Search or Stay?

[Gela]

I have been with my bf for over a year now, he is also my first serious bf. I have been hanging out with a guy friend a lot. He is such a cool person to be around with. Lately I find that me and my guy friend are playing around and end up doing things like touching each other and sometimes he'll kiss me. I have never dated and since my bf is my first, I am starting to have feelings like I should look around more before completely answering only to my bf. The only problem is, I can't imagine being without my bf, I really truely love and need him. My question is... I am right to search my options, look around more and see what happens, or just stay with my bf and see where it leads from there??? I am not looking for any answers to my problems, just as many opinions as I can get!! lol.

 

Thank you =O)

[Tony T]

You probably ought to look around, just for your own sake and curiosity, but you have to make that decision for yourself.

 

It is perfectly normal to fall for a friend that you are close to. It is also perfectly normal to want to see what sort of inventory life has to offer before settling down with someone.

 

When you ultimately meet the man of your dreams, you will not have any more curiosity or desire to date other guys. You will be completely happy and want to be with that person the rest of your life.

 

It doesn't sound like you are ready to settle down with one man and the present time. If you like the guy you're with, you might want to tell him you feel a need to see other people...because you're young and you have not had a lot of experience in dating different people. He will probably balk at that and most likely be hurt. He may even not want to see you anymore, that's a risk you will have to take.

 

But it sounds like you need to experience the world a lot more before you think about settling down with one person. Take control of your life and do what you feel is necessary. Before you act on any of your urges to see other people, make sure you inform your current boyfriend.

 

YOU WRITE IN YOUR POST: "I am starting to have feelings like I should look around more before completely answering only to my bf."

 

You are a free human being, not a pet or a servant. You shouldn't have to completely answer to anybody, ever. I think I understand what you mean...perhaps you mean commitment to your boyfriend.

 

You can stay with your boyfriend and see where it leads, but it sounds to me like you will always have a burning curiosity if you don't have a more varied dating experience prior to settling down. There is no way you will be able to keep your current boyfriend happy while you do such exploring. See what his response is when you talk to him but be prepared for him to look at this as a form of rejection. Don't expect him to be happy. On the other hand, maybe he feels he needs to look around some to. As a man, I personally would not want a woman with me who was prone to wonder about what else may be out there for her.

 

This is a decision that you must make all by yourself. But, again, if you don't satisfy your natural curiosity about the world, you will have to live with that curiosity all your days on the planet.

[Deejette]

The fact that you allowed the friendship with the other guy grow into something physical is a warning sign about your relationship with your boyfriend. You may be attached to him, but you are also interested in the other guy.

 

I agree with Tony, you should give yourself some room to explore what you really want, especially since this is your first serious relatinship.

You probably ought to look around, just for your own sake and curiosity, but you have to make that decision for yourself. It is perfectly normal to fall for a friend that you are close to. It is also perfectly normal to want to see what sort of inventory life has to offer before settling down with someone. When you ultimately meet the man of your dreams, you will not have any more curiosity or desire to date other guys. You will be completely happy and want to be with that person the rest of your life. It doesn't sound like you are ready to settle down with one man and the present time. If you like the guy you're with, you might want to tell him you feel a need to see other people...because you're young and you have not had a lot of experience in dating different people. He will probably balk at that and most likely be hurt. He may even not want to see you anymore, that's a risk you will have to take. But it sounds like you need to experience the world a lot more before you think about settling down with one person. Take control of your life and do what you feel is necessary. Before you act on any of your urges to see other people, make sure you inform your current boyfriend. YOU WRITE IN YOUR POST: "I am starting to have feelings like I should look around more before completely answering only to my bf."

 

You are a free human being, not a pet or a servant. You shouldn't have to completely answer to anybody, ever. I think I understand what you mean...perhaps you mean commitment to your boyfriend.

 

You can stay with your boyfriend and see where it leads, but it sounds to me like you will always have a burning curiosity if you don't have a more varied dating experience prior to settling down. There is no way you will be able to keep your current boyfriend happy while you do such exploring. See what his response is when you talk to him but be prepared for him to look at this as a form of rejection. Don't expect him to be happy. On the other hand, maybe he feels he needs to look around some to. As a man, I personally would not want a woman with me who was prone to wonder about what else may be out there for her.

 

This is a decision that you must make all by yourself. But, again, if you don't satisfy your natural curiosity about the world, you will have to live with that curiosity all your days on the planet.