BELOVED Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 I cheated on my husband of 12 years with a guy I went to hs with. Am now separated to figure out my feelings. I have been unhappy in my marriage for about 3 years now. Problem is I'm not exactly sure what makes me so unhappy. The other man is a complete a-hole I ditched him but am affraid I will try to reconcile with my H so I'm not alone or perhaps am rebounding. Any advise? I do love my H just not sure I can live with what I did although guilt is a useless emotion. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 First of all, no you don't love your husband. If you loved your husband you would'nt of cheated. The whole i was unhappy for 3 years does not give you the excuse to cheat. You should've been out looking for couple counseling to try to work things out with your husband not getting on with his friend. I think you need to first of all tell your husband. Communication is soooo important in a relationship. If he is willing to forgive you and you want to stay with him then you both seek out counseling to fix the problem. You'l find out why you are unhappy and why your doing what your doing. But you have to tell him. Its not fair for him not to know that 1- your unhappy with him 2 you slept with his friend. How would you feel? I tell you..it's post like these that make me hesitant to get married. Talk to him and figure out what you want girl because your just wasting his time or yours. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Whatever your reasons, I don't think it's right to cheat at all on someone. From an emotional perspective, you should have tried to save the marriage with counceling or just talking to him about how you felt. From a physical perspective, you should be ever watchful for STDs. How would it feel to give herpes to your faithful husband? When you said, "I DO," part of that vow was probably, "In good times and in bad..." I think that anyone who gets married has an obligation to stick to what they say. I hate to see people backing out of a love that was ordained by God. ............................................................................................................................................ Also, because you hid something from your husband, you lied to him. Lies are as much about what we don't say, as what we DO say. You need to tell your hubby the truth. That's the only way ANY of this will get worked out. What ever you all decide, it will be what is best for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BELOVED Posted July 19, 2004 Author Share Posted July 19, 2004 I think you're right if I truly loved him I wouldn't have cheated and yes cheating is very wrong. Telling him will only hurt him more. I think I'd be better off to just let him go and let him find someone who will love the way he deserves to be loved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BELOVED Posted July 19, 2004 Author Share Posted July 19, 2004 Oh and I'm in conseling now. But suggested it to him 6 months ago he said he didn't need it. I feel I tried in every way possible and just lost control. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Hrmm... Well, even if you don't feel like you can save your marriage, you should come clean with your husband. It will let you end on an honest note, and also let him see where he stands. Also, if you don't tell him, he will wonder for a while what he did wrong. That's not fair either. However, if he DID mess up (like if he didn't try for you, if he stopped trying to talk to you, if HE cheated, etc) then you also need to let him know what drove you to the point where you felt like you had to go outside of your marriage for gratification. You may find out that you can still save your marriage. And why not try? What do you have to lose, really now. It sounds as if you all still have q uite a bit to talk about with your husband. Don't cop out because you're afraid to hurt him. I don't think that's the true reason that you don't want to tell him: you are afraid that you will look bad. Well, you will. lol. You cheated, now fess up! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 I agree. Fess up. Also when you offered him to go to counseling and he said he didn't need it, what type of couseling did you mean? Obviously he's going to say he didn't need it if he doesn't think theres a problem because you haven't spoken to him. You can't just give up and not tell him and expect to just let him go. Your married it's not that easy. You can't just wake up and say ok its not working I'm letting you go. If it was only that easy. You need to talk to him. You say you don't want to hurt him but It will kill him if he then finds out from his "friend" later on. It will hurt him less if your upfront and honest about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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