winstonsdreams Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Yesterday i read somebody not being an advocate for keeping track on the NC timeline. I tend to disagree as at some point you forget where you are at with NC, at which point you know you are on your way to healing. My story of dumpers regret has been posted on this forum already. I broke up with my ex 4 months ago, regretted it 2 months later and try to win her back but she had now moved on. I tried to win her back but she has a boyfriend, good for her! I sent her one last email title 'acceptance' and promised never to bother again, and that i was glad she had found an amazing guy that made her happy. She responded but we have had no contact since. So we are at 5 weeks NC today, it is becoming apparent i will never hear from this girl ever again, i hurt her, i dumped her, and she moved on. I have gone through all the scenarios in my head over the last 5 weeks, maybe a grand gesture, meet her at her work with flowers, the last phone call, romantic letters, emails, smoke signal, everything. She is over me. I really screwed this relationship up and i need to move on. The thing is even as a dumper i won't be initiating contact with her, as she has a boyfriend, and i have to respect that. People on LS always say contact has to be initiated by the dumper, well while she has a new guy i won't be doing that. My feelings for her have not changed in 5 weeks, i still love her with all my heart, and i am definitely not ready to date others, but i am learning to live without her. I have decided this is a good time to finally be single for a while and really get to know myself. I have had so many set backs over the last few weeks, therapy has been really good to me. My psychiatrist advised this is the one relationship i have to let go, for my own good, she is gone and i won't be getting her back. I recently reconnected with another ex girlfriend that tore my heart out of my ***e 2 years ago. I had been NC with her for over a year, blocked on Facebook, the lot. I thought to hell with it, i called her, to see how i felt. NC had worked, i felt nothing, we spoke, laughed about old times, and plan on catching up when she is back in town in a few weeks. I added her on Facebook again and looking through her photos i smiled and remembered the good times. This girl left me for another man 2 years ago. I remember vomiting my breakfast back up everymorning. Crying ever night and seriously contemplated ending it. The point i am trying to make is, NC works, time heals and you get over it. That is what i keep reminding myself with this one. I still love my most recent ex, and wish we could make it work, but honestly NC has helped me assess things a little better, i mean if she can move on that fast, after 6 weeks, and be in 'love' with another guy so fast. Did what we have really mean that much to her? She is a single mother and is looking out for herself and her son, but i think i am starting to realise maybe she was not the one. Do i really want to be with someone that jumps from one relationship to another like that? When i KNOW she did the same thing when she met me. Apparently i was 'the one' she said. There seems to be a lot of 'the ones' out there. Stay NC guys. I have to say a big thanks to all LS users, as a dumper i have certainly received the hard word from a lot of heartbroken dumpees, but i am in your shoes guys we are all here for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
othersideofthepillow Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 What would you do if you knew she was single? Would you go after her or in finding yourself realized that single or not you two are not right for each other... Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 wow someone actually replied to my post. if i found out she was single i would call her tomorrow, i don't even know how long we have been NC. I guess i have just done all i can to move on. i still love her but am coming to realise she is gone. i think about her every day, but not as much. i think we could make it work, i just try not to think about it anymore, because i had some rough weeks there, real rough, wow. Link to post Share on other sites
othersideofthepillow Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 We all go through tough times and posting on here we all look to others for opinions and guidance. Some people will jump from one to the next as a way of avoiding loneliness and hurt. Doesn't necessarily mean they "loved" us any less. You are still very fresh in your break up and you don't know what the future holds. Some of the best advice my mother gave me before she passed away was that just because it didn't work out right now, doesn't mean that if you happen to come together in the future - i wont work out then Feel free to check out my thread as well I just posted entitled : Ex breaks NC after over a year Link to post Share on other sites
Zammo25 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 If she becomes single again you will be with her like a shot. Maybe your paths will cross again in the future. I don't hold any significance to hollywood bull**** films but the notebook is one for anyone who still holds a torch. If you love someone, I mean REALLY love them , that will be with you for the rest of your life. There may be some mileage between the two of you in the future. I would say it is an evens chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 posting on here really has been helpful! i wish she was single so i could make the effort. but i simply don't have the right while she is in a relationship. hence the NC, to heal, and because i do love her. everybody has said if it's meant to happen it will. i just hope letting her current relationship run it's course is the right thing to do. i often wonder if she still thinks about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 (edited) othersideofthepillow I'll suss out your post thanks for the advice! Edited September 14, 2012 by winstonsdreams Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 posting on here really has been helpful! i wish she was single so i could make the effort. but i simply don't have the right while she is in a relationship. hence the NC, to heal, and because i do love her. everybody has said if it's meant to happen it will. i just hope letting her current relationship run it's course is the right thing to do. i often wonder if she still thinks about me. Link to post Share on other sites
barese1 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 No no no. Thats the wrong mentality. It sounds like you are waiting for this relationship to end!! My ex was with someone about 2 months after we broke up. When she told me I felt crappy but not devastated. I know why. It meant it was well and truely over. The same as with you. She's moved on mate, start to elt go. False hope is the biggest problem afetr a break up. I feel sh^t still but I literally have no hope at all of reconcilation. That has actually enabled me to start to move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 wow you are so right a part of me is totally waiting for the relationship to fail! what is wrong with me it is over i need to let her go completely, and meet the one that completes me, she is gone. thanks for the wake up call i started getting false hope again today, which ostensibly dangerous! it's over! over! Link to post Share on other sites
