Denisec900 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I met a gentleman on the internet via a dating web site and within a week of meeting, he was sending the most beautiful emails to me I had ever seen. When we met, I was surprised to learn that he was physically attractive and had had the same job for over 10 years. Things quickly escalated and he began pushing marriage within a month. The problem is that the rest of his life is in shambles. He has had the same job for 10 years and yet he lives in an apartment, has a roomate and says that he forgot his wallet on every date and yet its' always his idea to go out and eat. His former girlfriends have nothing good to say about him and all seem to feel that he used them for money. When I confronted him with this, he denied it but I think he is latching onto me for the same thing. The really confusing part is that he is so heartfelt when I listen to him and look into his eyes and he is saying everything that I need to hear to make me comfortable and secure with him. We discussed buying a home together but of course that would mean selling my current home and obtaining the mortgage without him on it as he claims that his credit was ruined by an ex. I am raising 2 children on my own without the assistance of their Father and he gets along so well with my children. I guess that before I commit to marriage, I want to know if I am focusing on the financial aspects of the relationship too much, if I should just be glad that I found him - poor or not or if I should be running for my life. Please give me your thoughts. Denise Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 just my OPINION of course, I know some might defend him "he is saying everything that I need to hear to make me comfortable and secure with him." See, he's saying all the right things to achieve a certain end. Now with me and my best friend who is female....I make her feel comfortable and secure because I want her to feel that way. I have no ulterior motive but to make her feel that way and to just enjoy being around her. I'm not sure how you came upon this information or from how many ex gfs, but: "His former girlfriends have nothing good to say about him and all seem to feel that he used them for money." You could use their words of wisdom, PLUS your own factual experience and accept things...OR not. I would hope not, lol. gl whatever you do, just seems too obvious in my eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Kick his *ss to the curb, girl. Give me a break, pushing marriage in general is a no-no, but after only ONE month??? He's a user and a loser...unacceptable! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Marriage after one month? How disperate must he be? You say he gets on well with your kids. I'm damnsure he is, how many times did he see them, twice? If you're not sure we are making the right suggestions, I say forget your wallet back home for the next month. See how he takes it. From a man who's all for the money, you'd expect to at least be nice and pay untill the wedding. He seems to be so cheap that he won't even court you properly... I wonder how he'll change after the marriage. What can I say, if you're comfortable having a third what-ever-his-age-is old baby to totally provide for, I say continue to date him. But you can do much better. Why don't you date people you've met before? I so don't trust internet dating.... Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I guess that before I commit to marriage, I want to know if I am focusing on the financial aspects of the relationship too much, if I should just be glad that I found him - poor or not or if I should be running for my life. You should be running for your life. You have your instinct I think he is latching onto me for the same thing and a collection of big red flags yelling at you to get away from this man. He's not only mr.Wrong, but also Mr.User and Mr.Leech. Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 he's charming because he has to be. if he were an @ss or even normal you wouldn't even consider putting up with him. but he really is an a$$, he's just hoping that he can distract you from his behavior with his 'charm'. hmm. actions speak louder than words. in a serious relationship, the kind that talks about marriage and commitment, you want your partner to be concerned about you-your feelings and needs and what is in your best interest. he isn't doing that. he's looking out for #1-trying to get all he can out of you. if he legitimately needs you to pay for things, then he isn't being honest with you. he hasn't said that to you. he hasn't asked you to pay for everything, he has forced you to, conveniently 'forgetting' his wallet. if you're going to make any relationship work, then good communication and honesty are important as well as having some sort of financial plan. he has one of those-let you take care of things while he sits on his ass (what is this job that he has had for 10 years) or blows his paychecks on toys and nights out with buddies. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest74 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Oooh, big red flags popped up in mind after reading this. Pushing for marriage so soon, exes have nothing good to say about him, always conveniently losing his wallet? COME ON. This guy is a loose cannon at best. Besides, the stuff about having your credit ruined is crap. My credit used to be horrible, but I don't blame anyone else fo rit, and instead took steps to make it better, which it is now. Don't let your life and the lives of your kids be ruined by this leech. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 This guy is BAD BAD BAD news. Ah, yes, he is a sweet talker isn't he. I know how it is, he says the nicest things that make your heart just melt with wonderful feelings for him. I say, do not listen to one more word this man says. He is playing you big time! big time! Look at his actions and think about whether you want to live with this for the rest of your life. He is red flag central and if you continue to date him, you will regret it. You'll be better off alone than with a third child. Two most important points. 1.) Don't lend this man ANY money, ever ever ever. It's rude of him to expect this or ask this. 2.) Don't let him hang out with your kids anymore. It's not healthy for children to get to know a new "daddy" everytime you get in a relationship. Then their new father figure gets torn away from them and they are so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetadeline Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 To add to what others have already said: One way you could test your instincts about this guy (though I think they are already telling you what to do) is to think about whether he takes responsibility for any of the bad things in his life. That is, does he admit to any mistakes in his past relationships, in the problems with his credit, etc? If not, that is another huge red flag, and you should run, not walk, away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
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