Do married couples connect emotionally!

[schoolmate]

I appreciate all comments from all of you --thanks for all the advice.

 

I am going to have to say that at this present moment, I dont think I have the energy/motivation/ inclination to make efforts to please my husband to get him to pay emotional attention. That is really not what I am looking for. What happens to the fact that we both need to be in love with each other ---does it just fade away after being married for 12-13years. If one is being made to do it--it is manipulation of some kind in my mind. I would much rather that my H will realise, just like I have, that we have something lacking in our R --I would like my H to read my signs and try to fill the gap! Having to ask for it takes away the whole point of it all.

 

And if all of this is not making sense to some or all of you then may be I am just thinking different.

 

All I know if that I feel very very low.......could be for more reasons than one ----I hope I get back to feeling happy sooner than later! This is not a happy place to be in

 

Cheers!!!

[xxoo]

I am going to have to say that at this present moment, I dont think I have the energy/motivation/ inclination to make efforts to please my husband to get him to pay emotional attention. That is really not what I am looking for. What happens to the fact that we both need to be in love with each other ---does it just fade away after being married for 12-13years. If one is being made to do it--it is manipulation of some kind in my mind. I would much rather that my H will realise, just like I have, that we have something lacking in our R --I would like my H to read my signs and try to fill the gap! Having to ask for it takes away the whole point of it all.

 

You are in a vicious cycle downward, growing farther apart.

 

In order to change direction, someone needs to make the first move. Why not you?

 

Him responding positively to positive actions is not manipulation. It's how relationships work.

[JamesM]

 

All I know if that I feel very very low.......could be for more reasons than one ----I hope I get back to feeling happy sooner than later! This is not a happy place to be in

 

Cheers!!!

 

I know how you feel. I have been there. I hope you get some answers and I hope you feel better. Feel free to vent here...it may help. If you need a listener, I (as I am sure others here) am willing to help.

[seren]

My H and I have been together for 27 years, the early years, probably the first 8, were the honeymoon stage, the getting to really know each other time and all the hearts and flowers that goes with the early times.

After that, life, our son, his job, my job, the mortgage, him being away me being away etc etc meant that we were so dammed exhausted that at times we forget to take care of us. We talked and decided that we would continue our date nights, so we would have dinner by candlelight, even egg and chips when money was tight, a bottle of wine, music and dancing and much flirting. It was our time, not the nuts and bolts that make up a marriage, but our relationship.

 

Fast forward and H had an A, all but tore us apart, but here we are almost 5 yrs along, our son lived 650 miles away, it's just me and he in a remote spot with our animals, no neighbours, no friends just us. At times we have spats, yesterday I could have throttled him, today we sat in the rain having a BBQ and snuggled. Marriage is all ups and downs, I believed and still believe in romantic love and it can exist in a married relationship, it can get lost, overlooked, lay dormant, but if it is meant, then it will be there just waiting to be picked up and nurtured.

 

Can you and your H get away for a weekend or even just a night and try to regain intimacy? What do you want, if you want your H, then talk to him, tell him how you feel, and how you would like it to be and how you both need to work at it. No marriage is all hunky dory, I would say that a marriage that has survived storms is the strongest, it tests the strength and depth of a relationship. I would say to anyone, never, ever settle for anything that doesn't make you happy, nor wait around for .... whenever.

 

We connect emotionally in every way, I send him cards and funny drawings, he picks me flowers and we flirt and compliment each other, we also have arguments, strops and all that, but we make sure to talk before it goes on for too long. Emotions aren't all just fluttery stuff, life would be dammed boring if it was. I once got sick of H watching rugby when I needed to talk to him so I unplugged the telly and cut the plug off. Drastic, we had only been married for a couple of years and I couldn't wait for the right time, sometimes what is a right now talk goes over the others head and they don't know what all the fuss is about. Romance should never be lost, it can go a bit off track, but if you both want it, talk, write him a letter.

[schoolmate]

My H and I have been together for 27 years, the early years, probably the first 8, were the honeymoon stage, the getting to really know each other time and all the hearts and flowers that goes with the early times.

After that, life, our son, his job, my job, the mortgage, him being away me being away etc etc meant that we were so dammed exhausted that at times we forget to take care of us. We talked and decided that we would continue our date nights, so we would have dinner by candlelight, even egg and chips when money was tight, a bottle of wine, music and dancing and much flirting. It was our time, not the nuts and bolts that make up a marriage, but our relationship.

 

Fast forward and H had an A, all but tore us apart, but here we are almost 5 yrs along, our son lived 650 miles away, it's just me and he in a remote spot with our animals, no neighbours, no friends just us. At times we have spats, yesterday I could have throttled him, today we sat in the rain having a BBQ and snuggled. Marriage is all ups and downs, I believed and still believe in romantic love and it can exist in a married relationship, it can get lost, overlooked, lay dormant, but if it is meant, then it will be there just waiting to be picked up and nurtured.

 

Can you and your H get away for a weekend or even just a night and try to regain intimacy? What do you want, if you want your H, then talk to him, tell him how you feel, and how you would like it to be and how you both need to work at it. No marriage is all hunky dory, I would say that a marriage that has survived storms is the strongest, it tests the strength and depth of a relationship. I would say to anyone, never, ever settle for anything that doesn't make you happy, nor wait around for .... whenever.

 

We connect emotionally in every way, I send him cards and funny drawings, he picks me flowers and we flirt and compliment each other, we also have arguments, strops and all that, but we make sure to talk before it goes on for too long. Emotions aren't all just fluttery stuff, life would be dammed boring if it was. I once got sick of H watching rugby when I needed to talk to him so I unplugged the telly and cut the plug off. Drastic, we had only been married for a couple of years and I couldn't wait for the right time, sometimes what is a right now talk goes over the others head and they don't know what all the fuss is about. Romance should never be lost, it can go a bit off track, but if you both want it, talk, write him a letter.

 

 

Thanks for your response and advice. I do see your point....I would so love for us to be back in love. And I cant agree more that both of us or one of us will need to take the initiative. In my case, I have tried - and havent seen him reciprocate----actually makes me feel like an idiot sometimes. There are times when he wnts to talk to me and tell me about his day at work on other days if I ask him about how his day was he will just pass the question or get annoyed that I even asked. If I tell him that we should try and make some time for ourselves --- he says he agrees and says arrange for it....but the whole romance is missing! Dont know if you see what I mean ---in my case it seems very one sided. He has only been warm and nice to me when he wanted sex in exchange.

 

So should I just accept that the romance is over....emotional bonding is too much to ask for and just carry on focusing on the must to dos in life.