artistwolf Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I've been looking for love for years. I've been going on okcupid and plentyoffish and based on the message count I have talked to more than 1,300 females. I've met only a dozen in person so it is a very very grueling effort, and with crappy rewards I might add. A lot of times there's nothing in common with them. I like comics, games, art, social drinking, comedy shows, geeky things. I've been told that I'm very handsome, and I am fit/athletic. I'm goofy/immature at times and I go out of my way to make others laugh. So why do I have all this bad luck? I haven't been able to feel deep feelings or love for the last several girlfriends that I've been with. I had a lot in common with my last girlfriend. I'm not sure why chemistry/love is nonexistent- maybe its because I don't love myself, or because it wasn't meant to be. But if it is because I don't love myself, what can I do specifically? Must I really buy an audiobook and chant in a mirror "I'm good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it ... people like me"? It's not that I'm emo or that I truly despise myself- it's more like I'm just deflated about life or something. I have gotten drunk a few times and had a few good laughs, and I do laugh without drinks. I'm not sure if happiness is a factor. Has anyone been in this kind of situation? Link to post Share on other sites
soulm8 Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I've been looking for love for years. I've been going on okcupid and plentyoffish and based on the message count I have talked to more than 1,300 females. I've met only a dozen in person so it is a very very grueling effort, and with crappy rewards I might add. A lot of times there's nothing in common with them. I like comics, games, art, social drinking, comedy shows, geeky things. I've been told that I'm very handsome, and I am fit/athletic. I'm goofy/immature at times and I go out of my way to make others laugh. So why do I have all this bad luck? I haven't been able to feel deep feelings or love for the last several girlfriends that I've been with. I had a lot in common with my last girlfriend. I'm not sure why chemistry/love is nonexistent- maybe its because I don't love myself, or because it wasn't meant to be. But if it is because I don't love myself, what can I do specifically? Must I really buy an audiobook and chant in a mirror "I'm good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it ... people like me"? It's not that I'm emo or that I truly despise myself- it's more like I'm just deflated about life or something. I have gotten drunk a few times and had a few good laughs, and I do laugh without drinks. I'm not sure if happiness is a factor. Has anyone been in this kind of situation? I think it must be a combination of the deflated feeling, not meeting the right one, and online dating. So many of us are guarded and afraid to give love a real chance. Not sure what you can specifically do since I can relate, but I'm interested to see what others suggest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author artistwolf Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 I have met a few of the "right ones", just haven't been able to fall in love for some reason. I don't think I'm guarded or walled, but maybe subconsciously. I know I want love for sure, I'm excited about the prospect. Link to post Share on other sites
meeji Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 sound like you like the idea of having someone and being in a relationship/love but the reality of it frightens you. To some degree, maybe you are shut off to it as a defense mechanism. I was like that for a while. Basically, I just decided that I was going to do the opposite of what I usually do. If I have a tendency to be guarded and question every little thing and wonder about whether or not it is safe to trust him, I just went all out and decided to trust him 100% So far, it is working for me. We get stuck in patterns sometimes. It could be as simple as that. Think about about the common demonimators. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I know what you mean. I very rarely feel that magical chemistry that makes someone special to me. It has happened only two or three times in the last 10 years and then I didn't date the guy because he was attached or gay! I think for some people it's just a rare experience. Also, I'm beginning to realise that it comes from being attracted in multiple ways - physically, emotionally, intellectually. If I cannot feel affection for the person or they don't inspire me with their intelligence, character or talent, then they seem drab and uninteresting, no matter how physically attractive they would seem to others. I have recently found myself interested in someone I've known more as an acquaintance for years. He's always stood out to me, as a talented person, but has never seemed friendly. Now he's friendly and I realise he's a nice person. All of a sudden, the different aspects have come together and I feel that spark. It's taken years though. Link to post Share on other sites
TLY22 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 How are you athletic/fit if you play games at home and read comic books? Nothing wrong with either.. its just I dont see how u could be fit or athletic without working out. Also how the hell is goofy or immature gonna attract you to love? Or semi love? Full love? Half love? ULTIMATE LOVE? Did you know... DOPAMINE + VASOPRESSIN = love? Thats some chemistry for you. Leading experts agree that love happens beyond 6 months in a relationship. You need to re evaluate your life with honesty. Online dating sites are great.. as a bonus. It shouldn't be your main source for getting dates. Another thing i noticed.. im sure u beat off several times a day. STOP. This guy sounds like an immature, assumptive jerk. Please ignore his 'advice'. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
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