tkgirl Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 hi all! so here's the story: there's this new guy that works next to my office and he seems basically harmless but something about him just creeps me out a bit... like maybe he's just trying to be nice but it's like a little too nice for someone I hardly know. So.. the last couple days have been a little stressful at work and I'm realizing I'm just not that happy there... I mean it's not all bad and I'm thankful to even have a job but I don't know, I'm beginning to feel restless like I could be doing so much more with my time... with my life! anyho... for the past three days in a row he's come up to me and asked how I'm doing all concerned like then he goes "do you need a hug?" I told him no I'm fine and he goes "you're not the hugging type?" huh? then the next day he asked me again and I said no (again!) and he goes "ok well just let me know" okaaaaay... then today he asked me AGAIN! and now I'm irritated because he's not getting it! I was like "no I don't want a hug so stop asking me!" and he said "well I've had other girls I've worked with that told me my hugs made them feel better" creepy right? or am I just being a b*tch? any insights or advice on how to deal with him would be mucho appreciated! thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
prettylittlethings Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Yes, he's a creeper...You should've said you weren't the hugging type when he asked so he wouldn't take it personally. I would just be a bitch until he gets the message... "Do you want a hug?" "I dunno, do you want a slap in the face? Hahaha kidding." "I only hug my friends." "We've been through this, I don't need a hug." Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 No, you're not a "bitch" for being annoyed that someone keeps urging you to allow them into your personal space to put their hands on you. Was that a serious question? You were fine to say, "No, I don't want a hug so stop asking me." Hopefully that puts an end to it. If it continues, I would address it with him one final time by saying, "Jeff, you're being inappropriate and unprofessional. Please stop asking me to give you hugs." If he gives you even an ounce of sh*t by back-talking you or telling you that other girls like it so there must be something wrong with you (ugh), shut him down immediately by saying, "I don't want to discuss it anymore. I have to get back to work now." If it still doesn't stop, you should really take it to HR or your boss. Document everything that's happened so far, in case things escalate. Date, time, a general description of the events (with no emotion - only facts, i.e. "Jeff came into my office the morning of Monday, August 27th. He asked me how my day was, to which I responded that I was stressed out. Then Jeff asked if I needed a hug and when I declined, he said, 'Okay, well, just let me know.' And went back to his office.") I would include the details of the conversation so it's obvious that he wasn't just reacting compassionately when you were crying about your dead dog or whatever. Anyway, you shouldn't have to deal with someone at work who is being unprofessional and making you uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
UpDownAllAround Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 He's definitely a creeper. You've said no plenty of times and he has yet to stop...I would take it to the next level as harassment since you have given him plenty of chances to stop his behavior already and he shows no signs of stopping (he probably views you as a challenge). Take it to HR. That will stop his behavior right quick. Link to post Share on other sites
strongnrelaxed Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Normally I would come to the defense of the man. But this time I am with you. That is creepy. Be clear that you find it creepy and let him know that if this continues that you will report him to HR. And if you want to be friendly you can suggest that he never say this to another woman - he is risking his job and career. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tkgirl Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 thanks guys.. yeah, I sometimes will ignore my instincts if I feel they may be a little harsh.. like he's just trying to be my friend etc... but creepy vibe is what I'm getting too so I'm just going to try to keep my distance as much as possible. It's small office though (about 8 of us) and he works right next me... no hug offer today so I hopefully he got it... but something tells me to keep my guard up still! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ross MwcFan Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Totally creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Yes, he is being creepy. Keep your guard up. Sometimes these types will pull back to re-strategize - and to wait until you've let your guard down again - before trying again. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 He's not as creepy as he is dumb. Only autistic people don't like hugs, the rest of us just don't like hugging strangers. sidenote.. if he was attractive and socialable.. you'd probably want a hug lol. Link to post Share on other sites
strongnrelaxed Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 sidenote.. if he was attractive and socialable.. you'd probably want a hug lol. Unfortunately this is too often true. Link to post Share on other sites
RachR Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 thanks guys.. yeah, I sometimes will ignore my instincts if I feel they may be a little harsh.. like he's just trying to be my friend etc... but creepy vibe is what I'm getting too so I'm just going to try to keep my distance as much as possible. It's small office though (about 8 of us) and he works right next me... no hug offer today so I hopefully he got it... but something tells me to keep my guard up still! Don't ignore your feelings..don't ignore your instincts about creepy people or situations (you should check out the book "The Gift of Fear," btw). You've already told him a few times that you don't want a hug. Maybe it's time to take it to a higher up? Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Report the creeper to HR for sexual harassment. That'll show him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tkgirl Posted September 6, 2012 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 (edited) He's not as creepy as he is dumb. Only autistic people don't like hugs, the rest of us just don't like hugging strangers. sidenote.. if he was attractive and socialable.. you'd probably want a hug lol. Unfortunately this is too often true. I thought about that... and I'll admit, if I was attracted to him I may have taken a hug the first time he asked.. or would have flirted back and maybe hint about instead taking a drink with him after work or the like... but the fact that I said no the first time and then he tried to ask two more times, even if I felt even slightly attracted to him (which I wasn't) I would have been turned off. Instead it's worse than that... I'm completely creeped out and feel really uncomfortable around him now... ugh! I wish he would go away.. his work area is waaaaay to close to mine! Edited September 6, 2012 by tkgirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author tkgirl Posted September 6, 2012 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 Don't ignore your feelings..don't ignore your instincts about creepy people or situations (you should check out the book "The Gift of Fear," btw). You've already told him a few times that you don't want a hug. Maybe it's time to take it to a higher up? Report the creeper to HR for sexual harassment. That'll show him! I'm going to hold off on taking it to HR... for now. It seems I got the point across to him the last time and he's backed off. Hopefully he'll keep his distance from now on. I will check out that book though... thanks! I tend to second guess myself a lot and not always trust my instincts... that needs to change I think Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts