My first serious girlfriend left me for her ex, how do i get over her?

[tward2008]

Hi I can relate as I've been in a similar situation before aswell. My favourite part is getting angry and tearing everything up. Your ex is a complete coward abd it shows. If she was really happy I doubt she would be doing this. How old is she? 15? Reminds me of Mean Girls! Delete and block her. She didn't want you, know REJECT her! Obviously she loves playing games. Don't let her.

Dont worry i blocked her. Her maturity level is around infant level. Shes not its all about all eyes on her. I do believe shes too gutless to say something about it too.

[tward2008]

I hope you're right. Sometimes all i want is for him to atleast know i was a great girl. I just dont think he saw any of that. He never called me amazing the way he does to his gf now and it hurts so bad. He never told me that he was lucky to have me but he tells her that. I find myself comparing myself to her and that i am no where near as good as her. She's not only so much more attractive but that she probably IS amazing in personality that he kept going back to her (she was his ex and they got back together).

 

I really do need to do what you do though and get rid of all the reminders. Atleast the messages and the pictures. I totally know what you mean by the warm feeling after being able to not respond and delete her message. It's a very very difficult thing to do and it's very tempting to fall for it but you had the courage to stay strong and not fall into whatever trap she's trying to do. I really give you props for that. Like you said, you're not going to wait and see what her ulterior motives are. And you can't wait and see, you have to move on and keep going with you're life, better yourself that way you can be the best that you can be with the next girl. Your ex has issues that she needs to fix on her own and it's better that you do not become a part of that. You really seem like you have so much to offer that I know the next girl is definitely going to be very lucky and happy to be with you. Are you feeling any better now?

There was something else i missed i wanted to reply to from this. Theres absolutly no reason you have to compare yourself to her. I did the same thing with that guy. I thought he was better looking and better than me. But then i realized after 50 people said "she chose him over you?!" that i am better than him, but some people choose to lower themselves to the level of their standards. She didnt deserve me like your ex doesnt deserve you(no offense).

[gomea]

Thank you very much. She could possibly try. But in my heart, no matter how much i loved her, i couldnt look at myself in the mirror by taking her back. My diginity and self respect wouldnt allow it. She has to learn sooner or later the games are over. She will realize(maybe already has) that not only did i treat her better, i wasnt texting girls behind her back. Using excuses like she was confused, we fought alot(we didnt, maybe once every 2 weeks) are bullspit. Her best friend(a really scummy girl) was the one who approved of all of this. But anyway im ready for that fresh start. I am a really impatient person so the wait may kill me ha. But im ready, and i know this will for the best. We cant be to impatient, but it doesnt help when i seem like the sad sack. However we both live in a small town, and the support for me over her has been rediculous. Who knows, maybe ill help her grow up into an adult by moving on. And yes i plan on doing all of those things for the next girl, because im old fashioned and i dont take things for granted.

 

Yup, being patient and waiting is very very hard. I feel that we both have lessons that we have learned from this last relationship that we want to bring to our new relationship. However, we both havent met anybody. I am very impatient as well and its been hard waiting and thinking when is that person going to come. Sometimes i think our sadness is coming not necessarily from the break up anymore and more of the frustration waiting for that next person to come along. Have you done anything to distract yourself though?

 

And look at you! You are definitely in the right path in terms of moving on. You seem like a very strong and dignified person that you cannot accept someone who has done you wrong in the past. I do know some people deserve a second chance but that definitely depends on the situation. Your ex definitely do not deserve a second chance with you.

 

I know you're right about not comparing myself to her. But Ive always had low self esteem and this whole break up just made my self esteem hit rock bottom. Unfortunately, my friends couldnt lie to me about how pretty the girl is. I dont want them to lie either because i know the truth. They do tell me that i am pretty in my own way. I guess in a way its dumb because you cant really compare us since we're difference ethnicity. Im more of this cute little asian girl, while she's this hot blonde chick that all guys probably fantasize about. So i feel that i cant really compete. I know its not a competition, but you know what i mean. Usually a relationship or the significant other is supposed to bring out the best in you and not the worst in you. It seems that your ex is changing for the worse. She probably isnt even the girl you fell in love with anymore. And that alone should show you how much of a better person you are than the new guy.

