What are your strategies for overcoming fear?

[denise_xo]

Share them with me, please

[GorillaTheater]

Setting aside for the moment things that we SHOULD be afraid of (kids getting hurt, snakes, the government), the best way I've found is to visualize the worst thing that could happen, and to then visualize yourself handling it and being okay. And then understand that, chances are, the "worst" thing is extremely unlikely to happen.

[Taramere]

It depends on the situation. If it's something purely physical like jumping off a high ledge into a river, or plunging up to my eyeballs in ice cold water then my strategy is to empty my brain, count to three and just do it.

 

I had a big fear of public speaking. I still have it, but it's not the phobia it once was. Hypnotherapy plus practice helped me with that one. Actually I suppose whatever the fear is - whether it's a fear of physical discomfort/danger or a fear of being laughed at, my general remedy is to just take a deep breath, think "**** it" and dive in.

[denise_xo]

Setting aside for the moment things that we SHOULD be afraid of (kids getting hurt, snakes, the government), the best way I've found is to visualize the worst thing that could happen, and to then visualize yourself handling it and being okay. And then understand that, chances are, the "worst" thing is extremely unlikely to happen.

 

Thanks, GT. I've done a bit of that before, and I find it quite useful. Apart from finding out that the worst thing is not likely to happen, it also often turns out that the "worst" thing isn't actually that bad.

 

It depends on the situation. If it's something purely physical like jumping off a high ledge into a river, or plunging up to my eyeballs in ice cold water then my strategy is to empty my brain, count to three and just do it.

 

I had a big fear of public speaking. I still have it, but it's not the phobia it once was. Hypnotherapy plus practice helped me with that one. Actually I suppose whatever the fear is - whether it's a fear of physical discomfort/danger or a fear of being laughed at, my general remedy is to just take a deep breath, think "**** it" and dive in.

 

Do you mind expanding on the hypnotherapy? I find that interesting, but have never tried it.

 

Yes, the bold is probably what it often boils down to...

[Anela]

I'd like to hear about the hypnotherapy, too - only if you don't mind sharing.

 

I've experienced it twice, but for something that people would find silly (regressions). I was hoping to go back to one of the practitioners, for help with a few specific things.

[GorillaTheater]

I had a big fear of public speaking. I still have it, but it's not the phobia it once was.

 

Oh boy. You should have seen me at my first jury selection. I was so scared I could barely choke my words out. I won the trial, but I wonder how much abject pity may have played a role. Public speaking still makes me nervous beforehand, but it seems to disappear once I get started.

 

The take away seems to be: plunge in (as you mentioned) and the fear will resolve itself, at least to the point of becoming quite manageable.

[denise_xo]

I've also had HUGE issues with public speaking - to the point of my voice trembling uncontrollably and a bunch of baloney coming out of my mouth. Very embarrassing, and a lot of work to overcome that. It's still a bit of a hit and miss for me, but I'm better at it now than before.

[Taramere]

Do you mind expanding on the hypnotherapy? I find that interesting, but have never tried it.

 

I went to see this old guy years ago. He was about 70 years old, smelled strongly of sherry, listened obligingly as I rabbited on about the time I burst into tears at school (because the teacher shouted at me for being too quiet when I was reading out loud, and the rest of the class laughted at me) and how I felt this was at the root of my public speaking anxiety.

 

Then he went through the "count down, relaxing your eyes, neck, shoulders" etc. You're not unaware of what's going on, but just generally very chilled out and close to dozing off. He talked to me about being a strong, independent woman and I can't remember what else. Next time I went into court, although I was nervous it was a normal level of nervousness rather than the phobia I'd felt before.

 

I've got a few hypnotherapy CDs. I don't listen to them very often, but now and again if I'm feeling really stressed I'll listen to my relaxation one..or if I'm feeling a bit unhappy/low on confidence I'll listen to the positive thinking one. I know some people just don't find it effective, but I think a lot of it comes down to

 

a) whether you want it to work and

b) whether you trust the process.

 

When I went to see the hypnotherapist I was very invested in it working and I think that helped a lot. Sometimes people think on one level that they want to make a change in their life, but on another level they're invested in the advice they get (on how to bring about change) not working. Negative thinking wins out, as proving their long standing internal scripts (ie "nothing will ever work for me....I'm an impossible case") correct matters more to them than effecting change for the better does.

 

I've met a couple of people who tried hypnotherapy and told me, with what seemed to be a certain amount of satisfaction, that the process didn't work for them. Thinking of their personalities, it was probably less a case of them not wanting to bring about positive change as being about them seeing hypnotherapy as a dominant/submissive process. They were afraid that they'd be giving up power to the hypnotherapist...but in fact, you could snap yourself out of the state of calm that hypnotherapy induces you into at any point. After hypnotherapy (conducted by a real person, as opposed to a CD which I'll tend to listen to via my ipod shortly before falling asleep) I feel relaxed, happy and alert.

[denise_xo]

I went to see this old guy years ago. He was about 70 years old, smelled strongly of sherry, listened obligingly as I rabbited on about the time I burst into tears at school (because the teacher shouted at me for being too quiet when I was reading out loud, and the rest of the class laughted at me) and how I felt this was at the root of my public speaking anxiety.

 

Then he went through the "count down, relaxing your eyes, neck, shoulders" etc. You're not unaware of what's going on, but just generally very chilled out and close to dozing off. He talked to me about being a strong, independent woman and I can't remember what else. Next time I went into court, although I was nervous it was a normal level of nervousness rather than the phobia I'd felt before.

 

I've got a few hypnotherapy CDs. I don't listen to them very often, but now and again if I'm feeling really stressed I'll listen to my relaxation one..or if I'm feeling a bit unhappy/low on confidence I'll listen to the positive thinking one. I know some people just don't find it effective, but I think a lot of it comes down to

 

a) whether you want it to work and

b) whether you trust the process.

 

When I went to see the hypnotherapist I was very invested in it working and I think that helped a lot. Sometimes people think on one level that they want to make a change in their life, but on another level they're invested in the advice they get (on how to bring about change) not working. Negative thinking wins out, as proving their long standing internal scripts (ie "nothing will ever work for me....I'm an impossible case") correct matters more to them than effecting change for the better does.

 

I've met a couple of people who tried hypnotherapy and told me, with what seemed to be a certain amount of satisfaction, that the process didn't work for them. Thinking of their personalities, it was probably less a case of them not wanting to bring about positive change as being about them seeing hypnotherapy as a dominant/submissive process. They were afraid that they'd be giving up power to the hypnotherapist...but in fact, you could snap yourself out of the state of calm that hypnotherapy induces you into at any point. After hypnotherapy (conducted by a real person, as opposed to a CD which I'll tend to listen to via my ipod shortly before falling asleep) I feel relaxed, happy and alert.

 

Thanks for expanding, interesting. I actually have one hypnotherapy audio thing that I've tried a few times, but I've never been to see a 'real person'.

 

I think the bold is so true. I'm very pragmatic with these things and approach it with an open mind. If it works, great. If it doesn't, try something else but accept it might help others. From a 'patient' point of view, I also don't care that much whether it's 'real' or not. I've been immensely helped by homeopathy on a couple of occasions. It might very well be that it was only a placebo effect, but at the time there was nothing else that could provide me with those results - and from a user perspective, it's secondary to me whether it's placebo as long as it gives me the desired effect.

[Taramere]

Thanks for expanding, interesting. I actually have one hypnotherapy audio thing that I've tried a few times, but I've never been to see a 'real person'.

 

I think the bold is so true. I'm very pragmatic with these things and approach it with an open mind. If it works, great. If it doesn't, try something else but accept it might help others. From a 'patient' point of view, I also don't care that much whether it's 'real' or not. I've been immensely helped by homeopathy on a couple of occasions. It might very well be that it was only a placebo effect, but at the time there was nothing else that could provide me with those results - and from a user perspective, it's secondary to me whether it's placebo as long as it gives me the desired effect.

 

Absolutely. When you consider the very real physical effects that the mind can bring about, it's an incredibly powerful thing. I remember having huge difficulty getting over a bad relationship break-up. Hypnotherapy helped hugely with that too...leaving me thinking "why the hell didn't I try this before?"

 

The reason was that I didn't want to get over it, because a tiny part of me was holding out for us perhaps getting together again. The tricky part is getting to that point where you lose hope that something you wanted to happen will happen...but of course, you have to let go of that hope because it's only then that you're ready for something new.

 

Similarly, fear can be linked to self image....eg being fearful in a feminine "in need of protection" way, which is fine if you're cuddled up with a guy watching a horror movie, but not so fine when it comes to surviving in a sometimes tough and unforgiving world. Or maybe people close to us have encouraged us to be fearful so that they can feel needed (ie in offering care, reassurance and protection). Guilt about those people not feeling needed any more might result in us holding onto certain fears.

[Anela]

Thanks for expanding, interesting. I actually have one hypnotherapy audio thing that I've tried a few times, but I've never been to see a 'real person'.

 

I think the bold is so true. I'm very pragmatic with these things and approach it with an open mind. If it works, great. If it doesn't, try something else but accept it might help others. From a 'patient' point of view, I also don't care that much whether it's 'real' or not. I've been immensely helped by homeopathy on a couple of occasions. It might very well be that it was only a placebo effect, but at the time there was nothing else that could provide me with those results - and from a user perspective, it's secondary to me whether it's placebo as long as it gives me the desired effect.

 

homeopathy has worked for me and my mother - it helped mum with a problem that doctors couldn't cure when she was in the hospital with them.

 

For me, it numbed wisdom tooth pain. I also use flower essences (when I remember them): Flower Essence Society: research, education, networking for mind-body health

[denise_xo]

Absolutely. When you consider the very real physical effects that the mind can bring about, it's an incredibly powerful thing. I remember having huge difficulty getting over a bad relationship break-up. Hypnotherapy helped hugely with that too...leaving me thinking "why the hell didn't I try this before?"

 

The reason was that I didn't want to get over it, because a tiny part of me was holding out for us perhaps getting together again. The tricky part is getting to that point where you lose hope that something you wanted to happen will happen...but of course, you have to let go of that hope because it's only then that you're ready for something new.

 

Similarly, fear can be linked to self image....eg being fearful in a feminine "in need of protection" way, which is fine if you're cuddled up with a guy watching a horror movie, but not so fine when it comes to surviving in a sometimes tough and unforgiving world. Or maybe people close to us have encouraged us to be fearful so that they can feel needed (ie in offering care, reassurance and protection). Guilt about those people not feeling needed any more might result in us holding onto certain fears.

 

To the first bold: totally. I think place effects are completely underrated. I wish I could utilise just half of the potential that our minds offer us. It's an extremely fascinating area.

 

To the second part: very true, and I often wonder about such processes. On the one hand, there's this thing about those processes having to take the time they need. On the other hand, they must take different turns depending on how you address them. It's that sensitivity to being constructive and proactive but not repressing/ underestimating what needs to happen before you're at the turning point, and knowing when you're doing what - which can often be a bit of a :confused: type of experience

 

On the third bold: I did a lot of work on that one with my parents, not so much related to fears perhaps, but just feeling guilty about not being in the relationship of 'need' that they envisaged. It's really liberating when you overcome it. It's still a tendency I have (I used to be a people pleaser and sometimes fall back into that), but I'm trying to keep it more in check now.

 

Good stuff, thanks for posting TM.

[denise_xo]

homeopathy has worked for me and my mother - it helped mum with a problem that doctors couldn't cure when she was in the hospital with them.

 

For me, it numbed wisdom tooth pain. I also use flower essences (when I remember them): Flower Essence Society: research, education, networking for mind-body health

 

Yes, I've found it to be really powerful - certainly not always/ for everything (I've also taken it and thought nothing happened), but enough for me to definitely want to try it again. It's extremely expensive where I live, though. Good to hear about your mother

[denise_xo]

Sorry, that should of course have been 'placebo effects' above and not 'place effects'

[Crusoe]

Share them with me, please

 

I count up to 8 to my natural inner rhythm. Something I developed when playing golf under pressure. 1,2,3,4...5,6,7,8. I walk to it, move to it, swing to it, talk to it. Keeps me calm, maintains an even heart rate, stops any adrenalin kicking in and both empties the mind whilst giving me focus. I found it helps in many situations. If I'm working 100 foot up in a gale, everything I do is to that rhythm. I soon forget how dangerous it is. Or if I have to go to the dentist, I don't go numb so know I will have to wear it. Same thing, I count, almost hypnotise myself. Sometimes the process starts the day before the event.

 

If the fear or nerves are from something instant with no time to think or worry, then that's different. I just let the adrenalin go and steamroller over whatever's in the way.

[denise_xo]

I count up to 8 to my natural inner rhythm. Something I developed when playing golf under pressure. 1,2,3,4...5,6,7,8. I walk to it, move to it, swing to it, talk to it. Keeps me calm, maintains an even heart rate, stops any adrenalin kicking in and both empties the mind whilst giving me focus. I found it helps in many situations. If I'm working 100 foot up in a gale, everything I do is to that rhythm. I soon forget how dangerous it is. Or if I have to go to the dentist, I don't go numb so know I will have to wear it. Same thing, I count, almost hypnotise myself. Sometimes the process starts the day before the event.

 

Fascinating. How do you manage to count and do stuff that requires other cognitive attention at the same time? Is it something you have learned to multi task/ is it intuitive by now?

