TooConfused Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 What exactly constitutes cheating besides the obvious? When I say obvious I mean, sexual intimacy. Is it considered cheating if you have dinner/lunch one-on-one and discuss work related things? How about if we talk about how much we enjoy working with each other and being assigned projects together. Could this lead to something else? Is feeling enamored by someone considered cheating? I don't have any sexual feelings toward this office individual but I do find myself getting excited when I know that we have to work closely together on a project? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Its not cheating...yet! Be careful. You need to ask yourself why you get ecxited. Are you sure your not attracted to this person. Do you catch yourself randomly thinking about this person? I say steer clear of temptation. If your love the person your with and don't want to mess it up and you find yourself being tempted ask if you can work with somebosy else. But a person can sometimes meet a person and just "click". And be great friends and hangout and discuss things and it's not cheating. You just need to know the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooConfused Posted July 19, 2004 Author Share Posted July 19, 2004 He reminds me of my husband. You see, my husband travels alot! He's gone about three weeks out of the month and this guy really reminds me of him. Whenever we meet up for wrok, we sometimes discuss his wife and kidss and also mine. We both love our spouse's but I think we are curious about each other. He's got these lips that are tooo die for. Funny thing is, my husband has the same lips. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 It's hard to say where the line to cheating is. For me, definite cheating would begin with flirting and would include kissing and any other physical intimacy. However, I would also be VERY unhappy if I felt my BF was giving more attention to another woman. My advice is as follows: 1.) Never be alone with this person. 2.) Don't call him/her unless it's strictly business. 3.) Make it obvious that you just want to be friends. 4.) Remind yourself of the pain you could cause and the consequences that would happen. 5.) Remind yourself of all the things your husband/wife has done for you. 6.) Spend more quality time with your husband/wife. Concentrate on pleasing him/her. 7.) Go to therapy if you can't forget about it. Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Hello, Just ask yourself how comfortable you would be if your husband were in the same situation.... Would you be uncomfortable if he were excited about the prospect of working closely with a woman from work? What if he were having private one-on-one lunches with her? Discussing how much he enjoys working with her? Are you keeping this fledgeling relationship a secret from your husband? Is your conscience making you uncomfortable? If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you have gone too far. Infidelity is not an act of sex, it is more about the betrayal of trust and faith. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 TooConfused, remember that curiosity killed the cat! Tell your husband that you miss him and spend a whole weekend in bed. Remember the good things in your marriage, remember your husband and why you fell inlove with him in the first place. That will give you the strengths to fight temptation, but in the end, we all fight it alone. So think about what type of woman you are. Are you worthy of your husband's trust? Of his love? Of being his wife? Think about who you choose to be. In the end, the decision not to cheat is not for the couple, but for yourself. It gives you power. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 personally, if i have to re-enforce my actions by asking approval of others, i would say that is very borderline, if not cheating. have you told your husband about this great friend at work? and that you two have lunch/dinner together? that you are kinda attracted to him-but only cause he is just like him-and he's not there? how would you feel if the tables were turned? but if this a total friend thing, why should you feel guilty? but why put yourself and your marriage, not to mention your co-workers marriage, in a situation where it might ruin it all? Link to post Share on other sites
Bronzepen Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 I have posted this in another thread. The best way to avoid cheating is to ask yourself this one question. If I was single and the other person was single, would I date them? If the answer is yes, maybe, not sure, I have to thing about, etc... then your in the danger zone. When in doubt, get the hell out. In your case, it's a co-worker so just keep it business. Don't make any plans to do anything outside of your job. To answer your thread question: Answer my question honestly to yourself. If it's the remote possiblity of a definate maybe then you could be in the early stages of an emotional affair. The tingly sensation you feel could be a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 It's not cheating. Cheating is basically any physical/verbal sexual intimacy with someone other than your lover. Some people feel office fantacies are fun. Don't let it get out of hand out of respect for the person you're with now. But, if you have second thoughts, in never hurts to see if that person is maybe the one you should be with. Flirt, but not too much. Test waters; ask questions about them. Pay attention to their reactions and other relationships, their beliefs, morals, etc. See if they have potential for being a soulmate. Don't do anything sudden and permenant until your sure he's the one for you. Because if you are with someone now who you are in love with, you might blow that away and find this office fantasy turns out to be a turd. I know a girl who fell really hard for a guy she worked with. At one point, he was always on her mind. She looked forward to work just to see him. She felt "in love" and "younger", meanwhile she was in a relationship with someone else for 2 1/2 years. She never cheated, that wasn't her style and she was moral, but she just fantasized and became "excited" when she saw him. She even considered leaving her boyfriend for him b/c she liked him and he gave hints that he wanted her to leave her boyfriend and date him. Well, although she was on the brink of doing this, she found out wrong. She only discovered what a turd he was later. After getting to know him as a person rather than a sex object in the office, she found he was a theif, immoral, selfish, a immature, violent, and a loser. Now, almost 3 years later, she married her boyfriend at this time this happened and she is happy. Be careful with your decisions in life. If you do wind up cheating, and I hope you don't, remember : "What goes around comes around, sometimes you have to watch your back!" In other words, if you decide to be unfaithful to your loved one, in your next relationship, it might come back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Max Zoom Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 If you were spending a lot of time thinking about how you could kill your husband wouldn't that indicate that you'd gone to far? Link to post Share on other sites
sally1530 Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 Is having a profile and picture up on lavalife.com looking to have cyber sex and possible hookups.... considered cheating while you are in a committed relationship and engaged? My ex said it was just curiousity and flirting... but why did he do it the entire 14 month relationship and hide it from me. I can see if he just went and surfed around the dating sites for fun.. but to have the nerve to post your picture with your shirt off and saying your single on your profile looking for sex.... I thought was considered cheating... he said he never crossed the emotional or phyical line with any of these girls... but was that a lie? or maybe he just didnt have the opportunity yet. Also he admitted asking these girls to send naked pictures of them to him.... why not get a playboy or watch a porn? What is your thoughts on this subject.... Link to post Share on other sites
Max Zoom Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 Sally, it's not possible for anyone here to know what was in you bf's heart. But, it is possible to consider that he may have just wanted to let other women take a look at at him and find out if he was attractive to women in general. People are people. And any time they are told they are attractive they are pleased. Link to post Share on other sites
vanandme4him Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 for instance...my ex-husband considered ANYTHING cheating. going to dinner with a group of (male and female) friends was borderline cheating. Looking at another guy was cheating...needless to say...not a healthy relationship..that's why he's my EX husband. my current bf....to us...lying to each other is cheating. we have an "unusual" relationship. we cannot cheat on each other. we have an open relationship. it works for us. but i guess the best way to determine if it's cheating is if you are feeling/saying/doing something that you feel you need to hide from your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
sally1530 Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 he did feel that he had to hide this from me. He knew i wouldnt accept it or like it. So he was lying to me... keeping secrets... so that is cheating .... when I discovered what he was doing and confronted him , he lied 7 more times while slowly telling me more... he couldnt look me in the eye when he was done... so he cancelled the wedding. I think if you know its going to hurt your partner that much , then you shouldnt be doing it period... What do you think> Link to post Share on other sites
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