[tward2008]

Yup, being patient and waiting is very very hard. I feel that we both have lessons that we have learned from this last relationship that we want to bring to our new relationship. However, we both havent met anybody. I am very impatient as well and its been hard waiting and thinking when is that person going to come. Sometimes i think our sadness is coming not necessarily from the break up anymore and more of the frustration waiting for that next person to come along. Have you done anything to distract yourself though?

 

And look at you! You are definitely in the right path in terms of moving on. You seem like a very strong and dignified person that you cannot accept someone who has done you wrong in the past. I do know some people deserve a second chance but that definitely depends on the situation. Your ex definitely do not deserve a second chance with you.

 

I know you're right about not comparing myself to her. But Ive always had low self esteem and this whole break up just made my self esteem hit rock bottom. Unfortunately, my friends couldnt lie to me about how pretty the girl is. I dont want them to lie either because i know the truth. They do tell me that i am pretty in my own way. I guess in a way its dumb because you cant really compare us since we're difference ethnicity. Im more of this cute little asian girl, while she's this hot blonde chick that all guys probably fantasize about. So i feel that i cant really compete. I know its not a competition, but you know what i mean. Usually a relationship or the significant other is supposed to bring out the best in you and not the worst in you. It seems that your ex is changing for the worse. She probably isnt even the girl you fell in love with anymore. And that alone should show you how much of a better person you are than the new guy.

Trust me i know about the different ethnicity situation. Im caucasion and he is hispanic. But i know she is changing. She acts fake anymore. Shes lost alot of her friends. But not every guy wants a blonde girl. Its about what individual people want. I dont have very high self esteem either, but i can tell im better. I know this sounds arrigant but i have to say that im better personallity wise and even maybe in looks. He is universally hated by his own family. I know that ill find better but its difficult not to compare yourself. What you need to realize and so do i is that they have something wrong with them. SHe must think hes best for her, and shell end up incredibly poor with no future(hes has no future). They do this everytime and they wont last. But for me to take her back would be a nightmare, and the hoops shed have to jump hoops to prove she ever cared(i doubt she would) so the chance is 0%. What hurt was shes what i thought i wanted. Dark haired pretty girl who made me laugh and smile. But i do 0 smiling anymore so yeah i have to reivaluate what i want. Theres someone out there looking for you like theres one looking for me. The wait sucks but itll be worth it. I just hate having no one to text when im lonely or chat with when i get breaks at the college.

[macardent]

Hello Brother, I have been in a similar situation twice in my life. All you gotta do is lay back. Don't think about getting back at her by finding a better girlfriend. Just try to love yourself, workout, start a new hobby, and do things you love doing. Go out party hard. Look at the bright side - you don't constantly need to reply to her stupid messages, you can hangout with your pals whenever you want.

 

Why not think, she might be putting them facebook statuses to show you that she is over you? to get back at you? why not take that as an ego boost that she is still looking for your validation. She still wants to be able to control you.

 

Not replying to her texts? MY MAN! Thats the way to go. I couldn't do that, I begged my exes, I begged for a second chance. They never come back. But they always tried when I moved on!

 

She will know what she did - karma is a bitch my friend! it'll get you one way or another.

 

The first girl that left me for her ex, and then left him for another guy. And she left that guy to be with me again. I never took her back.

 

She tried to get back with me after three ****ing years, after I was so much better with everything.

 

Always remember my friend the dumpers never do better, but the dumpees do. Because when somebody leaves you. You feel incomplete, your self-esteem is hurt, you loose your sense of reality and start working on yourself. In the end you become the better person and they stay the same with that ego of theirs they get nowhere in life.

 

You'll be a better man in a year or two I guarantee it! And when this girl comes crawling back to you which she will I know! she might not make it obvious but when you are better than what you are. She will want to get back with you and thats when you get to tell her. "I am looking for someone better."

 

STAY NC! IT HELPS! TRUST!

[macardent]

There was something else i missed i wanted to reply to from this. Theres absolutly no reason you have to compare yourself to her. I did the same thing with that guy. I thought he was better looking and better than me. But then i realized after 50 people said "she chose him over you?!" that i am better than him, but some people choose to lower themselves to the level of their standards. She didnt deserve me like your ex doesnt deserve you(no offense).

