her hiatus on you, or how you handled it. etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryannapa Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 Yes, she does not have any children, that is why it's so hard to understand why she can't leave. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Yes, she does not have any children, that is why it's so hard to understand why she can't leave. It's called security. Women who have affairs still need that sense of security that a man can provide in order to make her life easier. You know, fixing the sprinkler system, doing her taxes, installing a fancy bathroom faucet, letting him pay the lion's share of the bills, regardless if she tells you that "I have a great career and make excellent money". To put it simple terms: (married woman having affair)=(getting the best of both worlds+selfish+decision making disorder) Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Wow! Thanks everyone, I really needed to hear some feed back. I will take your advice and not contact her. Thank you so much! Follow your heart, contact her she has most likely changed her mind. If you believe that she truly loves you then go for it! Don't listen to bs they are all desperate heart broken people. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Follow your heart, contact her she has most likely changed her mind. If you believe that she truly loves you then go for it! Don't listen to bs they are all desperate heart broken people. Uhh, yeah, that's what it is, or maybe, just maybe some of us have been through the same damn thing and seen the same resutls of a fishing expedition over and over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryannapa Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 Rick, What happened in your situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryannapa Posted September 6, 2012 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 You guys were right... She wanted to start the affair again, but her situation has not changed one bit! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 You guys were right... She wanted to start the affair again, but her situation has not changed one bit! Hopefully you told her to go suck an egg..? Don't let her back into your life. You deserve better and not to be second fiddle. Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 You guys were right... She wanted to start the affair again, but her situation has not changed one bit! What did you expect? That she asks you to marry her ? It started as an Affair..Affair is ALL you will have. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Sounds like she needs some serious psychological help. Run! Run away and never return. Link to post Share on other sites
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