Charlotted29 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 It has been 6 very difficult months of NC since the day it happened. Everyone says this is the best way to get over someone, to not contact them, but how long does this have to last? I am still feeling as depressed as I did the day he moved on with her. I miss him with all my heart and I swear... this is not getting easier. At work I stare into space, I find it hard to raise a smile, and still feel that terrible ache in my stomach. Without him, I am not happy, he wasn't just some kind of boyfriend. He was a dear friend and his family were my family. I feel like I can't get past this at all, does this ever ever get easier? Will there be a day where I will wake up and this doesn't bother me? I feel like I have literally tried everything to get over him and get on with my life and it is all still the same. I am going through the motions of work, seeing friends, 'living' but all just for the sake of it. I have totally lost my drive, and all because of someone I have loved and lost. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just contact him, and be in his life again just for the sake of satisfying my yearning for him, even if it would be hard it's better then having nothing! Has anyone else been through a similar thing where it has hit their life so hard for a long time, but eventually they have got their spark back? Link to post Share on other sites
coralblue Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 You have to live in the present, not in the past. Believe me, I know that this is R I D I C U L O U S L Y more difficult said than done (see my thread posted this morning). When I was going through some non-relationship-related stuff a few years ago, the book that saved me was The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. But you have to be wanting and willing to change in order for it to work. Come to think of it, I'll probably have another skim through it tonight. Take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
stemac Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Charlotte love doesn't just go away not real love anyway it can take years to really get over someone its like a death of a loved one would you be expected to get over them in 6 month ? i think not, i know its still painful and NC is Hell on earth, ive wanted to text my Ex many times and just say Help me ive been that bad but i new it wasn't right, if you contact him you will go back to the start do you really want that after 6 month, I don't think you do its a uphill climb to the top but your getting there, you need to start to love yourself and not him all the energy you are wasting on him,the depression, the sadness, the heart ache, you need that energy for yourself to get over this, I know because ive got to do the same his not being depressed and crying for you so why the hell should you do it for him, give yourself a pat on the Back you have done very very well, look in the mirror tell yourself, i am going to get through this and come out smiling :-) you know you can do it, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Charlotted29 Posted September 6, 2012 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 Coral Blue, thank you! You have just reminded me as I do have that book and should take a read of it x Stemac, you have helped me before so thank you. You always have such a great way of showing compassion with fab advice. I have been in that situation like yourself when you just want to text them and say 'help me' just in the hope they will say something to help you move on. Of course, we know this isn't the right way to go about things. If i remember past boyfriends of even a few years, it hurt but it was a different sort of love, this is a family type love. So you're right, I wouldn't expect to be over a death of a loved one so soon. This is also harder as they chose to leave us for someone else. I have done super well I must say lol, from super bad panic attacks and having to give up my job to going back to work part time and fighting. I most defiantly put alot of energy into missing him, and that is wrong. He isn't, in fact he's probably having a blast with his new girlfriend. Will take your advice on board Link to post Share on other sites
Sameold Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Remember that you are your own person, this is so important as you will never be happy again until you are happy in yourself. I am going through a similar break up, she just left barely a word after 4 great years. Infact as I right this this is the final night in this flat before I finally move out...it's been half empty for months and I've been in nc for 3 months now. My best advice is to think of your life as a see saw you need to balance, problem and hurtful ex has weighed one side down. The rest of your life is the other side and it's your job to build it up strongly so one day you will be balanced and neutral again. I have done the following since split: 1) followed my dream career and am undertaking voluntarily work in it. One day I hope to get paid in it professionally. 2) see friends, I went on a lads holiday with 2 best mates 3) got a secondment so I could save some money by moving back to my hometown 4) go on dates. I'm currently dating a girl, it's fun. 5) go running and to the gym Am I over the ex who myself and everyone thought I'd marry next year? Not nearly! But I am building up my life and I am always busy and if I keep going I know the hurt will subside as my overall life aura grows. Link to post Share on other sites
fenderjames Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 Hi Charlotte , read your post . Im 1 year in NC and its still hard . But its better than it was a year ago . Stay strong ... the harder it is just shows how strong your love was . You will be ok . Hold tight and keep on going k ? All the best . Link to post Share on other sites
spaniard Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 It's quite interesting for me that everyone's struggling with NC. My ex and I last talked like one and a half months ago, since it hasn't even occured to me to contact her. Maybe it's because she hurt me so much that my mind just wants to keep myself away from her. Surprisingly enough, it was her who broke the NC a few days ago with a strange question that I cannot really understand. I replied nicely while making sure that the conversation was over just there. Yet I cannot say I'm over her, but I'm striving for it. Honestly, many people are just waiting for the feelings to go away, but they won't. You have to fight to heal and move on. It's the toughest fight, because you have to fight your own thoughts. It's been two months since we are apart, but it's so much better now. When we broke up, I gave myself 6 months to move on. I feel that I won't need much more than 3-4 months to be over her completely. But you have to fight. It's all about this. Link to post Share on other sites
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