barese1 Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Mate don't get me wrong. I held on to false hope for ages. In fact thats why total NC didn't really help me in a way. There was that constant feeling of hope. After my ex told me to my face that she was seeing someone, and seemed very keen it completely knocked that away. Don't get me wrong it will hurt but its a pain that you can build on. I still miss her but am under no dellusions that we will ever get back together. These girls just don't see us in that way any more. It sucks to think that but its the truth. Others will, and they will be better in so many ways Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 15, 2012 Author Share Posted September 15, 2012 i won't lie i am in the same boat i sometimes think that we could get back together. but she does have a new boyfriend and seems incredibly happy so i think that is about as much proof i need it's over for good. i honestly just can't get over the feeling of being replaced so easily, it makes me question the whole damn relationship! especially when i remember how much she loved me. i just can't break NC i don't want to know anything, it's the only thing that helped me come this far. i am just glad i did it on my own. still got a long way to go before i try a relationship again that's for sure Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Do you only want her because she's with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 God i wish i got a dollar for everytime someone asked me that. maybe? i missed her regardless, i try not to think about it anymore, i just focus on staying NC, so i can hopefully forget about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Fmrbrknhrt22 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Hey Winstonsdreams, Good to see you're still on here. I took a little hiatus from this site, but I'm back. barese1 is right on. You need to have 0 hope of reconciliation at this point, you need to live your life like she does not exist. It's been 7 months since I ended things with my ex. I've dated several women and none of them have compared to my ex so far, but I still hold hope that there is someone out there who is right for me, that NOT being my ex. Tonight has been rough for me, I'm tempted to unblock her from facebook and see how shes changed in 7 months and if she's happy with her guy. But you know what? It's just going to be painful and make me feel torn up inside after the brief high I'll get from the shock value. You're doing all the right things, NC being the most important. In the mean time, try and see if you can get some of your mates to set you up with someone, learn how to dance so you can impress at the clubs, even give online dating a shot if you want. The world is yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 18, 2012 Author Share Posted September 18, 2012 Fmrbrknhrt22! hey welcome back, your advice has always been super helpful, if i could give you some i would highly recommend not unblocking her on Facebook. it would only hurt. ill be keeping my ex blocked for a while. i really am making progress, and yeah really trying to live like she doesn't exist, it's the only way really. i have tried a little dating with no real luck but i think i am ready to try again. of course i always have LS! NC is the only way to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 Well it's another week, how many weeks this is i don't know, maybe 8? Feels weird, her bloody mum still comments on my statuses on Facebook and stuff, that really brings up weird emotions, but i am shutting off everything I have for her slowly, slowly not thinking about her as much, i go periods sometimes nearly an hour. I never thought i would get here It still hurts I still miss her but I am definitely learning that the only way is NC, I simply won't talk to her ever again. I am actually mad at her, even though i ended it, I am p***** off she moved on so quick, gave up on me, and I actually hold that against her, petty, but it helps me maintain NC. Maybe it is time for me to get out there and start dating again, I honestly hope i don't ever run into her again, NC has been the only thing that kept me going, and LS! Link to post Share on other sites
othersideofthepillow Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 Hey man first thing I can tell you is to stop counting the weeks. By counting, you are still holding on to a part of what was and what you hope will be in the future. I'm guessing that every time you count you do what - think of her?...so why count? You also said your mad at her now...but.... you dumped her? In all honesty you can't really hold it against her for moving on and being happy with someone else. When you left her you pretty much told her she didnt make you happy and would rather find it with someone else. It will get easier trust me. I used to think of my ex everyday and held on to false hope and it got me nowhere. In the end, none of us LS'ers can tell you when you won't feel this way - but I can tell you that it will at some point! All you can do now is accept what is reality and take it and learn from it. It will get better - just keep your head up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 othersideofthe pillow you are so right it is good i have lost count of the weeks i guess, it's all just time now. And yeah i can't really hold it against her for finding someone else so soon, i really should be able to let go of ALL emotions, i thought i was doing what i needed to move on. Holding a grudge is not moving on. NC has been awesome though, it's so weird, you read all the advice regarding NC and hope that it helps, and it really does. I am so glad i was able to control myself in the early days and not call or msg her, but i have always been good at that. I sent the one last 'closure' email (which even now seems pathetic) and have been NC since. It sucks when you let someone in, especially if you are a guy i think, and it doesn't work out. But hopefully i find someone else one day, my ex did, i am sure i will when i am ready. Just gotta keep my head up! Link to post Share on other sites
Fmrbrknhrt22 Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Hey Winstonsdreams. I noticed you said that her mom replies to your facebook status updates. I hate to say this man, but based on what you expressed, it sounds like she triggers thoughts of your ex and I think it would benefit you to block her on facebook along with your ex. I know it's not her fault the relationship didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, but it's for your own good. I was close with my ex's mom and I tried to maintain a friendship with her after the breakup and I just couldn't do it. She just reminded me too much of my ex. Her mom eventually sent me a facebook message saying, "Chris you will always have a place in my heart, but I understand if you want to delete me off of facebook to help you move on." And so I did and eventhough I would love to have a relationship with her mom because of what an awesome person she is, I just can't out of respect for my ex and because she's a trigger that makes me think of my ex. Hopefully one day you can be friends again, but for now I would block her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author winstonsdreams Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 damn i knew it, i was waiting for someone to tell me to do that. what can i say i feel like i keep some kind of connection with my ex through her mother. there i said it. but every time she comments or likes a status i get that sinking feeling in my stomach. i see the damn family photo with her and her son. i guess it's kind of cheating on NC. I may have to tell her sorry but i have to delete you, i need to completely move on and when i am making good progress it sets me back. God i miss her though Link to post Share on other sites
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