Lovelygal Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Hello everyone, I just need a bit of advice and thanks to whoever gives it So, I started talking to a guy 4 years ago, on the internet. He lives in England and I'm from the US. We started off as pen pals, but eventually we started liking each other. So, in about 2 weeks...he's coming to visit for 17 days. He's already booked his flight, car, and hotel. He's never been to the US and has never even been on a plane. He's 24 and I'm 21. This is the craziest thing I have ever done in my life. Anyway, my question is....when he comes to visit should he pay when we go out to eat? If this situation was normal, I personally would think the guy should pay for the first few times, and after you've been dating awhile, it could be split, or I could treat him. Maybe I'm just a bit bratty. But I figured, since he was coming all this way, and already spending a lot of money. I didn't think it was right to assume he should pay? So do you think he should or not? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I think that you need to take the "should" out of this. Ask him how he wants to spend his time when he's in the US, how often he'd like to meet up, etc. Then, if it's often, ask him how he'd like to deal with paying for things. Work out your budget beforehand. If he tells you not to worry about it, he'll cover everything, you can say that you'd at least like to treat him a few times because he's paying for everything else. If he says that he'd prefer it if you split the bill evenly for joint activities, then you can decide if it's within your budget. If he says that he'd prefer it if you paid for all the joint activities, then again decide if you can do that. If you don't have the budget for it, then tell him. Depending on his accommodation, it might be possible to cook in the room. That might help your budget somewhat. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 I think you could help pay as he's already paying for everything else, unless he's much better off than you financially. I've never understood why the man is supposed to pay, why not take it in turns to treat each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Aquamelon Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 This makes me think of went I went to see my boyfriend back in July. I paid for my flight and hotel. He paid for the gas money (4 hour drive from the airport to the hotel/his hometown), paid for munchies and breakfast. It was during the 2nd for dinner I asked where we were going and he seemed hesitate but eventually told me he wasn't sure since he didn't exactly have a lot of money left. I gave him the biggest hug and treated for dinner that night... and the following 3. He paid for breakfast and for other snacks and things we did. This was our 2nd meeting and we'd been dating 6 months by that point so there was definitely a level of comfort that helped. I guess what I'm trying to say is cut your guy some slack. Since he's paid for all that, it seriously wouldn't be a big deal to treat him out for dinner. Since he is staying for a long period of time ask what accommodations are available at the hotel. Like does the room have a fridge/microwave? if you're staying with him for those 17 days in the room, you could bring over snacks/drinks to help save a little. Heck when my boyfriend came to see me we went to the supermarket and got frozen popcorn chicken and did it our selves in the room lol. So yeah... it would be sweet/nice/thoughtful/absolutely normal for you to treat your boyfriend for breakfast/dinner when he comes to see you =) Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 Hello everyone, I just need a bit of advice and thanks to whoever gives it So, I started talking to a guy 4 years ago, on the internet. He lives in England and I'm from the US. We started off as pen pals, but eventually we started liking each other. So, in about 2 weeks...he's coming to visit for 17 days. He's already booked his flight, car, and hotel. He's never been to the US and has never even been on a plane. He's 24 and I'm 21. This is the craziest thing I have ever done in my life. Anyway, my question is....when he comes to visit should he pay when we go out to eat? If this situation was normal, I personally would think the guy should pay for the first few times, and after you've been dating awhile, it could be split, or I could treat him. Maybe I'm just a bit bratty. But I figured, since he was coming all this way, and already spending a lot of money. I didn't think it was right to assume he should pay? So do you think he should or not? Thanks! This question is crazy. Whoever extends the dinner invitation pays - period. And in this case you err on the side of YOU paying for dinners, since he pays/(will pay) for so much of his travel expense to visit you. Others who have chimed in are giving sensible advice from their experiences. And by all means, no matter what additional hurdles you have - working-out the baffling questions ahead of time is a sure fire way to avoid awkward moments. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 I can share my experiences from long-distance 'dating'.... In-country, in my apartment, I treated dates with local ladies like I lived there, meaning I paid. As the trips were during the holidays, they would also entertain me in their homes with friends or family. A couple also bought tickets for us to opera/theater, which I offered to pay for but they declined. When we didn't need my driver, whom I paid, we walked or took public transport and shared those costs, if any. My suggestion would be to think of a few fun activities which are affordable to you and which reflect the 'flavor' of your locale and treat your visitor. You've apparently known each other a long time. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
I'm nuts Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 He is English, he will pay believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 True! It never occurred to me to think about who would pay for meals when we met, we just wanted to meet, and little details like that weren't important and they're still not. This question is crazy. Whoever extends the dinner invitation pays - period. And in this case you err on the side of YOU paying for dinners, since he pays/(will pay) for so much of his travel expense to visit you. Others who have chimed in are giving sensible advice from their experiences. And by all means, no matter what additional hurdles you have - working-out the baffling questions ahead of time is a sure fire way to avoid awkward moments. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 when he comes to visit should he pay when we go out to eat? If this situation was normal, I personally would think the guy should pay for the first few times, and after you've been dating awhile, it could be split, or I could treat him. Maybe I'm just a bit bratty. But I figured, since he was coming all this way, and already spending a lot of money. I didn't think it was right to assume he should pay? So do you think he should or not? I see it this way: if you're a giver, your best match is with another giver. If he is, money's not an issue. If he's not and you are, you'll be let down, especially in the long run. If you're not a giver, you shouldn't expect anything anyway, though from what you wrote it's clear you have expectations. What struck me is you didn't introduce him as your boyfriend or someone you fell for, rather like a guy you're talking to. So I think he's going out of his way a lot in this case. You'd be just dating casually. You can offer to pay for yourself at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts