Seperate bedrooms

[xxoo]

I find insecure clinginess to be BS too. Thankfully several posters here let me know there are women out there who wont take issue with what I want. So its all good.

 

Kay, there may come a time when you wish your woman wants to be as close to you as I want to be to my H. Just something to thing about. Sleeping together nightly, and considering my feelings, is one way he's stayed so near and dear to my heart (and other body parts )

[kaylan]

Have you found one IRL yet?

Seeing as I havent had the desire to live with anyone Ive dated yet, I havent had to ask any women. But Im sure Ill find a girl whos ok with it. And if shes not (assuming we dont find decent workarounds), she can either deal with it or bail. Because a girl who cares about me will care about my physical comfort and my occasional desire for space.

[Star Gazer]

A split adjustable king size bed would be one option to mitigate the back issue. Adjustable beds can make for interesting sex play too

 

THANK YOU. This is why I asked why he must sleep in a DIFFERENT bed, given this very obvious and easily available workaround.

[SmileFace]

If you are dating someone and not living together, will you not spend nights?

[xxoo]

If you are dating someone and not living together, will you not spend nights?

 

Only if she has a spare bed

[Star Gazer]

You are just made your pool of prospective lifelong mates smaller because you won't be able to live with one that would feel rejected.

 

Yes. Coming from the guy who chastises anyone and everyone about their preferences and how they're making their pool of prospective mates smaller, this whole situation is just really, really funny to me.

 

As for why some women are emotional about this, try not to underestimate the importance of that just-before-bed conversation, in the dark, under the covers, with your very best friend in the whole world. It's one of the things that separates a spouse from a roommate. That's why I think you should consider separate beds in one room rather than separate bedrooms.

 

That, and middle-of-the-night or early-morning roll-over wake-up sex.

[kaylan]

No, it's not. Sleeping with someone involves intimacy. There is nothing insecure or clingy about wanting to maintain intimacy with the person you live with.

It is clingy if you feel they should forgo painfree days and a restful nights sleep.

 

Kay, there may come a time when you wish your woman wants to be as close to you as I want to be to my H. Just something to thing about. Sleeping together nightly, and considering my feelings, is one way he's stayed so near and dear to my heart (and other body parts )

Again, Id have 6 nights a week to do that out of 7....whats the problem with needing one (or two) night to recoup a bit and energize myself fully?

[Star Gazer]

If you are dating someone and not living together, will you not spend nights?

 

His comfort comes first, you know. If she expects him to stay over in her bed, she's a clingy, insecure, needy brat!

[Star Gazer]

Again, Id have 6 nights a week to do that out of 7....whats the problem with needing one (or two) night to recoup a bit and energize myself fully?

 

Ohhhhhh, now it's just ONE night. What happened to a few nights? Starting to rethink your master plan for separation in your imaginary future relationship?

[maybealone]

Its part of living with someone, but if you have a back condition, or say they snore, or some other reasons, it is clingy and insecure to feel rejected because they sleep alone once a week. Come on now.

 

In fairness, this thread started out sounding like you wanted completely separate bedrooms. Having a nice bed in a guest room that you used once or twice a week is probably going to be acceptable to a lot of women, but you do have to make absolutely sure she is okay with that before moving in together.

[SmileFace]

Do you expect your live in mate to be intimate with you on the nights you need to sleep alone?

[SmileFace]

Most women won't expect him to stay in her bed. Most women want to sleep separatley.

 

Have you been with a woman before?

[kaylan]

I don't understand why this is an issue for you. Unless you are about to move in with someone right now, why worry about it? Just don't move in with any woman who isn't open to accepting your situation.

Its merely a question to get a gauge of women and men out there. Dont questions get asked like this all the time with or without a pending situation?

 

Not all women are going to feel rejected, but some will. You are just made your pool of prospective lifelong mates smaller because you won't be able to live with one that would feel rejected. I don't see what the big deal is.

Its not a big deal at all to me. I simply want my days to feel comfortable.

As for why some women are emotional about this, try not to underestimate the importance of that just-before-bed conversation, in the dark, under the covers, with your very best friend in the whole world. It's one of the things that separates a spouse from a roommate. That's why I think you should consider separate beds in one room rather than separate bedrooms.

Again...theres 5 or 6 other nights in a week. Hell in reality I might sleep alone only twice every two or three weeks. So again, I dont understand the big deal. Separate beds in one room wouldnt bother me really...but Im still sure itd bother other women still.

 

I like a previous posters idea of 3 bedrooms. 1 main bedroom to share and sleep in, and then each person getting a person one for miscellaneous crap.

In fairness, this thread started out sounding like you wanted completely separate bedrooms. Having a nice bed in a guest room that you used once or twice a week is probably going to be acceptable to a lot of women, but you do have to make absolutely sure she is okay with that before moving in together.

I didnt say I wanting completely separate bedrooms. The OP even said sleeping in the other room or a separate bed would be a once a week thing most likely. Not an every night deal.

Edited September 2, 2012 by kaylan

[maybealone]

That, and middle-of-the-night or early-morning roll-over wake-up sex.

 

Oh, god, YES!

 

Speaking of which, if I was to cohabitate with a man with a lot of back pain, I probably would be a hell of a lot more concerned over how it would affect our sex life than how it would affect bed arrangements.

