what is the "relief" stage after a breakup?

[hurting so bad]

I keep hearing about something called the "relief" stage after a breakup....Something about how usually you don't hear from the other person during the "relief" stage.

 

1. What is the "relief" stage?

 

2. What is the time frame for the relief stage?

[jw32802]

Hmm good question not sure!

[EC]

Maybe its the same as the rebound stage. You know you don't call eachother and you use other people to forget them ??? I really dont know just a guess.

[Miss_Prolixity]

Hi Hurting,

 

I never heard anything about the "relief" stage during a breakup. But what came to my mind when I read your post was the "acceptance" stage. Basically you accept that the relationship is over and there's no more hope for the future with the other person and you're okay with it.

 

Here's some information I found on a site. It's the stages we endure after a breakup.

 

Denial:

 

You can't believe the relationship is over or that this is happening to you. There must be some mistake!

 

Shock:

 

You might feel pain, numbness, feeling out of control, feeling like you're going crazy. You may experience mood swings, panic, rage, relief, optimism, freedom, despair, anxiety__just about any emotion you can think of! This stage may go on for months.

 

Common fears include "how will I survive" (financially, emotionally, physically, etc); fears about the intensity of feelings; fears about being unloveable or never able to love again; fears that you will never get through the pain, that this is how you will feel the rest of your life! You may feel panicked about the future. You might fear what other people think of you.

 

Confusion/Rollercoaster:

 

The feelings, thoughts, questions go around and around and around and never seem to settle down.

 

There is a great need to try to make sense of what has happened. Why did it happen? What did I do? What's wrong with me? Was there ever real love in our relationship?

 

Your brain will invent numerous stories to try to make sense of it. Your imagination may run wild.

 

You may blame yourself for everything. You may blame your spouse for everything. You may blame other people, work, kids, in-laws, God__all as part of searching for sense.

 

You may question your own judgement about people and life.

 

Thoughts about what happened will keep intruding. It may feel as though you can never stop thinking about it. You will tend to re-hash it over and over and over.

 

You may feel incompetent, inadequate. Depression may settle in. You may find yourself crying for little or no reason at times and places you don't expect to. It may seem as though your crying will never stop.

 

Hope and bargaining:

 

There is a desire and a belief that somehow it will still work out and the relationship will be reconciled. You might think of all the ways you are willing to change or things you are willing to do and that if you could just do these, the relationship will be healed. Part of the challenge of this stage is to recognize that no matter what you do, say, think, want, you cannot control the other person.

 

Letting Go of the Old Relationship:

 

Realizing and accepting that the relationship is truly over and can never be the way it was again. Even if you continue to co-parent, the relationship will need to be completely different than the old. Doing the groundwork for forgiveness that includes naming, claiming the injuries, blaming, balancing and finally choosing to forgive in steps. Liberates YOU from the past.

 

Growth and emergence:

 

Gradually the rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions begins to even out. Some of the intensity decreases. You begin to notice that you can make a difference in your own life, that you can create a fulfilling life for yourself after this experience. You begin to make plans. You take more action. You try new interests and discover more of your strengths and talents. You develop areas of yourself that you thought were weaknesses. You feel some fears, but you go forward in spite of them. You move out of focusing solely on the past. You move from pain into possibility. You begin to let go of thoughts, beliefs, blame that keep you locked in the past. You discover more of your own power.