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Rejecting a Marriage Proposal a Deal-breaker?

avon20

By avon20,
in Getting Married

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avon20

avon20

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It seems like rejecting a marriage proposal is a dealbreaker automatically and the unpardonable sin even if I change my mind after the fact and chase my ex girlfriend down and ask her to marry me. Why is that? Especially if a woman takes it upon herself to ask her boyfriend to marry her and he flat out tells her no then in most cases the relationship is destroyed even if he chases her after the fact and gets down on one knee with ring in hand and begs her to marry him.

 

What is it about that one time rejection that severes the relationship forever? And it seems like guys who chase their ex after rejecting her proposal make themselves look worse and push her away further.

 

So there's a double whammy. I can push a woman away by saying no to marriage and then pushing her even further away by chasing her after the fact and telling her I change my mind.

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CarolineNYC

CarolineNYC

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Without knowing more information, its hard to say why this particular situation has led to an irreparable end to the relationship.

 

Perhaps the woman has a severely wounded ego. To ask a person if they want to spend their life with you and to have them say no, and a flat out "no" at that (not a "yes but a long engagement" or "not yet, after I finish school") is a blow. If the person was hot and cold about marriage and not giving a clear read of their feelings before the proposal, then a flat out no speaks volumes.

 

Maybe her proposal was a final attempt after years of waiting or trying to bring together a relationship that was drifting apart.

 

To have the guy come back pleading and proposing and so certain that they want to get married can come off as flaky. To be so sure one minute about not wanting marriage, then chasing with a ring the next doesn't scream stability.

 

All this to say, if one person doesn't have a nearly 100% read on what their partners response will probably be, I can't imagine why they would propose in the first place. It's risking putting themselves in a position to be very hurt.

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oldshirt

oldshirt

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the first thing that comes to my mind is if someone flat-out rejects a proposal and then later chases that person down and gets on one knee and begs to marry them, I'd think they were a total psycho.

 

 

But other than that, I don't get what you don't get. If someone is wanting to get married and the person they are dating does not want to marry them then why continue to date??????

 

I think people kind of lose track of what dating is. Dating is an interview and probationary period to determine if someone is the person that you want to enter into a legally and socially binding contract within which to share a home and bare and raise offspring (ie "marriage." )

 

If during that interview and probationary period one party decides the other isnt who they want to commit to a home and family with then the interview and probationary period ends and each person is free to move on to interview other people.

 

If an offer is made and that offer is rejected then there is no point to continue the interview and probationary period.

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samsungxoxo

samsungxoxo

Posted
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It seems like rejecting a marriage proposal is a dealbreaker automatically and the unpardonable sin even if I change my mind after the fact and chase my ex girlfriend down and ask her to marry me. Why is that?
Because it wouldn't be done sincerely and instead she probably feels that either you're just doing it out of pity, you're playing games or you're crazy.

 

I would have reacted the same way too. If a man I love said no to me once, we would be done immediately and he wouldn't even be my friend. I would put him in the ''You're yesterday's newspaper'' list and find someone else the next day.

 

But I'm not going to be in that position as I'm never going to propose to a man unless I knew that's what he wanted but was too shy to ask it himself.

Edited by samsungxoxo
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avon20

avon20

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the first thing that comes to my mind is if someone flat-out rejects a proposal and then later chases that person down and gets on one knee and begs to marry them, I'd think they were a total psycho.

 

 

But other than that, I don't get what you don't get. If someone is wanting to get married and the person they are dating does not want to marry them then why continue to date??????

 

I think people kind of lose track of what dating is. Dating is an interview and probationary period to determine if someone is the person that you want to enter into a legally and socially binding contract within which to share a home and bare and raise offspring (ie "marriage." )

 

If during that interview and probationary period one party decides the other isnt who they want to commit to a home and family with then the interview and probationary period ends and each person is free to move on to interview other people.

 

If an offer is made and that offer is rejected then there is no point to continue the interview and probationary period.

 

 

I beg to differ. Some people actually would prefer to date one person for the rest of their lives and never marry. I'm one of them. I think having a girlfriend that I can date for the rest of my life without ever getting married and without having sex is the best of both worlds. One of the reasons I don't want to get married is that I don't want to be under any obligation to have sex with her or sleep in the same bed for 50 years. I would prefer to see her 3 times a week for the rest of my life but no more.

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Arabella

Arabella

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You're going to be hard pressed to find a woman who wants to have a long term relationship without no sex, marriage, or children. But, good luck looking...

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kae

kae

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a marriage rejection means your relationship is going nowhere.. to stay is a waste of time.

 

getting more upset by you chasing her has occured because you are prolonging and furthur complicating her mind..now she has to think more..

hopefully she doesnt contact you. it`s over.

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samsungxoxo

samsungxoxo

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I would think rejecting a marriage proposal would get a man put in the friend-zone forever.
Nope, to me it would be as if he didn't exist.
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samsungxoxo

samsungxoxo

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a marriage rejection means your relationship is going nowhere.. to stay is a waste of time.
Yeah, I don't see the point of staying with someone who wants things differently where you can find someone else at your same page.
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samsungxoxo

samsungxoxo

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You're going to be hard pressed to find a woman who wants to have a long term relationship without no sex, marriage, or children. But, good luck looking...
No marriage, well that's hard but can be possible. No kids, well though I wanna get married but don't want kids... that's not too hard.

 

As for no marriage, no kids and on top of that no sex.... I'm afraid the OP is going to end up alone. He might as well keep on waiting on a wharf and hopefully that dream girl will come. Or he can find himself a nun (they are found in churches).

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TaraMaiden

TaraMaiden

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Remember everyone, this is Chris250... the trolling stirrer...

I guess you should really all see this thread too....

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