MuscleCarFan Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 A narcissist would never trust a woman to be on birth control, neither would any remotely intelligent man I disagree, my wife (pink_sugar) uses BC and we have gone without condoms for some time now and no babies. OP, if your husband was going to flip out for you getting preggo, then the dumbass should have A) used a condom or B) gotten a vasectomy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 OOPS incoming, don't say I didn't warn you. Not all women are liars you know. Can't say about other BC forms, but the pill is 99% effective and often people who claim to have gotten pregnant on the pill usually admit to not taking them or forgetting to take them consistently, not because of the pill's lack of effectiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lavenderlane Posted September 6, 2012 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 I find that men are equally as trustworthy even when using their own form of BC. At least within the same ratio as women who fail to utilize their own method of family planning. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 A narcissist would never trust a woman to be on birth control, neither would any remotely intelligent man So my husband is an idiot then? I have been sexually active for more than ten years. Guess what? I have NEVER had a surprise pregnancy. I think it takes a moron to believe that all women are not trustworthy with birth control. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) So my husband is an idiot then? I have been sexually active for more than ten years. Guess what? I have NEVER had a surprise pregnancy. I think it takes a moron to believe that all women are not trustworthy with birth control. Exactly!! My husband knows I am absolutely adamant about not having kids until close to 30 and obsessive about protecting myself. We've been together 6 years and married for 4. Been on BC for 7 years. Unless you have reason not to trust the other person, one form of BC is sufficient. I am definitely for men protecting themselves...not just leaving it up to the woman. Barrier methods you always need some sort of back-up...at least if a condom breaks you have the emergency contraception pill. I am monogamous, my H is monogamous, I take my pills every day, so I am not concerned. Some women on the other hand, women who constantly express the desire to have kids sooner and sooner like my brother's fiance, obsess every time they see a baby...those are the ones you have to be concerned about. Edited September 7, 2012 by pink_sugar 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lavenderlane Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 I had the mirena before all this, wish I could go back to the ol' thing! With the diaphragm I was so paranoid about it too, when it was prescribed to me I researched it thoroughly to make sure I would use it to its most effectiveness. Well... 17 months and some odd number of spermicide gel tubes later.. BABY. Apparently we are to fertile for our own good. It will be a relief after this one when one of us gets "fixed".. Since I can't take traditional BC because of my blood clot history, and barrier method has failed us.. No more sex with fear of pregnancy! Yay recreational sex! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lavenderlane Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 Yes, there are DEFINITELY the "oopsy" on purpose ones out there. I always wanted another baby, but I was more than fine with waiting another year or two. Having a teething 17 month old freaking out all day and not weaned off the boob yet.. Doesn't exactly make you want to Jump back on the baby train. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I don't understand men getting pissy when they made the decision to have sex. No form of birth control is 100%. If you really don't want to have kids, have a vasectomy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I don't understand men getting pissy when they made the decision to have sex. No form of birth control is 100%. If you really don't want to have kids, have a vasectomy. QFT. All these guys complaining a woman gets pregnant to trap her man. If you don't want children - do something about it. Store sperm at a sperm bank, then get the snip. If you and your wife decide to have kids after this, you have viable sperm being held for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I take it you're adamantly opposed to abortion because, you know, she made the decision to have sex. I take it you're adamantly pro-abortion because, you know, you don't consider your responsibility to go any further than the end of your penis. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 (edited) QFT. All these guys complaining a woman gets pregnant to trap her man. If you don't want children - do something about it. Store sperm at a sperm bank, then get the snip. If you and your wife decide to have kids after this, you have viable sperm being held for you. What you describe requires a considerable monetary commitment, which most men are not going to do for 30 minutes of pleasure a few times a week. Men are programmed to stick their penis in as many women as possible, and when we get that thing in our face the last thing we think about is birth control, so the logical and common sense suggestion of yours above does not apply. The OP's bigger problem is what a volatile tool this guy is and why she is with him if she is so scared of him. Edited September 7, 2012 by standtall Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 QFT. All these guys complaining a woman gets pregnant to trap her man. If you don't want children - do something about it. Store sperm at a sperm bank, then get the snip. If you and your wife decide to have kids after this, you have viable sperm being held for you. Agreed! Modern medical procedures are a wonderful thing! If a man 100% doesn't want to impregnate the woman or women he is having sex with, then why not just simply store sperm for the "right" time and person and have a vasectomy to eliminate the very real possibility of conceiving offspring he doesn't want? My hubby and I have already talked about once we have 2 children, either I am getting my tubes tied or he is getting a vasectomy. Two of my sisters have already gotten their tubes tied... 1 sister after 5 kids (she doesn't want to have any more biologically) and another sister after 2 (she has health issues). Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I take it you're adamantly opposed to abortion because, you know, she made the decision to have sex. Of course not. Nice try. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 What you describe requires a considerable monetary commitment, which most men are not going to do for 30 minutes of pleasure a few times a week. Men are programmed to stick their penis in as many women as possible, and when we get that thing in our face the last thing we think about is birth control, so the logical and common sense suggestion of yours above does not apply. The OP's bigger problem is what a volatile tool this guy is and why she is with him if she is so scared of him. Well it may be a considerable monetary commitment, but do you know how much money a guy has to invest in bringing up a kid with a woman he may no longer be with? What would you rather do? Fund a 30-minute op with a local anaesthetic, (recovery time 6 hours) or fund a kid until he's 18+ to the tune of a total of around quarter of a million pounds, on average? I think that's a small price to pay for a roll in the hay with gay abandon for an hour a week.... It's also a far easier option that having to put a woman through a sterilisation procedure (General anaesthesia, invasive surgery, prolonged recovery time, hormonal effects....) or have her insert a metal mechanical device in her womb, qwhich is uncomfortable, undignified and with nasty side effects, or take hormonal tablets which mess with her system, moods and physique. You guys have it so easy, when it comes to sex. Do the work for a change!