[xxoo]

Have you ever been woken up by a bj?

 

That's hard to pull off in separate rooms.

 

Also, are you planning to have kids? You aren't even going to BELIEVE how much they F with your sleep!

[maybealone]

I didnt say I wanting completely separate bedrooms. The OP even said sleeping in the other room or a separate bed would be a once a week thing most likely. Not an every night deal.

 

I said it "sounded like" you wanted separate bedrooms, not that you actually wanted them. And that was mainly because of the title of the thread.

[SmileFace]

Have you ever been woken up by a bj?

 

That's hard to pull off in separate rooms.

 

Also, are you planning to have kids? You aren't even going to BELIEVE how much they F with your sleep :lmao

 

That's what I am saying. Can imagine reaching over for your honey and him not being there. This will cut down the amount of random night sex drastically.

[maybealone]

Also, the last time I checked, back pain was not all that predictable. So I would not tell a perspective live-in GF or wife that you would likely need one night a week apart at most. I think she needs to be open to the possibility that at some future time you could be sleeping apart all the time.

[kaylan]

THANK YOU. This is why I asked why he must sleep in a DIFFERENT bed, given this very obvious and easily available workaround.

As long and she doesnt turn into a bed hog...or did you miss the posts about the girlfriends who bed hog and bed kick. If a chick doesnt do that then I should be alright.

If you are dating someone and not living together, will you not spend nights?

Obviously I will. Its not like Im going to be at her place all the time...so Im still getting the sleep Im used to when I go to my own home.

 

Yes. Coming from the guy who chastises anyone and everyone about their preferences and how they're making their pool of prospective mates smaller, this whole situation is just really, really funny to me.

The thing is I dont care about my pool being smaller. This issue is minor, and I know I can bag a girlfriend in the future. Im not worried about ending up 35 and single.

 

And Id enjoy the life if I was

That, and middle-of-the-night or early-morning roll-over wake-up sex.

No thanks, I got work in the morning...I need my rest lol

His comfort comes first, you know. If she expects him to stay over in her bed, she's a clingy, insecure, needy brat!

Um no...if she expects me to sleep over 7 nights a week she is.

 

And if a girl had sleep issues or some sort of body pain where she needed to sleep alone some nights, I wouldnt give a damn. Id be understanding of that because Im not selfish especially if some is in some sort of pain.

 

Ohhhhhh, now it's just ONE night. What happened to a few nights? Starting to rethink your master plan for separation in your imaginary future relationship?

I said one or two a week at most and maintain that the entire thread. Learn to read.

Do you expect your live in mate to be intimate with you on the nights you need to sleep alone?

If it happens it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt. No biggie really.

[Star Gazer]

Also, the last time I checked, back pain was not all that predictable. So I would not tell a perspective live-in GF or wife that you would likely need one night a week apart at most. I think she needs to be open to the possibility that at some future time you could be sleeping apart all the time.

 

Let's all be honest here. That's what will happen. Kaylan will realize how much more comfortable HE is sleeping alone in his bed in his bedroom surrounded by his clothes and his guitar, and that will bother her, so they'll stop having sex entirely... relationship will suffer, she'll get fat because she'll turn to food instead of his d*ck for comfort, and ... so on.

[kaylan]

Have you ever been woken up by a bj?

 

That's hard to pull off in separate rooms.

 

Also, are you planning to have kids? You aren't even going to BELIEVE how much they F with your sleep!

Meh, I could go with or without wake up sex. Its no biggie to me. And tbh I enjoy my sleep.

 

And Im undecided on kids...and this point in time Im leaning on no.

[Star Gazer]

The thing is I dont care about my pool being smaller. This issue is minor, and I know I can bag a girlfriend in the future.

 

It's not a minor issue... especially for a woman you refer to as "bagging."

 

Im not worried about ending up 35 and single.

 

You should be.

[Star Gazer]

Meh, I could go with or without wake up sex. Its no biggie to me. And tbh I enjoy my sleep.

 

It's allllll about you. What about her? You know, your relationship partner????

[kaylan]

Also, the last time I checked, back pain was not all that predictable. So I would not tell a perspective live-in GF or wife that you would likely need one night a week apart at most. I think she needs to be open to the possibility that at some future time you could be sleeping apart all the time.

When did I ever say I want to sleep alone all the time? Its not even a possibility. I enjoy cuddling and all that jazz....I just need a better nights rest sometimes.

[kaylan]

Let's all be honest here. That's what will happen. Kaylan will realize how much more comfortable HE is sleeping alone in his bed in his bedroom surrounded by his clothes and his guitar, and that will bother her, so they'll stop having sex entirely... relationship will suffer, she'll get fat because she'll turn to food instead of his d*ck for comfort, and ... so on.

Id never move in with such an insecure female to begin with. I dont date women that dont thrive on fitness....and confident women who thrive on fitness would never let a man cause them to lose focus and get grossly overweight.

It's not a minor issue... especially for a woman you refer to as "bagging."

You mad?

 

You should be.

Why? Im not desperate for a girlfriend and never will be. I enjoy my time in a relationship and my time outside of one. Its no biggie to me, and its not like I cant find companionship either. And Im undecided on kids at the moment and leaning towards no...so I wont be obsessing on a biological clock either.

 

I take life as it is. No worries for me;)