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jealous of his emailing coworker


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i have never posted to this site, or any sites like this before....and after you read my message, i'm sure you'll all think i'm being silly.....but here goes.

 

me and my bf have been dating for 2 years now....he works as a nurses aid in a hospital.....obviously, alot of women work with him....i've never really felt threatened by any of them b4, until now.

 

a while back he told me that he had done some flirting with this one girl whose a nurse, and that she really likes him and he felt powerful flirting with her.....but that's all that happened, flirting....and he didn't want to tell me at first, cause it was nothing, but his therapist suggested he tell me, to be honest with me. (he had a bought with depression a while back, and sees a therapist every other week....no biggie) of course i got upset, and he swore he'd never listen to his therapist again! but since then, i've been secure about him working with this girl.

 

this woman made him cookies for his bday....and that was odd for me....but he assures me that she's just a really sweet woman, and there's nothing to worry about.....then recently i had to put my cat to sleep, and she sent home a bag of cookies for me (she made a whole bunch for the other nurses and aids too)....and my bf joked that he tasted them to make sure they weren't poisoned or anything. and he mentioned also, that she's starting to do the online dating thing to meet men (since me and my bf met each other on an online dating service)

 

the thing that's bothering me now, is that they've been emailing each other. my bf had dial up service for a long time, and he would get so much spam, and not be able to clear it out every day, he'd have me do it from work. but he just got a new computer with a cable modem, so i haven't had to clear out his spam for him....but i took a look the other day (i know i shouldn't have, but its become habit to log onto his account) and i noticed that he's getting these emails from her, but that he initiated them....and i feel so bad for snooping and all....but i guess my jealousy got to me....the content of the emails are mainly jokes and i have to keep telling myself that that's all they are....one co worker sending another co worker jokes...and a couple of personal messages here and there....nothing to worry about right?? i guess i just need to be reassured that nothings going on....even tho he said nothing is going on with her....

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Ok, you've snooped and didn't like what you found. I think you need to come clean with your man and tell him and then discuss how this makes you feel and what you are and are not comfortable with. Let him know that while you know that some of the things he tells you about her and the teasing is to let you know that he wants you and to make you feel secure, that it is having the opposite effect. Now that you know she likes him, is contacting him (even as a friend) it bothers you. While obviously he can't not talk to her as he works with her, let him know that you want him to keep it strictly professional and to stop with the jokes and personal emails - and especially the flirting.

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no, i know the flirting has stopped....when he told me that first time that he had been flirting with her, but it had stopped and he saw how much it hurt and upset me....they seem to be buddies now. and if he says something about her, i'll be like "i still feel a little weird about talking about her" and he'll say "i know....but there's nothing to worry about....she really is just a sweet woman....but there's nothing to worry about...."

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I think you guys will be ok.

Be happy that he actually came up and told you about her.

Some guys won't even do that.

All you found were jokes. No big deal.

I send my guy friends jokes all the time and it doesnt mean anything.

If you were to have read something incriminating then thats a diff story.

I think your just having a jealousy moment lol and you'll be ok.

If it continues to bother you talk to him again and suggest a therapist for the both of you guys in order to work it out.

He sounds like a good guy I wouldnt worry.

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AND she seems really sweet. That was very nice of her to send you cookies to try and cheer you. Don't let a few poisonous thoughts ruin such a good deed. Normally if people have something to hide they aren't going to reach out and comfort the stranger they are betraying. Have you met her? Maybe if you try to become pals some of your jealousy will ebb.

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yeah....maybe you're both right? from one of the emails i read, i know she's working today....since the nurses work on a 7am-7pm shift and the aids work the 3pm-11pm shift, my bf and she will be on the same floor for a few hours.....i sometimes stop by the hospital to say hi to him on the way home from work....maybe i'll stop by and see if he introduces me to her? i can thank her personally for the cookies then! :)

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if he doesn't intro me to her tho.....i just have this sinking feeling like he's hiding something from me....i know whatever emails he gets from her he deletes....maybe he knows he's doing something wrong?? i'm second guessing myself now....

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Originally posted by db9844

if he doesn't intro me to her tho.....i just have this sinking feeling like he's hiding something from me....i know whatever emails he gets from her he deletes....maybe he knows he's doing something wrong?? i'm second guessing myself now....

