why is he doing this to me?

[sazz85]

me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year. when we 1st met i had just lost my patner and father of my 3yr old son and wasnt ready for a relationship but he persued me everyday ringing or coming to my flat or 2 a mutual friends house to see me in the end i gave in i was lonely and unhappy so i went along with things, more or less straight away he started telling me how to run my life like you need to get a job then slaging my friends and telling me how to bring up my son i dont how we lasted this long we argued constantly and then made up but if i was in the wrong he'd drag it out for weeks bringing it back up and putting me down and nothing was ever his fault wheneva he did anything wrong it was because i did sumit to him.. he started watching porn all of the time as he new i had major issues with it from my past and he wanted to punish and hurt me behind my back like he had one over on me coz i didnt know then when id find out hed blame me say i shouldnt of done such and such he would never accept any responsabilty untill days later and hundreds of insults later he would say that was bad im sorry if you dont upset me and do this and that i wont do it i promise i dont need that i just need you... the aniversary of my partners death came up i was upset and down well he didnt like that so again he went and looked at porn to hurt me coz i pushed him out he said again i swear on my dead fathers life he wouldnt do it again but just today i found out hes done it again its so upsetting as all ive done for the last two moths is hold us together im now 20 weeks pregnant hes went out and blown all his wages on drink and god knows what for the last two months so ive had to scrape money together to make sure were feed and he has petrol to get to work and all i get is grief he kicks off and says its my fault he blew the money coz we'd argued in the end he pushed me and pushed me i cracked up i totally lost it i thought i was gonna have a nervous break down and now hes wankig ova porn because of me loosing the plot this im writing is only the half of it there been violence he puts me down on a daily basis he talks about me with others as if im not there list goes on.. he of course denies hes controling but i think he is as he uses the porn as control if i say or do anything he dont like then hes gonna do that today i wasnt gonna say anything but i cudnt help in i sent a message to his phone while hes at work he replys yeah well i dont care just like you kicking off like that making me feel bad this happened 2weeks ago and its still his excuse now hes telling me he will get his mam to get his stuff tomorrow and im like what the hell have i done to deserve this im nearly 5months pregnant vunruble and emotional i just want to feel safe and loved and im not i dont understand why he blames me for everything im not allowed to have feelings at all. am i in the wrong ? am i going nuts ? i just dont know what to do anymore

[strongnrelaxed]

Wow. This is a mess. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. I am trying my best to understand why you would let yourself get pregnant under these circumstances. Clearly this man is going to make your life a living hell until you leave him - which it seems to me where this will eventually end up.

 

I tend to avoid asking "why" when it comes to bad behaviors. I do not care "why" people do things. I just do not accept bad treatment from others. I would rather be alone and have a few very good friends that be around abusive people. The fear of being alone is one way they get away with this for so long.

 

I recommend you find a way out of this mess for the sake of your babies. If you put up with this for so long, you might consider asking yourself why you would get hooked up with a guy like this in the first place when you already have a baby who needs you.

 

Once you answer this "why" for yourself, then you can avoid getting with any other man. Some people are meant to be single for a while. This sounds like you.

 

Good luck.

[KraftDinner]

I mean this in the nicest way possible: I think you'll get a lot more feedback if you go back and put punctuation and paragraph breaks in your post.

 

It was a little too hard to get through.

 

From what I read -- I'm so sorry for what you're going through.