suki1 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Hi guys. I've just been reading the article that East put a link to in their thread and it brought up some questions. The article (as I understood it) basically said that in some relationships we/our partner uses 'special effects' too make us believe that the false reality they create is true and that this is quite addictive. Obviously this relates well to As and definately to my exMM. My question is, is there any way to create this strength of feeling in a relationship with another single person? As much as I hate to admit it, I would love to feel the strength of positive emotion I felt during my A but obviously without the negatives, though I do love my partner and I'm not suggesting that I don't. Anybody figured that one? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Hi guys. I've just been reading the article that East put a link to in their thread and it brought up some questions. The article (as I understood it) basically said that in some relationships we/our partner uses 'special effects' too make us believe that the false reality they create is true and that this is quite addictive. Obviously this relates well to As and definately to my exMM. My question is, is there any way to create this strength of feeling in a relationship with another single person? As much as I hate to admit it, I would love to feel the strength of positive emotion I felt during my A but obviously without the negatives, though I do love my partner and I'm not suggesting that I don't. Anybody figured that one? I like this post. I have had similar thoughts. Some of my energy in my previous relationship was the LDR element. And I loved it! I also loved the drudgey stuff. But having a wonderful, amazing guy in my life who lives a 5 minute drive and we can 'live' together (between our 2 places) is entirely different. I love him, although the 'slow burn' confused me a little after the instant spark I had felt for xMM. And I love having sex at least every day, but there are times I remember fondly the super-sizzle of olden days (not that I'd swap back) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author suki1 Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 Silly Girl - you have hit the nail on the head. That is exactly it. No way would either of us go back to where we were, but would absolutely love to re-create some of that spark. Not that there is no spark, cuz there is, just not the strength of spark. I want the drop-kick, electric shock spark back with my current partner without an A, or at least something a little closer to it Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Yes, passionate and exiting love does exists with single persons. I have lived that before the A With the hindsight, when it comes to A-s, I have noticed the married AP are extremely seductive. They tell you how wonderful you are, how much they love you etc etc.... You are like "wow..she makes me feel so special ! This what I've always looking for.." Another factor in the As is that Love is given in crumbs. You are constantly craving it ! You will have a piece of the cake just to taste it, then you crave it...but eventually start to feel better, then you will be served another little piece and you will crave it again....and so on. You can see this pattern in some normal LDRs as well. With hindsight, I think the key to passionate and exiting relationship is infatuation. It sounds shallow but the capacity we have to create sparks is tightly related to how much we admire our love/dating partner. If we admire that person, we feel so lucky to have them and we picture a happily ever after. And that can happen with a single person Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Hi guys. I've just been reading the article that East put a link to in their thread and it brought up some questions. The article (as I understood it) basically said that in some relationships we/our partner uses 'special effects' too make us believe that the false reality they create is true and that this is quite addictive. Obviously this relates well to As and definately to my exMM. My question is, is there any way to create this strength of feeling in a relationship with another single person? As much as I hate to admit it, I would love to feel the strength of positive emotion I felt during my A but obviously without the negatives, though I do love my partner and I'm not suggesting that I don't. Anybody figured that one? Absolutely! I had that in the beginning of my relationship with my ex husband. I was surprised how similar the beginning of both relationships were. I think it is about having a good solidly filled life, where the dating is the icing on your cake. You have a core group of people close to you and so you are not dating because you are looking for "someone to complete you". You are dating and looking for someone that is worthy of spending time with you, someone that adds value to your life, and someone that will help you raise your bar/ challenges you. So that means when dating, not jumping in too fast, keeping a good balance and keeping the intrigue. If the affair felt like it had abnormal spark, break it down to figure out why. Was it because of limited time? Limited conversation? Innuendos? You can create those in another relationship. You can have more limited time, not because you are playing games, but because you have a full life already. You don't have to be 100% available. And frankly, how many OP were OP in spite of the fact the MP was married? I know in my case that was not a gold star for him. It was a huge penalty. So think of all the positives you felt in that relationship, or any past relationship, and seek to find them. There are so many great people out there, men and women, have fun, and enjoy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts