confused21 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 I've fallen hard for my best guy friend of 2 1/2 years. I'm 24, he's 25. We've been FWB for 10 months. He brings a smile to my face but also tears to my eyes way too often. I smile when I think of him randoming thinking of me and calling me and being the only non family person in my life who I see every couple of weeks or so. He's never around and when he's around he has total control of when i can see him b/c he wont make plans. He has made it quite clear many times that if I cant deal with his last minuteness and that if I cant be available at the time he is available then I have to deal with it and that I wont see him. I just cant take much more of this. It upsets me if I dont talk to him for days or if I dont see him for weeks. If he ever asks a favor of me I jump b/c I want to please him while the little I ask him for I have to remind him over and over again and usually he never comes through. He has to have figured out I have a thing for him by now and over a year into our friendship he decides we should fool around. We never kiss.. as he said in the past, physical stuff is just physical. I'm beyond emotionally attached at this point and I dont know how to get out w/o just wanting to tell him off and saying goodbye! lol Anytime I've ever tried to talk to him about my feelings, he may listen to some degree but it always starts a fight with us and me saying anything may be our final straw. So what can I do?? Link to post Share on other sites
Kage Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Hello, My name is Kage, Im new to this board but hopefully I can help a little. I am a male, so I can shed some light onto this problem I think. So, You care for this guy, But yet, he only sees you on his time? First things first, To make a relationship work well, It hasta be 50/50 can not be just one person calling the shots. That part you said, Told me, Hes defenetly for of the controlling guy, he wants people to beckon to his words. Unfortunetly, Unless your someone who likes commands and likes to sit beside the telephone waiting on his calls day in and day out, That is not a good thing. So, Personally, from me to you, I would suggest that you just tell him you wanna stay friends and try to move on with your life. Try not to be scared of being alone, because trust me theres alot more guys out there that are more then willing to give it there all. That is my advice to you, Just be friends that way you dont feel like you owe him a commitment or anything like that, and just move on as far as the love life goes. You will find that you will be much happier, and so will he probably. Or then again he may change and be willing to give that 50/50 when he dont have the luxury of making all the choices. Just be nice about it, and say, you wanna be just friends for now and explore other aspect of your life. Tell him you dont want to be commited to anyone at this time but you will always care for him as a very dear person in your life. Hope to be of some help. -Kage Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused21 Posted July 21, 2004 Author Share Posted July 21, 2004 I've pretty much had it with him this week. I'm on vacation from work for 9 days, I have 4 days left and I've told him multiple times I'm off and I want to see you and he has no interest in even giving me any sort of answer muchless showing any interest in wanting to see me at all. I left him 2 messages this week and he finally returned my call last night so I'm not gonna call him again. Im sure his excuse will be well I didnt want to give u an answer since I dont know when I can see you. Thats always his answer. I'm just gonna stop asking to see him since all it does is hurt me more when he less then receptive to my request. Any thoughts?? Link to post Share on other sites
Kage Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Well, To be honest, the best advice I can give you, Is to defenetly, Move on, Because life is too short to waste time trying to deal with something that just isnt there. you can not go through life dealing with excuses and hanging onto what "Might be" you gotta look at what it is, and accept it. So, My advice is to just wash your hands of this and move on with your life, You can do much better and he will have to learn the hard way. Hope it helps, Sorry for the late reply, I was with my Fiancee in Indonesia. (Vie) -Kage Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused21 Posted July 28, 2004 Author Share Posted July 28, 2004 Thanks for your reply. He's actually initiated our phone contact the last 3 times I've talked to him. I've decided this is how he's always been and I have to stop putting myself in those situations all the time which I know will upset me . My friend kinda pointed out the obvious which is true.. he calls when he can and he hangs out at his convenience. So I did stop asking to hangout and he actually left me a VM mentioning he wants to see me soon. So I feel better about things. He hasnt asked me for any favors YET lol but when he does I'm definitly putting my foot down and telling him I'll be happy to do favors but I'm not doing anymore until you can produce the things which are long overdue to me. Do u still think this is a bad situation overall and I should just walk away????? Link to post Share on other sites
Kage Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Hello again, Umm as for the current situation. Its really up to you. If you think you can deal with his actions and you want to pursue it then try. But, if your looking for my personal opinion based on what you have told me. I would just cut my ties, Because I think you will find it very hard to build a solid based relationship, Just because of the way he conducts himself. Specially when you hafta work around his schedule to see him, and he isn't trying to compromise both his and your schedule toget the most out of eachother. So, to be very frank, I don't think hes a ver commited person and My personal advice would be to move on and just cut your ties with him, There are plenty of guys out there that will make sacrifices needed to make a prominent relationship work. It can not EVER be one sided like this. It takes 2 to make it perfect. That is my advice to you, I really hope it helps some. Im trying to put myself in your shoes and when I do that, Then it makes me not like this guy very much because of his actions. But, You know him better then I do. My advice would be to just move on, Find someone thats willing to make the same sacrifice as you are. If not then im afraid you will be left at home waiting on him to call and never getting it. Thanks, Hope I am of some help to you. --Kage Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused21 Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 Thanks again for your replys. Well I have been dealing with his actions the entire time I've known him. We used to work together up until about 3 months ago. It was hard to consider taking any steps toward changing this situation when we worked together. Now since I dont see him at work anymore and all our contact is on the phone or when he has time to see me, it has made it easier to reevauluate the situation. He really does have the WORST memory. He left me a VM Tuesday night, he said he was calling to say hi, but not to call him back since he'd be asleep and then said hopefully we can get together shortly and he said not that night. So I talk to him last night and he's like why didnt u call me back last night..... I wanted to hangout. I was like your message said not to call u and that we would be hanging out soon and not last night. So he's like no I didnt say that. I was like I swear you did, I have the message saved and he clearly said everything I heard. So that was kinda annoying! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Kage Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Well, To be honest if he dont remember the things he says to you, then I doubt hes taking you very serious. People who really want to have a relationship with someone always remember what they say, and even when they say it. Specially in the start of it. Now when your married for 20 years you may slip.. hahahaha but for now he should remember what he says, unless hes a habitual drug addict or just dont really take it serious. I still say for you to cut your ties and move forward, your not gettig any younger and life is to short to wait around on something that MIGHT BE when your missing out on the things that Will be... Thanks.. good luck -Kage Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused21 Posted July 29, 2004 Author Share Posted July 29, 2004 Well I know we are not gonna be a couple, I've accepted that... I mean should I keep this friendship going or move on? BTW he regulary brings up certain topics and it will be months before he "remembers" them again.. but this was just so weird.. that he like totally forgot the message he left me and remembered the exact opposite of what it actually said. Link to post Share on other sites
Kage Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 Hey again, Umm, Well I think you can still be friends with him. But in the right sence. You know, Friends dont sit around and wait for calls. So I dont see why you cant be friends, but just also let it go a little bit too. Dont feel obligated to hang out with him whenever it is conveniant for him. You gotta have your personal life also, and he will hafta understand that. So sure, but remember to keep your love life seperate from your friends. Dont get Friend feelings mixed up for love feelings and you will be fine Good luck to you. -Kage Link to post Share on other sites
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