tealover Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 greetings, I've mostly been dealing with my ex cheating on me. He just ran off with his ex and then when I tried to get answers they both trashed me. He claimed that he used me to get over the pain of being separated from his ex. It was a terrible experience but they disappeared for a bit. So I was able to slowly recover from it. I was told through another friend that he has popped up and he is saying that he was brainwashed by his ex to cheat and wants to have a word with me to tell me he is sorry about what he did to me but he wants to wait to talk to me because his new gf/old ex is always watching his messages over his shoulders. I don't know what to do. He did terrible stuff to me but for some reason I can't seem to hate him....I don't want to talk to him but I do want to talk to him at the same time. I feel stupid for even considering it but...I always wanted answers....but will he tell me the truth? I don't know. He and his new gf/old ex maybe having a fight and all of a sudden he wants to do this again. Maybe it was better when they were gone....I don't know.....help? Link to post Share on other sites
Tyler. Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 DON'T talk to him. The reason you still want to talk to him is you're probably looking for closure. You didn't have a decent closure to your relationship and in your case, you don't need one. No one is brainwashed into doing something that unforgivable, he didn't ACCIDENTALLY cheat on you. You are probably remembering the good times right now but this is no ordinary break up, he cheated on you. He left you for another person and you still want to talk to him? Please, have some self-respect. Don't trust him no matter what. The thing is, he is just realising his mistake. He is most likely having GIGS. But in my book, no cheater deserves a second chance, or even a conversation to talk it over or anything. Hey you're a girl, that means you've had more opportunities to cheat on him, but you didn't(Right?). It works that way, girls can have sex whenever they want and men usually can't. But you didn't cheat. That means loyalty and respect for him and yourself, on your part. Qualities he doesn't have apparently. Just disregard him, and be the bigger person. Say no thanks, i don't need a cheater and liar in my life. I've done the exact same thing. My ex really insisted that we stayed friends, and i just said, sorry you don't fit into my friend criteria either, i don't need a cheater and liar as a friend. That's the last time i've talked to her. I still feel really bad after the break up, but if i said yes, i would have lost respect for myself. Value yourself a person and you'll find someone who treats you with the respect and love you deserve. Now ask yourself this, why on earth would you want him in your life? So he could lie to you more ? So he could feel that he still has power over you ? Why the hell would you want to talk to the person who cheated on you, lied to you, chose someone over you, disregarded your relationship, your feelings and most of all, your self-worth ? Don't put yourself through this, nothing good will come of it believe me. There will be times that you'll want to talk to him. At that times just read your post again. Read what he did to you, remember all the pain he willingly caused to you. There are awesome people around, so much better than him. Why would you settle ? You're the only person in the world who can make you happy. Make yourself happy, distance yourself from people that cause you pain. Be with someone who deserves you, and doesn't disrespect you by lying and cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tealover Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 (edited) DON'T talk to him. The reason you still want to talk to him is you're probably looking for closure. You didn't have a decent closure to your relationship and in your case, you don't need one. No one is brainwashed into doing something that unforgivable, he didn't ACCIDENTALLY cheat on you. You are probably remembering the good times right now but this is no ordinary break up, he cheated on you. He left you for another person and you still want to talk to him? Please, have some self-respect. Don't trust him no matter what. The thing is, he is just realising his mistake. He is most likely having GIGS. But in my book, no cheater deserves a second chance, or even a conversation to talk it over or anything. Hey you're a girl, that means you've had more opportunities to cheat on him, but you didn't(Right?). It works that way, girls can have sex whenever they want and men usually can't. But you didn't cheat. That means loyalty and respect for him and yourself, on your part. Qualities he doesn't have apparently. Just disregard him, and be the bigger person. Say no thanks, i don't need a cheater and liar in my life. I've done the exact same thing. My ex really insisted that we stayed friends, and i just said, sorry you don't fit into my friend criteria either, i don't need a cheater and liar as a friend. That's the last time i've talked to her. I still feel really bad after the break up, but if i said yes, i would have lost respect for myself. Value yourself a person and you'll find someone who treats you with the respect and love you deserve. Now ask yourself this, why on earth would you want him in your life? So he could lie to you more ? So he could feel that he still has power over you ? Why the hell would you want to talk to the person who cheated on you, lied to you, chose someone over you, disregarded your relationship, your feelings and most of all, your self-worth ? Don't put yourself through this, nothing good will come of it believe me. There will be times that you'll want to talk to him. At that times just read your post again. Read what he did to you, remember all the pain he willingly caused to you. There are awesome people around, so much better than him. Why would you settle ? You're the only person in the world who can make you happy. Make yourself happy, distance yourself from people that cause you pain. Be with someone who deserves you, and doesn't disrespect you by lying and cheating. Your right I think I was looking for closure. I put so much effort into that relationship with him. I guess I wanted him to hear him finally admit then making more excuses. At least that is what I want from the conversation in the first place. But I've been thinking...Will this truly bring me satisfaction? I guess I didn't think about it the way you put it. I know no one is truly brainwashed. If he loved me he would have stayed. Nope I didn't cheat. I didn't know that about cheating with men and woman. He has this thing with the girl he is with. No matter what happens he yo-yo backs to her. Even if I gave him a second chance in a ANYTHING even a friendship and all I've learned he ends up going back to her. its been his 3 year habit. I just didn't learn the extend and other people he did this to until after the fact. I know now. I know better. and no one deserves to be cheated on....its a terrible thing to go through. I'll keep what you said in mind. Thank you. Edited September 3, 2012 by tealover Link to post Share on other sites
Tyler. Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 I'm happy for you, you're on the right path believe me. You, me and everyone that has gone through a break up think alike, he/she was special, but in reality nobody is that special. We don't need other people to make us happy again. Just keep going forward, occupy and improve yourself, in ways you see fit. And over time you'll realise that you're better than him and deserve someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted September 3, 2012 Share Posted September 3, 2012 He is a master manipulator. Always trashing someone else; would be the first to throw someone under the bus to protect himself. Nothing he says to you is worth hearing. What difference would it make? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tealover Posted September 3, 2012 Author Share Posted September 3, 2012 He is a master manipulator. Always trashing someone else; would be the first to throw someone under the bus to protect himself. Nothing he says to you is worth hearing. What difference would it make? Yea I see that. He seems to be sorry now that his relationship with his ex isn't working (surprise shock~). I wasn't going to buy what he was selling but I at least wanted to hear the pitch. But from what I'm learning is I should slam the door before he makes it. I don't wanna end up accidentally buying something that isn't going to be good for me. Your right I don't think it would make a difference. I probably wouldn't believe what he was saying anyways Link to post Share on other sites
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