oh boy, how do i even begin to explain..

[SelahSue]

Lets say, i had a best guy friend for about 5 months. hung out every single day, he never tried to get with me, never flirted, never showed any signs of having any interest in me. then one night, out of nowhere he kissed me...one thing led to the other and bam. from then on, we would hang out normally...but most the time when we did, it was to hook up. now, its been three years and we hookup every couple months. why? he has had 3 girlfriends. now i know what that sounds like.."only hooks up with you inbetween girlfriends because you're easy and he knows he can get it from you until the next girlfriend...i know. BUT! the last time we hooked up, he told me he broke up with his girlfriend (they have been together a year). after we did, come to find out they were very much together. she left him. i know he loves me, as a person, as a friend...but he doesn't want to be with me. why does he still chase after me? am i being too easy? hes only the second guy ive ever been with sexually. why is he trying to hook up with me when he has girlfriends? i don't feel like i am an easy hookup at all. every time he comes wanting sex, i never just give it to him. but i do love him. and we do have very intense/passionate sex. when we are together (non sexually) he always tries to hold my hand, play with my hair and other lovey dovy bull****, without attempting to get too physical... even when has a girlfriend.. we are early 20's btw. so? ._. am i the bad person here for not knowing wtf to do?

Edited September 4, 2012 by SelahSue

[Forever Learning]

I know his type, and I understand why you and he are friends, he is a fun, charismatic guy.

 

When you get tired of playing second fiddle to the other women in his life, you will put an end to this heartache (and go 'no contact' to break away for good).

 

So much of it is hormones and the chemical Oxytocin in your brain, keeping you bonded to him. Crazy, huh? It's true. It's chemical! A lot of it.

 

Going no contact will help your brain get back to normal, so you can find a better guy who is honest, loyal, faithful, fun, funny, sexy and crazy for YOU and only YOU!

 

Read all you can everyday around here, it HELPS.

 

Read all about coping and rules of no contact. You CAN do it!

 

Good luck and all the best to you dear.

Edited September 7, 2012 by Forever Learning

[TaraMaiden]

... am i the bad person here for not knowing wtf to do?

 

You're the FWB and you are even when he's with someone, so you're a FWB with a cheater who has little or no respect for women, other than treating them as objects to fulfil what he wants.

Harsh, but true. I dearly love a really good buddy of mine, but he's a total prick of an @sshole where women are concerned.

I see it, he's still a friend, but I think he's a jerk, and I tell him that.

He says:

"Yeah well, while women still fall at my feet, I still get to wipe them".

 

That describes this guy you love so much.

And you're enabling his cheating, and you are a FWB.

While you lie down and take it - literally - what's to stop him?

[ForeverHopeful1]

If he will do it with you, he will do it to you. No matter what happens with this guy, he is never going to be Mr. Right. Stop giving it up to him. All he sees you as is a piece of meat and an easy lay. I am not saying it to be mean, but my best friends are men and I do believe they have told me things like this a time or two. I just dont want you to end up being hurt long term because of this.

 

Even if you did end up dating him, could you trust him? How do you know youre the only one he cheats with? Or do you know you arent?

[ambivalentwish]

Lets say, i had a best guy friend for about 5 months. hung out every single day, he never tried to get with me, never flirted, never showed any signs of having any interest in me. then one night, out of nowhere he kissed me...one thing led to the other and bam. from then on, we would hang out normally...but most the time when we did, it was to hook up. now, its been three years and we hookup every couple months. why? he has had 3 girlfriends. now i know what that sounds like.."only hooks up with you inbetween girlfriends because you're easy and he knows he can get it from you until the next girlfriend...i know. BUT! the last time we hooked up, he told me he broke up with his girlfriend (they have been together a year). after we did, come to find out they were very much together. she left him. i know he loves me, as a person, as a friend...but he doesn't want to be with me. why does he still chase after me? am i being too easy? hes only the second guy ive ever been with sexually. why is he trying to hook up with me when he has girlfriends? i don't feel like i am an easy hookup at all. every time he comes wanting sex, i never just give it to him. but i do love him. and we do have very intense/passionate sex. when we are together (non sexually) he always tries to hold my hand, play with my hair and other lovey dovy bull****, without attempting to get too physical... even when has a girlfriend.. we are early 20's btw. so? ._. am i the bad person here for not knowing wtf to do?

 

You should set higher standards for yourself! It's exactly like what pretty much everyone has been saying in this thread:

 

(1) By giving in to him you're basically letting him know you're okay with cheating so even if you guys do end up "dating" there is a high chance that he'll cheat on you.

 

(2) You should stop letting him take advantage of you. You'll let him know that way then that it's not okay with you for him to "use you" at his own convenience. Harsh but true. This kind of scenario is only potentially harmful for you do in my opinion you should remove yourself from it as soon as possible.

[spiderowl]

He has no boundaries and you are not enforcing any either. He thinks he can do it all and you won't object. My guess would be that you are his best friend and have always been there for him and now he assumes you always will be. He is taking you for granted.

 

Do you mind this guy having other girlfriends? What does your heart tell you? If you don't, and you still want to hook up with him, then you could carry on. If you don't like him having other girlfriends, you have a few choices. You could remain friends but keep it as just friends - no touching. You'd have to tell him the new rules though and enforce them. You could share him with his girlfriends. Or, you could tell him that you would like to be with him if he didn't have other girlfriends, but will not be his girlfriend as long as he's hooking up with others. You'd have to stick to your guns.

 

I have a feeling if you laid down the rules, he'd choose to be with you, but as his behaviour seems to leave a lot to be desired generally (he's persistently unfaithful to his girlfriends), would you really want him as your boyfriend?

Edited September 17, 2012 by spiderowl