Aargh Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Admittedly I have been having an affair for the last 6 months (now no more) but for the majority -no the entirety - of our 6yr marriage I've not enjoyed sex with the wife. She is beautiful but she's controlling and domineering and we somehow just don't connect sexually. Thing is I have kids with her And I have to make it work for their sakes. I fear it's too late. The thought of being intimate with my wife knots me up. I did have an affair and the sex was amazing but it was obviously based on illicitness and not reality. . I am learning / trying to move on from the affair but if anything the affair showed me how wonderful a sexual connection could be and how much I am missing within my marriage. What can I do? It's been 9mobths since I was intimate with my wife. Thanks for any input...... Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 What can I do? It's been 9mobths since I was intimate with my wife. Thanks for any input...... You can be honest with your wife and give her the decision if she still wants to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aargh Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 Thanks carrieT. I told her I don't love her anymore (!). She said we'd work through it together and she still wants me. That was 2 months ago. Not sure if she still feels taht way. You are right though. I must be honest and talk with her. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 Does she know you had an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aargh Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 No. Absolutely not. I know she has suspected it but I could never tell her. She said once many years ago that she wouldn't want to know of such things and I truly believe it would just about be the worst thing I could do to admit it. The affair was a wonderful few months of selfishness but it's over now and bringing it up would do nothing but harm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aargh Posted September 1, 2012 Author Share Posted September 1, 2012 Not at all. I've grieved and cried a million tears as a direct result of my affair. What good would it honestly do for my wife to know? Admittedly it avoids me having to deal with the fallout bug if I told her that would destroy her and I KNOW she would rather I didn't say anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Admittedly I have been having an affair for the last 6 months (now no more) but for the majority -no the entirety - of our 6yr marriage I've not enjoyed sex with the wife. She is beautiful but she's controlling and domineering and we somehow just don't connect sexually. Thing is I have kids with her And I have to make it work for their sakes. I fear it's too late. The thought of being intimate with my wife knots me up. I did have an affair and the sex was amazing but it was obviously based on illicitness and not reality. . I am learning / trying to move on from the affair but if anything the affair showed me how wonderful a sexual connection could be and how much I am missing within my marriage. What can I do? It's been 9mobths since I was intimate with my wife. Thanks for any input...... Here's my advice. This is all on you. You want to remain submissive that's on you. Not on her. You've accepted this role and the only way its going to change is if you change it. You have to be aggressive. Now how are you going to do that I don't know. Maybe if you are a talker... sit and talk about the issue you are having. If you would rather act the next time she's doing the dishes bend her over the sink. You have to be aggressive and take charge. Take your balls back. You can only be treated the way you allow someone to treat you. You've been on a 9 month ration... my condolences. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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