 

 

YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS GUY! Trust me..

 

Don't think like that, don't think like she has a better personality or that she better looking(She probably dress slutty:P) Work on your looks, do all the women thing. You'll be fine trust. When I see some of my exes looking better I go nuts and regret not being with them.

[tward2008]

Hello Brother, I have been in a similar situation twice in my life. All you gotta do is lay back. Don't think about getting back at her by finding a better girlfriend. Just try to love yourself, workout, start a new hobby, and do things you love doing. Go out party hard. Look at the bright side - you don't constantly need to reply to her stupid messages, you can hangout with your pals whenever you want.

 

Why not think, she might be putting them facebook statuses to show you that she is over you? to get back at you? why not take that as an ego boost that she is still looking for your validation. She still wants to be able to control you.

 

Not replying to her texts? MY MAN! Thats the way to go. I couldn't do that, I begged my exes, I begged for a second chance. They never come back. But they always tried when I moved on!

 

She will know what she did - karma is a bitch my friend! it'll get you one way or another.

 

The first girl that left me for her ex, and then left him for another guy. And she left that guy to be with me again. I never took her back.

 

She tried to get back with me after three ****ing years, after I was so much better with everything.

 

Always remember my friend the dumpers never do better, but the dumpees do. Because when somebody leaves you. You feel incomplete, your self-esteem is hurt, you loose your sense of reality and start working on yourself. In the end you become the better person and they stay the same with that ego of theirs they get nowhere in life.

 

You'll be a better man in a year or two I guarantee it! And when this girl comes crawling back to you which she will I know! she might not make it obvious but when you are better than what you are. She will want to get back with you and thats when you get to tell her. "I am looking for someone better."

 

STAY NC! IT HELPS! TRUST!

Thanks man i plan on enjoying myself. She downgraded and i think shell realize it, and try to muscle back in. But i plan on looking for a new girl, and enjoying the new freedom from walking on egg shells. She is that kind of girl that wants what she cant get, and i think me moving on will drive her crazy. I think it's already eating at her seeing me happy and enjoying myself. Every time i have a down moment she never sees it, and she never will.

[gomea]

Trust me i know about the different ethnicity situation. Im caucasion and he is hispanic. But i know she is changing. She acts fake anymore. Shes lost alot of her friends. But not every guy wants a blonde girl. Its about what individual people want. I dont have very high self esteem either, but i can tell im better. I know this sounds arrigant but i have to say that im better personallity wise and even maybe in looks. He is universally hated by his own family. I know that ill find better but its difficult not to compare yourself. What you need to realize and so do i is that they have something wrong with them. SHe must think hes best for her, and shell end up incredibly poor with no future(hes has no future). They do this everytime and they wont last. But for me to take her back would be a nightmare, and the hoops shed have to jump hoops to prove she ever cared(i doubt she would) so the chance is 0%. What hurt was shes what i thought i wanted. Dark haired pretty girl who made me laugh and smile. But i do 0 smiling anymore so yeah i have to reivaluate what i want. Theres someone out there looking for you like theres one looking for me. The wait sucks but itll be worth it. I just hate having no one to text when im lonely or chat with when i get breaks at the college.

 

Im sure at one point in your life she is everything that you wanted and thats why you fell in love with her. But she's a changed person now and is no longer the girl you fell in love with. Well unless you can fall in love with the person that she's become which im hoping you dont because shes not good for you. So dont beat yourself up for thinking that she's the girl for you, we all think that way when we fall in love. I know it hurts and it scary to think that what if no other girl comes who has everything that you want. Trust me, you will meet someone who has everything that you're looking for in a girl and even more.

 

I totally understand about getting lonely and not having anyone to spend your time with. We all miss having that special someone. But you've mentioned you're in college, you should definitely join groups or clubs or activities. Make your college life a memorable one. The one thing I regret the most is that i didnt really do anything when i was in college besides study, work, and be with my bf at the time. I loved every moment i spent with my bf then but when we broke up, I realized i didnt have a life. I didnt have friends or anything to do which made me even more depressed. Unfortunately, it was almost my senior year when we broke up and i let the break up take over my life. Needless to say, i spent my senior year crying instead of enjoying my last year of college. So take this opportunity while your single to enjoy your college career! It makes me jealous when i see my friends who are still in school because it makes me wish that i can go back and do it over again. i will def do it differently.