[Crusoe]

Fascinating. How do you manage to count and do stuff that requires other cognitive attention at the same time? Is it something you have learned to multi task/ is it intuitive by now?

 

I guess it's mostly intuitive nowadays. The actual counting isn't really audible in my head, I just find my natural inner rhythm and everything is done to it. I'm conscious of it but only really aware of I break the rhythm.

 

I'm dancing in my mind and my dance is to 8 steps. If I'm going into a situtation that I am nervy or afeared of, I will concentrate on picking up that rhythm before the situation arises, by the time I have to face the music I'm already dancing. If that makes any sense.

 

For example I might be washing up in the morning. Pick up knife 1, dip in water 2, wipe with cloth 3, put on draining board 4, pick up fork 5, dip in water 6, etc, etc. A few hours later when I have to perform. I'm fully tuned in.

[denise_xo]

I guess it's mostly intuitive nowadays. The actual counting isn't really audible in my head, I just find my natural inner rhythm and everything is done to it. I'm conscious of it but only really aware of I break the rhythm.

 

I'm dancing in my mind and my dance is to 8 steps. If I'm going into a situtation that I am nervy or afeared of, I will concentrate on picking up that rhythm before the situation arises, by the time I have to face the music I'm already dancing. If that makes any sense.

 

For example I might be washing up in the morning. Pick up knife 1, dip in water 2, wipe with cloth 3, put on draining board 4, pick up fork 5, dip in water 6, etc, etc. A few hours later when I have to perform. I'm fully tuned in.

 

Wow. That's so interesting. Is this something you came up with yourself?

[Crusoe]

Wow. That's so interesting. Is this something you came up with yourself?

 

When I was 11 I bust my arm. The next day I had to work. 8 hours of sawing wood for the fire. Obviously it wasn't my sawing arm that was broke but I found if I counted the strokes it took my mind off the pain. After a while it didn't even hurt. Just a trick of the mind that stuck with me.

[Nikki Sahagin]

As someone who suffers with panic attacks and anxiety, fear is a huge part of my life.

 

I try a few things like deep breathing, exercise, meditation. The truth is that nothing gets rid of the fear for very long; it helps for a while and sometimes that's enough, but the fear does tend to fade once you do the thing you're afraid of doing. The hard part is getting past the fear to do the thing in the first place!

 

But fear is a bit like mist. Once you're in it, it fades away. But when you're looking at it, it seems impossible. My problem is I spend too much time looking at it

[denise_xo]

As someone who suffers with panic attacks and anxiety, fear is a huge part of my life.

 

I try a few things like deep breathing, exercise, meditation. The truth is that nothing gets rid of the fear for very long; it helps for a while and sometimes that's enough, but the fear does tend to fade once you do the thing you're afraid of doing. The hard part is getting past the fear to do the thing in the first place!

 

But fear is a bit like mist. Once you're in it, it fades away. But when you're looking at it, it seems impossible. My problem is I spend too much time looking at it

 

I liked the way you phrased that bold bit.

 

Have you tried medication for your panic attacks?

[AlexCross]

March your ass right into the fire.

[2sure]

I also struggle with some anxiety, a couple phobias. When I'm challenged or made nervous about something I need to do but am afraid of...I tell myself:

2sure, look at all the other people that can do this. All kinds of people. If they can do it, I can do it.

 

If that doesn't work I think of a person I can't stand who can do it, and then for sure I'm all in.

 

 

This works.

[SpiralOut]

I have anxiety problems.

 

I find the best thing to do is just do it. Thinking about it makes it worse as I tend to analyze each thing I'll need to do, what if this happens, what if that happens. Whenever I catch myself thinking too much about it I say to myself "that's it, I need to just go do it now before I talk myself out of it" and I'll grab my stuff and get outside.

 

It's still hard to just do something, but I tell myself that it doesn't matter if I make a mistake, if I forget something or if something goes wrong because that's just life. We aren't perfect. It is worse to not do something out of fear, than to do that thing and make a mistake.

[todreaminblue]

my hands tend to want to move when i am nervous.i try and shake out what i am feeling by dancing actually dancing lol......i feel more in tune and inside my own body then......is that weird probably i dont care it helps me relax.....fear with expressing feelings with me depends on the situation and the person if they are aggressive i will be more dominant and forthright.......if i dotn feel anything but am enjoying the conversation i can relax, if i have feelings that i am not in control of.....there i go nikes on....runnin....i do avoid situations and feelings i am not comfortable with...i need to work on this......because i can be extremely confident......its hard because it varies..in work i am confident in love not so...deb