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ugh1 Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I am so sorry you are in this situation. It sucks that your husband can be a d**k. Because we house the baby for 9 months, it is all our fault if those little sperm wiggle there way in to just the right spot. So rediculous! Stand up, be a strong woman and tell him privately. If he throws a fit, walk away from him and don't talk to him until he shows some maturity. You also need to work out the whole issue of him telling everyone you got pregnant on purpose with the first one. A long talk about your expectations needs to happen and don't tolerate that crap any more! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lavenderlane Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 Thank you for the support everyone! It really has helped me.. I am going to tell him this weekend at some point. His work schedule this weekend is pretty busy so I don't know when my exact opportunity will be, and it definitely can not be in a phone-conversation. I'll just tell him matter-of-factly that I know it's awkward timing, but we will be parents again in May. -pause for dramatic reaction, let him get the freak out on- Remind him that I did everything on my end that I could to be responsible, if he didn't trust me maybe he should take that under consideration, use condoms. Or go ahead for the vasectomy after the baby is born and is ok. Tell him I'm just as surprised, that he is not the only one who wanted to accomplish things and prepare ahead of time for another baby.. But this isn't all on me, and if he can't be supportive then I can't be around that kind of stress. I mean honestly.. Our choices are be stressed and depressed for the next nine months, or accept it, be happy and get on with life.. After the baby comes it'll be a relief.. No more expectations for more kids, they'll be close in age so we are already in "baby mode." No need to be miserable, let's find solutions to our problems.. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 I like that angle. Don't get fussed, don't stress out, be matter-of-fact and natural. Let him blow a gasket, you don't need to get caught up in the storm.... Anything else is bad for you, and bad for the baby. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Good luck, I hope it works out as well as possible! Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) Well it may be a considerable monetary commitment, but do you know how much money a guy has to invest in bringing up a kid with a woman he may no longer be with? What would you rather do? Fund a 30-minute op with a local anaesthetic, (recovery time 6 hours) or fund a kid until he's 18+ to the tune of a total of around quarter of a million pounds, on average? I think that's a small price to pay for a roll in the hay with gay abandon for an hour a week.... It's also a far easier option that having to put a woman through a sterilisation procedure (General anaesthesia, invasive surgery, prolonged recovery time, hormonal effects....) or have her insert a metal mechanical device in her womb, qwhich is uncomfortable, undignified and with nasty side effects, or take hormonal tablets which mess with her system, moods and physique. You guys have it so easy, when it comes to sex. Do the work for a change!! Yea yea yea, you covered that already. Don't confuse me and my opinion because I am telling you how most men on the planet think. I agreed with you, I am just telling you how men are. I have been there and done that, and got fixed after my 3rd over ten years ago to save my wife the grief, and it was the best thing we did. However, when I have told my male friends how quick and painless, and yada yada yada it is, all they want to know is if the Dr. stuck a needle in my nuts or not. Once they know that, they check out of the conversation and will not hear anymore. Men are weird about their masculinity and virility, and anything that attacks that..a vasectomy for example...gets in their head, and they will not do it..... They will use any excuse in the book, other than the truth, and the money excuse will be the most common. So your logical, common sense suggestion does not apply. You are a woman, you do not have the equipment or male psychological makeup, and will never understand. The fact that you actually suggest that a typical man would think about birth control in the heat of the moment shows that you do not truly understand us. If the OP approaches him with this suggestion, he will not do it unless he wants to..end of story. Edited September 8, 2012 by standtall Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 Yea yea yea, you covered that already. Don't confuse me and my opinion because I am telling you how most men on the planet think. I agreed with you, I am just telling you how men are. I have been there and done that, and got fixed after my 3rd over ten years ago to save my wife the grief, and it was the best thing we did. However, when I have told my male friends how quick and painless, and yada yada yada it is, all they want to know is if the Dr. stuck a needle in my nuts or not. Once they know that, they check out of the conversation and will not hear anymore. Men are weird about their masculinity and virility, and anything that attacks that..a vasectomy for example...gets in their head, and they will not do it..... They will use any excuse in the book, other than the truth, and the money excuse will be the most common. So your logical, common sense suggestion does not apply. You are a woman, you do not have the equipment or male psychological makeup, and will never understand. The fact that you actually suggest that a typical man would think about birth control in the heat of the moment shows that you do not truly understand us. If the OP approaches him with this suggestion, he will not do it unless he wants to..end of story. Oh, I'm sorry.... I get your point now, and I agree with you. I didn't understand the angle you were coming from. If you'll pardon the pun..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lavenderlane Posted September 8, 2012 Author Share Posted September 8, 2012 Thankfully my husband is on board (last time we spoke) with the big V. With the clotting issues and pre-existing hormonal issues I have dealt with an invasive sterilization isn't particularly safe or even feasible. Also vasectomies are more easily reversed if in several years from now we decide to actually plan a baby out. (which I don't see happening lol.). But I agree, most men cover their ears to the conversation. I can understand why. Most men I talk to believe that you no longer have "emmissions which us of course is not the case. But on the other side of the token I have also been told by vasectomy patients that they've experienced an increase in libido. Woohoo! Link to post Share on other sites
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