 

And no you are not being arrogant. We all want you to come out of this and use the experience, the pain, to make yourself a better person and have a better life. I dont know how long you and your ex have been broken up, but it seems you're already using this experiencing and becoming a better person.

[gomea]

YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS GUY! Trust me..

 

Don't think like that, don't think like she has a better personality or that she better looking(She probably dress slutty:P) Work on your looks, do all the women thing. You'll be fine trust. When I see some of my exes looking better I go nuts and regret not being with them.

 

Loved the advice you gave tward. It def applies to me too. And this kinda made me laugh...the girl does look like a slut but i thought it was just me hating on her because he got back with her and chose her over me. Ive been working on myself a lot. I think ive been successful physically and wish that my ex would see me now. But in his eyes, he's probably so mesmerized by her and thinks she's always been above me. Ugh. Sorry im bitter. Haha

[Chi townD]

Okay...you need to start the next part of your plan. You need to make massive positive improvements in your life. Go out and get a new hairstyle, something that people will notice and like. Buy a new wardrobe. If you normally wear jeans and a t shirt, change to buttondown shirt, designer jeans with a belt and suede leather shoes. Look sharp! Total GQ.

 

Go to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. This will help relieve stress and work out your frustrations plus you get a ripped and lean bod.

 

Then, go back to school. Get a bachelors, if you have that, then get a masters. education will open a bunch of doors for you and improve your financal status so you can afford that kick ass townhome and afford a nice ride.

 

Then finally, travel! Go see the world! Even a small trip somewhere to start! Think of a place that you've always wanted to go. Convince some friends to go with you. Like, deep sea fishing in the Florida Keys! SOMETHING!!! Save your money for the trip and just GO!! It would drive your Ex crazy to be honest, but the more important thing is to do it for you!

[tward2008]

Im sure at one point in your life she is everything that you wanted and thats why you fell in love with her. But she's a changed person now and is no longer the girl you fell in love with. Well unless you can fall in love with the person that she's become which im hoping you dont because shes not good for you. So dont beat yourself up for thinking that she's the girl for you, we all think that way when we fall in love. I know it hurts and it scary to think that what if no other girl comes who has everything that you want. Trust me, you will meet someone who has everything that you're looking for in a girl and even more.

 

I totally understand about getting lonely and not having anyone to spend your time with. We all miss having that special someone. But you've mentioned you're in college, you should definitely join groups or clubs or activities. Make your college life a memorable one. The one thing I regret the most is that i didnt really do anything when i was in college besides study, work, and be with my bf at the time. I loved every moment i spent with my bf then but when we broke up, I realized i didnt have a life. I didnt have friends or anything to do which made me even more depressed. Unfortunately, it was almost my senior year when we broke up and i let the break up take over my life. Needless to say, i spent my senior year crying instead of enjoying my last year of college. So take this opportunity while your single to enjoy your college career! It makes me jealous when i see my friends who are still in school because it makes me wish that i can go back and do it over again. i will def do it differently.

 

And no you are not being arrogant. We all want you to come out of this and use the experience, the pain, to make yourself a better person and have a better life. I dont know how long you and your ex have been broken up, but it seems you're already using this experiencing and becoming a better person.

I will. ive felt better after talking this out and i might not post for awhile until i see anymore developments, but theyre going nowhere. One day they fight the next there lovey dovey. She is not worth my time at this point, she never will be. Time to move on. I met a girl today and the only drawback is she has a baby. That doesnt mean were gonna date but its nice to talk to a different girl, and shes 25(much more mature). Shes alot more like me, and she understands things that a 19 year old doesnt. So i know we both will move on, and its bound to happen. Just keep the faith. Ill check the site again but im going to go a couple days trying to just enjoy myself. I hope you find a new guy, and ill check back in later on in the week.

