simplybrill Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I dated this guy Adam for a short while when I was in highschool, and I had an extremely strong connection with him, heck we were in a car accident together, and then 2 days before my birthday when I was 17, he broke it off cold. In an email. So I hated him for a good year, and then the summer of my first year in college I called him up and talked to him about it all, and definitely called him on his immature email and he apologized. And I fell for it. And he went on to say that he was now dating a girl for about 7 months...it was 7 months exactly to the date that he broke up with me. So I flat out asked him if he broke up with me, just to get with her- and he said no, that it was just a timing thing, she came along right after we broke up. And I fell for that too. So we kept in touch, talking on the phone and he starts telling me about all these problems he's having with this girl, how psycho she is, how overly emotional and paranoid she is, how she's clingy and its not like he wants to get married to the girl. At first, I was like listen, you need to work things out with her, and work on your problems with her. But these problems persisted, and I could see it was causing him mass amounts of stress so I was like: listen dude, why dont you just break up with her. To make things even wierder, she was starting to have a problem with us talking to one another accusing him of all sorts of things, and she even started dropping by my apartment with her friends, "just to visit" She even convinced the dude to bring her by my apartment, to "meet me" like im some homewrecker or something, and she needs to "see this woman that's tearing her life apart" One time she tried leaving me a note (which I found out her friend wrote for her) saying that she wanted us to be friends and that she was afraid that I was going to steal her boyfriend. He ended up breaking up with her, for her paranoia, and her drama, and her clingy-ness. Here comes the stupid part: I dated him, for 2 weeks after they broke up. YES I was an idiot for doing this. Im older, and I see this now. We ended up breaking up, and he got back with her anyways. So months later, im in one of my classes and just my luck, who's in there but this girl, and a few of her friends. From day ONE, I see her turn around, look at me, and whispering about me to her friends, like "thats the girl that tried to break up my relationship!!" I thought we were two consenting adults who dated for two weeks and that was it!!! Needless to say, I didnt know what to do about it, so rather than get in a catfight with this girl, I actually became friends with her and her friends to smooth things over, because its never nice having people talk about you like you're some homewrecker. So I tried my hardest to be friends with this girl, and she was convinced that I was just there to ruin her life and steal her friends. And the whole time I was like oh lordy girl, would you just chill out! Being in that friend group proved to only be very wierd, because they ended up hanging out with me a lot, I guess because I was the 'new person' and she felt left out a lot, and they would talk to me about the problems they had with her, and how her boyfriend was causing problems among all of them, and they didnt understand why she was with him if he was giving her this much grief. Which I agreed with. Adam would trash her friends, and basically had her wrapped around his finger, when at the same time she was terribly dependent on him for her happiness, and tried committing suicide whenever they broke up. So it makes sense that they would want her to break it off with him, to have a better life and be happy with someone who didnt make her cry and feel like she was nothing without him. But coming from me, the "homewrecker" it would only sound like I was trying to break up her and her boyfriend yet again, ugh. Her friends tried talking sense into her, but she wouldnt listen. After a while, it started to feel like the only purpose I served for them, was so they would have someone to gossip to, about her. So one day I was like "OK can we all stop talking about her, its getting a little old." And from that day on, I BECAME the one they would all rally against, and talk about and I felt what it was like to be her. They would treat me, so oddly,,,they would ask me wierd things like "hey u know who _______ is dont you?" and I had met this person more than once, acting like I was some kind of stranger they just met, who didnt know anyone! It was wierd, they would talk to me about people in their friend group they didnt like, and then they would stick by them like glue the next second. Im sorry, but if you're griping to me about someone's stupid actions, and im there to witness it, Im not going to sit there and act like I didnt see it too, and defend their honor, im gonna be like 'yea, she's an idiot, I cant believe she did that.' But it was like a day later, they would totally forget what they said, and only remember the negative that I said, and make me out to be that bad guy in their minds. Twisted? Yes. I started to get the cold shoulder from the one girl in particular that I was closest with, and I knew things were going sour. So I cut off all contact, I stopped calling, I changed my cell number, and I didnt answer emails. A whole year goes by... TODAY: I love Best Buy, the thing is, I keep running into the JERK Adam, whenever I go there - and the person I usually get a ride with likes to go to that particular one. He works there. So instead of avoiding him, I said hi- hello, how are you, blah blah. A few weeks later, I run into him