Online love story... is this too soon to be in love?

[SweetBee82]

I don't know where to begin. Ok I gotta start by saying this....... I'm in love! OMG he's just the sweetest guy ever. Lemme tell ya our story.

 

It started back in December. I've just got out of a volitile marriage (I got married very young) and thought I dated around, I wasn't ready for anything serious with anyone. One Saturday morning, I was checking my email on AOL and decided to go to the 20s Love room. I was very aware with all the jerks that were online so I don't give much info out. Then I got an IM from someone from the room who's not far from where I live. We talked for a while online until he had to leave for work at the recruiting office. (Yeah he's in the miltary.) We exchanged numbers and within minutes, he called. Very sweet guy, may I say. May I add his name is Rob.

 

We would talk to each other on the phone and online for the next couple of weeks and quickly I began to like him. Then just before Christmas, he sent me an email telling me (in French... I'm such a sucker for French) that he's falling in love with me. I suddenly put a wall up. I remembed when I first went out with my ex-hubby, he quickly told me he loved me. I didn't want to make the same mistake again so I decided not to return the feelings to Rob. However, I did liked him a lot and just wanted to get to know him better.

 

On New Years, we finally decided to meet each other. We didn't live far (I live in Brooklyn, Rob lived in the Bronx) but his military job prevents him from traveling far. Our date was at Central Park. I was so nervous. I knew what he looked like but I was afraid that the person I was chatting with wasn't the person I thought he is. Instead he was exactly what he was online. I felt so safe and happy when I was with him. Oh and our first kiss by the fountain.... picture perfect. We got strange looks from strollers but at that point, it was just us and no one else. Sadly, we couldn't stay to see the ball drop at Times Square. But we promised this year we will (if we stayed together). As I left the city, I was crying most of the time because I missed him. At that point, I was beginning to realize that I was falling for him too. But then the thoughts of my marriage held me back. I was afraid that he'll hurt me just like my ex did. I also didn't want Rob to be known as the "rebound guy" because it wasn't long ago that my ex and I offically broke up.

 

The next couple of months, I pushed him away. I thought I didn't deserved him because I was a very young divorcee. I knew deep down Rob would never hurt me but I didn't want to do the same mistakes I did before. Then out of no where, my AOL was canceled, so we lost contact. It was a good oppurtunity though to really build my life over again. I quit my low paying job and went back to school. I started to lose weight. I was able to take care of myself instead of relying on others. For the first time ever, I was very happy and confident. I wasn't gonna let any guy bring me down anymore just like what my ex did when we were together.

 

Then about mid-April, I got AOL back. The first person who contacted me was Rob. I was shocked because I thought he would get over me. In reality, he didn't. I wanted to see him again but I knew I had to wait because of his job. And so I waited... and waited... and waited... and I thought that he was playing me so I lost hope. But on my birthday, he IMed me. Though I knew how I felt about him, I still put a wall up. I even told him that I didn't deserved him.... which lead to an arguement. We then went without talking to each other for 2 weeks. He would email me however, telling me that he doesn't care about my flaws and just wanted to be with me again. Suddenly, I was watching the news about all the kidnappings and beheadings happening in the Middle East. The first thing that came to my mind is what if Rob went there and he gets kidnapped and beheaded? I never knew that something as heavy as an image of someone being beheaded can make me realize how much I truly love him. I have to let go of the past and embrace the present and future. I wasn't going to hold back anymore. I forgave him and finally let my guard down. The next few weeks, we talked to each other every single day, always hinting what we really felt about each other.

 

Finally, last weekend, after months of ups and downs, we saw each other again. When I saw him, I almost cried because I was so happy to see him again. I just knew that this is the real deal. We would spend the whole afternoon holding each other. Then we both finally told each other how much we love each other and it was worth the wait. When we said goodbye to each other, I didn't want to leave but I knew we have to.

 

So there's my love story. However, I don't know.... we only saw each other twice, however knew each other for months. Is it too soon or is this ok?

 

 

Thanks for reading.

[moimeme]

It is entirely possible to love someone at a distance but before people leap in, allow me to qualify that.

 

We love people for the sum of who they are and, of course, attitudes and values are important components of who someone is. If you find out that someone's attitudes and values are noble or admirable or whatever it is that impresses you, your liking for that person will increase. You can even love that person because, at that point, you love what you do know and I don't think that is implausible.

 

However. There is a great deal more to a person than his attitudes and values. There are all the aspects of his behaviour you don't yet know (is he rude to old ladies? is he an ignorant driver?) that may put his stated attitudes to the lie. I was briefly with an abusive man who had written a beautifully eloquent letter to the newspapers against abusing women. People with serious character flaws deny the flaws to themselves and may seem, on paper (literally!), to be wonderful but the real test is whether they live up to their stated views or how they report themselves in terms of how they behave.

 

For instance, he may say he always showers the women he loves with affection but you may find that, in fact, he's not affectionate. He may say he gets mad only briefly and you may find that he goes into week-long snits where he won't even speak to you.