 

Always trust your gut. It's never wrong!! Flirting indicates an interest beyond friendship. She's a sweet person and he spends time with her at work and then e-mails her after hours. That's a recipe for a closer relationship right there. I would definitely keep an eye and ear out.

 

If you show up at the hospital and he DOESN'T introduce you to her, then that's another red flag! Like I said before, never second guess your gut feelings!

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You have every right to thank her in person. If he doesn't intro on his own- ask him to. If he hesitates then I'd become suspicious.

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I agree with faybelle. You can't just show up and expect him to introduce her to you. That would be weird ask him to.... if hesitates or gives excuses then you should worry.

She sounds like a sweet girl but then again that could just be a mask.

I only say that because before when I was younger (and didn't know any better)

I had a friend that I had a crush on and he had a girlfriend.

I was sooo nice to her only to seize up the competition and make him mine.

But honestly I don't thibk you should worry. He told you about it.

To me thats So important because communication is the key to keeping a relationship together.

I don't think he would tell you about her if there was something he was trying to hide.

You know suppose you would've checked his email and found the emails and he hadn't told you about her!

Then I would worry.

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From your post, sounds like she is just a nice person.

 

It sounds like it was just your bf flirting with her for fun, not *her* flirting with him.

 

She didn't sent the emails. She just replied to them, and it was just jokes.

She made cookies for him, but she made them for all the other person she works with too. And she made them for *you*, and she never met you. I think that could be not only a nice gesture, but also a way of saying 'hey, I'd like to meet you, I am not interested in your boyfriend'. My guess is that your bf also joked with her telling something like "my girlfriend might get jealous".

 

This lady sounds very okay and nice. It doesn't sound like she is interested in your guy, while your bf sounds a bit silly. Could he be a bit of an attention-craver, or could he be just teasing you?

 

His joke about poison in the cookies was very tasteless. It almost spoiled her nice gesture. :mad:

 

The idea of meeting her in person is just great! :) I think it will reassure you a lot.

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i would probably have to ask him to intro me to her....since he knows that i'm a bit uncomfy with him even mentioning her.....he'll probably be taken back by me even asking to meet her....

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actually....he emailed her once...and then she sent him like 8 joke emails...that's what his attraction was with her, was that she liked him....and he felt powerful flirty with her....and i told him i understood that flirty every once in a while is heathy, as long as it doensn't lead into anything, and its short....everyone wants to feel "wanted" every once in a while....but i told him it wasn't right to flirt with her, since she did like him so much, it was like leading her on or something.....he agreed, and said the play flirting would stop......now they're email buddies....and they talk at work....he's said before he would never want to get involved with her anyway.....way too much baggage, and she's either still married or divorced or something like that.....so logically i know he's not going to leave me for her.....

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I would definitely want to meet this woman. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, and he has a lot of female friends. I didn't really think anything of it, until he mentioned this girl Amy. He only told me about her because she was coming to town and was going to spend the night at his apartment. He told me that they were just friends and that he had known her since he was thirteen. I expressed my discomfort with this, and said that I would like to meet her. The weekend came and went, and I never met her.

 

Three months later, I found a letter he had written to her on his computer. It turns out that she told him that she had feelings for him when she came down to stay with him. He had not even told her that he had a girlfriend until she visited--we had already been going out over five months!! The whole time this was going on, he didn't tell me anything about it--he even met up with her out of town on a few different occasions. Nothing physical ever happened, but he definitely considered leaving me for her. When I found out, and he thought I would leave him, he realized that he loved me and broke off contact with her.

 

Now he shows me every e-mail she sends, and shows me his phone records so I know he is not talking to her. She still contacts him and wants him to break up with me. It has only been 5 weeks since I found out, but I am trying to trust him again. Be sure to tell your boyfriend exactly what you are thinking and worrying about. It sounds like he is being much more honest than my boyfriend was--but then again, I never thought my boyfriend would lie. Trust your insticts...they are probably dead on. Mine were.

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I think one thing to keep in mind is that she made you cookies because your bf talked to her about you and your cat. That means that he is feeling good enough to talk about his girlfriend to this co-worker.

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