again, said hi, asked him to find a cd for me, and he asks me....hey have you spoken to ________ and any of the girls recently? And I said no, that I had to stop talking to them because things got pretty toxic. He said he still keeps in touch with the main girl I talked to, (by the way, they hated each other when him and the psycho girl were dating) And he was like ok, and walked off I guess because he was working and one of his co-workers called him over. Which left me feeling really really wierd. What do you guys think of whats happened. He kind of made me feel guilty for not keeping in touch with the girls, and at the same time its like...should I feel guilty for not talking to them? I thought I was doing the right thing by cutting them off, and getting myself out of the sick gossip cycle, and not breaking the friend group up! Ive made a lot of mistakes and Ive finally learned from them, and I just need to know so I can finally let alllll of this go, and make peace with it... Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Wow tha was really long. I think you did the right hting by separating yourself from those girls. Seems to me none of them were your real friends anyways and if they were when you stopped all contact a real firnd would still find you no matter what and not let you disappear on them. Those girls were exactly what you said "toxic"! They lived their life revolved around drama like an episode of 90210. BTW though w/e happened between you and Adam and Adam and his phycho girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 He kind of made me feel guilty for not keeping in touch with the girls, and at the same time its like...should I feel guilty for not talking to them? Hell, no! Why feel guilty? They treated you like crap!!! All of them ! But then, they treat eachother like crap! I thought I was doing the right thing by cutting them off, and getting myself out of the sick gossip cycle, and not breaking the friend group up! You sure did! they are friends to no one, not even to themselves! Ive made a lot of mistakes and Ive finally learned from them, and I just need to know so I can finally let alllll of this go, and make peace with it... First: you should have never befriended with this girl. Second: you know how she was, what did you think her friends were? Third: you met Adam. Hey,wasn't he the one you called "jerk"Adam? Why chat with him? why does he make you wonder and has the ability to make you wonder? I say forget about them all. It's hard to have real friends and a wide social cercle -e.g. a rich social life. But sometimes no company is much better than bad company. You always seem to give in and accept all sort of people near you. You started with Adam and did the same thing with his gf! Stand on your ground and live according to your own principles and values! You'll get hurt and terribly disapointe, should you do otherwise. Think about this, a friend of everybody is a friend of nobody. You already are alone, see that you do not repeat this mistake. Take it from someone who knows about the subject . Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplybrill Posted July 21, 2004 Author Share Posted July 21, 2004 Im sorry, I know it was a long post- I had to tell the entire story though - for you to get the whole picture. What do you mean, whatever happened between me and Adam? Nothings going on between me and him whatsoever right now. Im not planning on getting involved with that train wreck again. Adam and that girl have broken up. He said that he hadnt' talked to her in a long time, and I said "what, did you split up or something?" and he said yea, and I said "thats good." and thats when he walked off that day in the store. Was it something I said? Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplybrill Posted July 21, 2004 Author Share Posted July 21, 2004 Originally posted by CurlyIam First: you should have never befriended with this girl. Second: you know how she was, what did you think her friends were? Third: you met Adam. Hey,wasn't he the one you called "jerk"Adam? Why chat with him? why does he make you wonder and has the ability to make you wonder? ok...I know Ive made these mistakes, I dont need you pointing them out to me all over again. First of all, Im not wondering anything about HIM, I was just wondering in the back of my mind if I did the write thing by cutting off the gossipy girls. Second: I didnt give any power to him, because I was wondering this before I talked to him. And its not like I went out of my way to meet Adam, it happened because I was stuck in the store he works at! Link to post Share on other sites
cinnamonstix49 Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 You did do the right thing by "cutting them off" you have done nothing wrong. This guy seems a little wierd to me in the first place. I think you should let this guy go, even if it means letting Best Buy go too for a while, it would most likely be worth it in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
tigeress Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 O.K. I'm going to play the old foggie here! Yes you did the right thing. You say you are an adult. Then you need to form relationships with people who can behave as adults. All this crap that was going on sounds like high school behavior. Move on. You are better than this. They were only holding you back. Link to post Share on other sites
veronica12345 Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 I really think you did the right thing and i dont believe you should worry about at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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