 

So now you need to add the rest of him to what you now believe about him - whether or not he lives up to how he pictures himself. Some people have very realistic images of themselves and report themselves accurately and others are not sufficiently self-aware to write or speak the genuine truth about themselves.

 

If he turns out in person to be all you believe him to be based on your discussions, then your love will likely grow and flourish. But it takes a good six months and often more to really know a person and become familiar with all aspects of his personality. I hope that it turns out that he's everything you now believe him to be!

[clia]

If you both had each other's phone numbers, then why did contact cease between you when your AOL was cancelled?

[SweetBee82]

Originally posted by clia

If you both had each other's phone numbers, then why did contact cease between you when your AOL was cancelled?

 

I deleted the number on my phone after my AOL was briefly canceled. I thought at the time that he moved on and that I was just a fling. Gladly when I got it back, I asked him for his cell number.

 

As for the other poster, thanks again for that advice. Right now, though we know how we feel about each other, we're gonna try to take things slow. I know that he's going away to for Army duty in 2 occassions next month but we'll be seeing more of each other before and after that. We also agree that right now should be just the 2 of us... that we're gonna wait just a little bit before meeting the family (most likely he's meeting my mother first before I meet his mom in upstate). The good thing about this now that we got to know each other a bit... ok a lot. Yet there's a few things I still wanna learn about him.

 

Thanks again for replying.

[Gemini02]

You're story is really amazing:) After all the ups and downs like AOL still being cancelled and you're STILL talking and stuff, I would take that as a sign you know? Maybe it is meant to be. But you still gotta be careful- get to know him more.

 

I met my boyfriend online, and I found that talking online and on the phone is a great way to get to know people because you are forced to JUST talk, ya know? Getting physical isn't even an option- which sometimes can get in the way of getting to know someone...

 

Just take it at a comfortable pace and enjoy it. Everybody goes through heartbreak, but you have to let yourself love again. If you learn from the heartbreak and vow to make your next relationship even better, and you let yourself be stronger from the information you learned, you'll feel a lot better about yourself and a lot better about your new relationship!

 

Good luck!

[SweetBee82]

Aww thanks! Rob's looking for an apartment and he asked me to help him look for one. I can't beleive how much he trusts me on picking an apartment for him. I wished he can move in the little apartment in the basement of my new house but it wouldn't be enough room for him and his pets. But I already offered him to stay in the guest room should one day he decides to stay over. But one thing for sure, when I'm home from school and play my answering machine to only hear his voice, that just made my day. I usually make his day by calling back and leaving a message or just talking to him during his lunch hour. Gosh, I miss him so much. At least I got the paper flower he made out of a McDonalds napkin as a reminder of him from our first date, while he's got my cruxifix pendant.

[chicasha]

wow...that's quite a story. I hope things work out for you. I think you're doing the right thing by taking things slowly.

I think you should meet each other's friends though, even if you don't meet eachother's families for now.

You don't necessarily want to be in a bubble where its just you and him.....because in the real world, you will be interacting

with eachother's friends and families a lot, and people behave differently around different peopel....their true colors come out.

You want to make sure that you see his true colors, and that you can live with them. There's nothing wrong with that...no-one's perfect, eveyone has little annoying habits and stuff. But....you just need to find out if there are other things about him that you are ok with. Meeting his friends would be a good indication of that.....people are usually themselves around their friends...and by hanging out with them, you'll get a whole different picture of Rob. If it is truly meant to be.....you'll like that picture of him too :-)

(and vice versa).

I don't think its a bad thing that you're falling in love with him after only seeing him twice. You have email/phone, and you're making the best of a situation through those types of communication methods, which shows that he cares about you, that he's willing to keep in touch with you even if he doesn't get to see you.

 

But.....like I said, its good you're taking it slow. Good luck to you!!!!

[SweetBee82]

Thanks Chicasha! I was thinking of getting him and his Army friends or his high school/college friends together to go to a Yankees game around September so that way I can get to know his friends. But I'm gonna leave this up to him.

 

I see what you mean about meeting the friends. I should've listen to my friends when I was with my then-hub. They all liked him at first but then he manipulated and lied to them. Thankfully, I had my friends when he pulled his last stunt on me when I was abroad last summer. My hub took money out of my checking account to put a deposit on an apartment in which I never completely agreed on. Instantly, they (my friends) to me to dump him for good when I come back from Europe, in which I did.... though it wasn't easy. But yes, it is good to have them meet the friends so then they can see your true colors. I did talked to one of his friends on the phone once but briefly but that doesn't count.

 

The main thing is that I don't want to make the same mistake again. When I was with my ex-hub (I was 18 when we met and got married), we fell in love fast and well... everything went fast. Now that I'm older (ok I'm still young, only 22) and learned a lot from that relationship, I know what to do when I'm with Rob. For some reason, I have a good feeling about this one. He seem special for a good reason. I was there when he's mad and when he's feeling down. I was there when he's at his happiest. And most of all, I always get a warm feeling when I talk to him on the phone or exchanging emails or even see each other. OMG I'm getting red thinking about him.