[gomea]

I will. ive felt better after talking this out and i might not post for awhile until i see anymore developments, but theyre going nowhere. One day they fight the next there lovey dovey. She is not worth my time at this point, she never will be. Time to move on. I met a girl today and the only drawback is she has a baby. That doesnt mean were gonna date but its nice to talk to a different girl, and shes 25(much more mature). Shes alot more like me, and she understands things that a 19 year old doesnt. So i know we both will move on, and its bound to happen. Just keep the faith. Ill check the site again but im going to go a couple days trying to just enjoy myself. I hope you find a new guy, and ill check back in later on in the week.

 

Im glad your doing and feeling much better. Yes, go enjoy yourself and have fun with your friends. Like i said, this past relationship you had is going to teach you a lot of things. It might even change on what you really want in a girl. Hey maybe this time around you realize you want a girl who's a bit older because of the difference in maturity. You will know in time and you'll know when you meet her. I know you said you live in a small town but try your best to not get any more details about her current relationship whether it be good or bad. Any news will just hinder your moving on process. Just post on here whenever you feel like talking to somebody!

[Jakeallen]

I recently had the exact same situation happen to me. (short story version) I'm about the same age as you and she was also my first serious relationship. Her ex was also a terrible boyfriend, constantly cheated on her and broke her heart. She told me how happy she was now with me and that no one else in the entire world treats her better than I have. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with her. But then out of the blue she broke up with me. The day before she broke up with me we had an amazing night together. When she broke up with me, she told me that she didn't love me and this was as far as her feelings could ever go for me. Oh by the way she said this to me in a text message..... Then she TEXT me again a couple weeks later later telling me how sorry she was for hurting me.. But she said she still loved her ex and that they are getting married now.... Then just a couple weeks after that she got married to him.....

 

Worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life was my heart breaking..

 

But Like people have said, the more you see her, talk to her, and hold onto the things that remind you of her, the harder it is to let go and find the one you were really meant to be with.

 

I'm new to this site and was just looking for some advice too. Thanks for reading, I know seeing others posts have helped me a lot

[tward2008]

Im glad your doing and feeling much better. Yes, go enjoy yourself and have fun with your friends. Like i said, this past relationship you had is going to teach you a lot of things. It might even change on what you really want in a girl. Hey maybe this time around you realize you want a girl who's a bit older because of the difference in maturity. You will know in time and you'll know when you meet her. I know you said you live in a small town but try your best to not get any more details about her current relationship whether it be good or bad. Any news will just hinder your moving on process. Just post on here whenever you feel like talking to somebody!

I know my absence didnt last long lol but outside of occasionally getting sad im doing good. I do want to go a couple days without seeing her, which is what i plan on doing this week.

[tward2008]

I recently had the exact same situation happen to me. (short story version) I'm about the same age as you and she was also my first serious relationship. Her ex was also a terrible boyfriend, constantly cheated on her and broke her heart. She told me how happy she was now with me and that no one else in the entire world treats her better than I have. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with her. But then out of the blue she broke up with me. The day before she broke up with me we had an amazing night together. When she broke up with me, she told me that she didn't love me and this was as far as her feelings could ever go for me. Oh by the way she said this to me in a text message..... Then she TEXT me again a couple weeks later later telling me how sorry she was for hurting me.. But she said she still loved her ex and that they are getting married now.... Then just a couple weeks after that she got married to him.....

 

Worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life was my heart breaking..

 

But Like people have said, the more you see her, talk to her, and hold onto the things that remind you of her, the harder it is to let go and find the one you were really meant to be with.

 

I'm new to this site and was just looking for some advice too. Thanks for reading, I know seeing others posts have helped me a lot

My ex also left me through text, so i feel your pain. Im in a slightly different boat though because theyre already having problems. Im realizing though that this is not my fault, nor yours. They will have karma come back at them.

[gomea]

I know my absence didnt last long lol but outside of occasionally getting sad im doing good. I do want to go a couple days without seeing her, which is what i plan on doing this week.

 

Haha post as much as you want. It really helps to let it out even just a little a day until you're completely okay. Today was a tough day for me unfortunately. It's 9/11 and my ex is a marine so i cant stop thinking about him and hoping he's okay. Plus everything around me today reminds me of him even just the American flag...

[tward2008]

Haha post as much as you want. It really helps to let it out even just a little a day until you're completely okay. Today was a tough day for me unfortunately. It's 9/11 and my ex is a marine so i cant stop thinking about him and hoping he's okay. Plus everything around me today reminds me of him even just the American flag...

