Is this the right thing to do?

[Sugar_Cube]

Hi all, Over the past year my H has had problems with porn and alcochol as I stated in other posts I have made in the past. I have asked him to get some help, and he rufuses to do so. A couple of weeks ago, he told me he called to see about going to counseling. I could tell he truely did not want to go. Weeks pased by and he never set up the appointment. I asked him why and he said that he did not want to to and that the only reason he was thinking of going was for me. I then told him that thats why counseling wouldn't work for him,because he has to want to go for himself and want the help. Not because someone said something about it.

 

He hasn't had any alcochol since about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I told him I didn't like the way it made him act. My kids were suffering as well because of the effects the alcohol had on him. I told him not to bring anymore alcohol in the house. No sooner did I say that 2 days later he brings in another bottle. Mixes him a drink with pepsi and forgets he has it setting on the table. Our 6 year old son comes in to have a swallow of what he thought was just pepsi. He gets sick off the taste because its mixed. I told my H that I have had it that was the last straw. He knew not to leave that laying around for the kids to get ahold of.

 

I have been going to counseling for myself for about as long as all this has been happening. My counselor told me it sounded to him that I've done about all I can do and its up to my H to want to get the help. I'm tired, stressed and at my wits end. its as if nothing I say or how I feel matters. So heres my question to you all. I am a firm believer in trying to make things work. However, sometimes a person can not do but so much. The other half of the work needs to come from the other person. I told him last night I loved him but I think we need some time apart to see what he truely wants. Sometimes that has to happen for some people to realize what they have. yes theres a risk in that because it may be that he discovers that he likes being away and doing his own thing, (hes basically doing that anyway). I just feel that sometimes in life we have to take a chance or a risk if there are things that we feel are worth salvaging. I told him I didn't want to go the legal route as far as legal situation getting lawyers and papers drawn up at this point. He does have a friend he can stay with and I suggested maybe him doing that. I just think we need this time to see where things stand. I have made the suggestion before for him to do that and he wont go. I don't really don't want him to either, but this is a cycle that I feel needs to be broke. If hes not going to get some kind of help, then I feel I have no choice but to do it this way. If he doesn't leave I'm afraid that it may have to end up in a lawyers hands.

 

I just want to know if others think I am doing the right thing? Not only that but I'm not even sure what my rights are as far as seperation. He is the main provider for this family and I do not work. I'm at stay at home mom. Any thoughts on any of this would be appreciated. Sorry so long. thanks to all.

[Olivia_19742004]

I agree with you in the regards that there is only so much one person can do to fix a marriage. It has to be a joint effort or it will never be truly fixed. All it is at that point is putting on a band-aid. Eventually, it's going to fall off and the same problems will come up.

[The Analyzer]

I agree with Olivia, that is so true. It will just keep resurfacing because it wasn't permantly fixed. I think that it may be a good idea for him to leave for awhile to see were things stand. As far as legally your rights, not sure on that. Good luck.