jesusfreak Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Wow, I've never been more confused about a relationship in my life. I've only had two boyfriends during my life and both of them have been long term relationships. My first boyfriend was my first love and he cheated on me more times than you can count on your fingers. He still won't admit that he did, but when his best friends and people you work with and so many more tells me that he is, then he is. I pretty much emotionally broke myself up with him a month before we really broke up. I cheated on him with my boyfriend that I have now, and broke it off the next day. Cheating is bad, but atleast I had the balls to tell him I did, right? Anyway, on New Years there was two things to do. Hang out with my boyfriend at the club ro go see a Christian rock band with my friend Ryan. I told my boyfriend that I wanted to see the rock band but he was insistant on the club and told me to just go hang out with Ryan. Little did I know, when I go and hang out with Ryan it would make my boyfriend mad. That night while I was at the concert, my boyfriend met a girl named Molly. Oh, I hate Molly. She would be so rude and upfront. Well, she started dating his best friend and I was cool. Little did I know she was secretly calling him and asking him to lunch and making moves on him. In about May, my boyfriend, his best friend and wife, and myself were talking about church and temptations and influences..and my boyfriend just like freaked out and started crying. We were all weirded out so he went outside with his best friend to talk. An hour later he comes back in and tells me he wants to talk to me and so I go and talk to me and he tells me that he has been eating lunch with this Molly girl once a week for three months. (We had only been dating like 5 months). And he spent the night with her and tried to sleep with her. It broke me down and we broke up for a month. He came to me at church on a Wednesday and told me that he missed me and so on so on and we got back together. I'm having these issues though. Everytime I see him I think about him cheating on me. Everytime he wants to go somewhere I think "What if he's cheating on me". Everytime I'm closing at work he is at work with me (his choice) or he's riding his bike, or we're watching movies or at church. All my friends can say is "I can't believe you're back with him after him doing that" and it makes me second guess everything. Or guys that have crushes on me try to say crap about him. I've always heard once a cheater always a cheater. But is this always true? I think my boyfriend coming to me and tell me was one of my biggest reasons to getting back with him. Showing that he cared.. He's done a lot for me..got me into church and everything...I love him a lot. I just want some sort of backing to let me know that I'm not doing this for no reason. That there is a chance that he can just cheat once and never again. He tells me he was really confused then and didn't know what path he wanted to be on, but now he's on God's path. I just want to be reassured I guess. Give me some feedback please. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Cheating is bad, but atleast I had the balls to tell him I did, right? Cheating IS bad, but it did take a lot of balls to tell him, alot of people won't even do that, so good for you. Now, to the main problem. That fact that your boyfriend came out and told you what happened shows that he felt ALOT of guilt. He could have just easily never mentioned it to you and you wouldn't have been the wiser. But you can't help but think about him cheating on you. After all, he did. I guess it's just a question of trust. How much do you trust your boyfriend? Can you handle it when he's not in your sight and could possibly be sleeping with another girl? Relationships are mostly built on trust, it's essential if you want want it to work. In my opinion, I don't think "once a cheater, always a cheater" holds true in every circumstance. There are ALWAYS exceptions, and this might be one of them. I can't tell you that he won't cheat on you, no one can, probably not even him for sure. You just have to trust your judgement in this one. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
vanandme4him Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Let's see, where to begin... Ok, well, ANYTHING is possible, but historically...the first time you cheat is alwasy the hardest, then it gets easier. Trust me. As someone who has been cheated on and has cheated. I am a Christian and I think you guys are too, right? Well, I can tell you that when I cheated on my ex husband, the guilt was sooooooo bad that I had to check myself into a hospital for depression. And although it was THAT bad, I still cheated again. (I'm telling you this, not because I'm proud of it, but because I believe the Lord carried me through these difficult times/bad choices i made, to at least be able to help others). IMHO, the fact that he is a Christian and has the fear of the Lord is a feather in your cap. But remember, we are all human. We all fall, we all make mistakes. So, if you want to pursue this relationship, you need to squash your insecurities. Let it go....however.....personally, I think you two should put the relationship on hold for a while. Give him time to realized that he gambled on something that wasn't worth it. Don't make it easy for him to come back. He needs to know that your are worth so much more and hopefully this time apart will allow him to reflect more on his actions, and hopefully not cheat again. That's just my two cents worth... Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater. I believe people can change, but they have to want too. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
unluckylady Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Originally posted by vanandme4him Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Let's see, where to begin... Ok, well, ANYTHING is possible, but historically...the first time you cheat is alwasy the hardest, then it gets easier. Trust me. As someone who has been cheated on and has cheated. I I agree. The thing is, it does get easier. The guilt is easier to deal with, you learn the tricks to not getting caught, and you realize if you mess up that it gets easier to move on. So, while I don't think once a cheater always a cheater, you should be warned that it's like ... oh ... one cigarette. Usually leads to two, then three, then a pack, then you're addicted. They taste the thrill, they'll do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
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