Im sorry to hear that, and im sure thats tough. 9/11 is just a depressing day for everyone. I understand what you mean when everything reminds you of them. At least the days just about over. Im that way with certain movies we went to see toghter, ruins the movies for me. Good news finally went a day without seeing her, talking to her, or hearing about her. Hopefully the first of many. I have the flu and cant leave, which helps me avoid her.

[gomea]

Im sorry to hear that, and im sure thats tough. 9/11 is just a depressing day for everyone. I understand what you mean when everything reminds you of them. At least the days just about over. Im that way with certain movies we went to see toghter, ruins the movies for me. Good news finally went a day without seeing her, talking to her, or hearing about her. Hopefully the first of many. I have the flu and cant leave, which helps me avoid her.

 

Oh no! Im sorry to hear that you have a flu. Its definitely not the ideal way of avoiding her but im glad you didnt have to see her. Its gonna be difficult to avoid her especially if you work with her but sometimes u gotta go out of ur way. I know its not good to let it hinder you from doing your everyday routines, and im not saying to do it to that extent but if you dont have to pass by her and theres another way you can go so u dont see her. Do it! Hope you're feeling better today! I'm still a little emotional but def better than yesterday!

[tward2008]

Oh no! Im sorry to hear that you have a flu. Its definitely not the ideal way of avoiding her but im glad you didnt have to see her. Its gonna be difficult to avoid her especially if you work with her but sometimes u gotta go out of ur way. I know its not good to let it hinder you from doing your everyday routines, and im not saying to do it to that extent but if you dont have to pass by her and theres another way you can go so u dont see her. Do it! Hope you're feeling better today! I'm still a little emotional but def better than yesterday!

Im glad to hear todays been better. We just found out my mom may have breast cancer(she thinks its just a growth) and that her best friend does have colon cancer. So yeah its been a rough day. Last thing i need is her bugging me.

[gomea]

Im glad to hear todays been better. We just found out my mom may have breast cancer(she thinks its just a growth) and that her best friend does have colon cancer. So yeah its been a rough day. Last thing i need is her bugging me.

 

Wow. Talk about being in the same situation. My mom has cancer too just recently diagnosed and she's gonna be having surgery soon. Unfortunately because of this stupid break up, i havent exactly been there for my mom or my family. I have so much anger in my heart that I feel i always take it out on my family.

 

Im so sorry to hear about your mom and her best friend. It must be a rough day for you, just all out difficult time. And yes you really do not need to be bugged by an ex girlfriend who has issues with herself. I feel like a hypocrite saying this but really try to be there as much as you can for your mom right now. She needs you the most right now. Im trying my best to control my anger when im around my family too and i think i want to write my mom a letter before her surgery to apologize for the way ive been acting.

[tward2008]

Wow. Talk about being in the same situation. My mom has cancer too just recently diagnosed and she's gonna be having surgery soon. Unfortunately because of this stupid break up, i havent exactly been there for my mom or my family. I have so much anger in my heart that I feel i always take it out on my family.

 

Im so sorry to hear about your mom and her best friend. It must be a rough day for you, just all out difficult time. And yes you really do not need to be bugged by an ex girlfriend who has issues with herself. I feel like a hypocrite saying this but really try to be there as much as you can for your mom right now. She needs you the most right now. Im trying my best to control my anger when im around my family too and i think i want to write my mom a letter before her surgery to apologize for the way ive been acting.

Thats a nice thing to do. My ex has the stones to talk to my friends about how difficult it is being in a long distance relationship. My friends told her to please shut the hell up. This girl has no common sense, and she is only making more people hate her. But Thats the past. I havent seen her in 5 days, and i hope it continues. Each day i feel stronger.

[gomea]

Thats a nice thing to do. My ex has the stones to talk to my friends about how difficult it is being in a long distance relationship. My friends told her to please shut the hell up. This girl has no common sense, and she is only making more people hate her. But Thats the past. I havent seen her in 5 days, and i hope it continues. Each day i feel stronger.

 

I just went on this and realized you've wrote something. Sorry for being gone for so long. How are you doing? Im not sure if you still go on this but I hope everything is going well!