Back again! It gets weirder still... this time I must get out!

[Adamgem]

Many of you already know my story.... I can't believe I am still in it. Anyway the latest....

 

He would like us all to be friends. All three of us! He wants us all to work together. He wants her to work for him and look after the kids - to keep his businesses and properties with her...

 

... and spend time with me. Live and work with me but stay friends with her. He is now spending time with the 'kids'.... in their house.

 

He can not see anything wrong with this..... when I mentioned having a child - he suggested to her that maybe she would look after it?!! She did not like this idea. He sees nothing wrong with it.

 

I told him I would like to continue working but our 'relationship' is over. He said he will never let me go.... I am really finding it difficult to believe he is not a psychopath. What a mess...

 

I am afraid of being lonely and empty but I know it is better in the long run to get out now.... it is so confusing.

[veryhappy]

I don't know your story, but if it weren't your life, it would make a good movie.

 

What he wants sounds like a poligamy fairytale. Why couldn't he have both lives, and she'd be raising your child. Amazing if you're into the lifestyle.

 

Yes, you must get out. He's not anywhere near of wanting to be just with you.

[Adamgem]

Thank you all for your replies. After 15 months tonight is the first time he had told me he would call me later and instead is out with his entire family. No call. I know his ex? is there...

 

Last week I went to a party in another country. I didn't answer my phone... he got on a plane and picked me up! He said he couldn't stand the though of me being with someone else....

 

How can he expect me to be alone whilst he is with his family.... and still go insane at the though of me with someone else.

 

I will have to stop working for him but if I stop suddenly he will do something very bad to me. I am sure about this.

 

When I tell him I want out - he protests. He will alternate between nice and then angry. He tells me he has never treated any woman so well - he has also never been dumped. (I have heard this too from his ex wife etc).

 

When I see how he treats his ex(?) I know that it is only a matter of time before I am treated in the same way. I am certain I do not want her life.

 

He seems to sincere. His long term friends and family all tell me they have never seen him as happy as the last year.... I really do not know what to believe.

 

All my friends believe he is good for me since I too have been much happier in the last year.... not tonight.

[Adamgem]

Yeah of course he seems happy. Limerance. Won't last. And try show. WTO character egging him on like that. I am cutting my in laws off for that.[/QUOTE]

 

I do not understand this sentence. What are you trying to say?

[Adamgem]

I didn't think they were egging him on - only commented to me how happy he was.

 

I spoke to her for a long time on the phone. She said she wanted a chance. I told him to do it - give her a chance. He said he didn't want to but now he is there with her and the children.... and still wants me to stick around.

 

HE is the one that told me their relationship was over. HE is the one that will not let me go. HE is the one being dishonest....

 

I know where the blame lies in this story. She may be willing to put up with his behavior but I am not.

[Summer Breeze]

Thank you all for your replies. After 15 months tonight is the first time he had told me he would call me later and instead is out with his entire family. No call. I know his ex? is there...

 

Last week I went to a party in another country. I didn't answer my phone... he got on a plane and picked me up! He said he couldn't stand the though of me being with someone else....

 

How can he expect me to be alone whilst he is with his family.... and still go insane at the though of me with someone else.

 

I will have to stop working for him but if I stop suddenly he will do something very bad to me. I am sure about this.

 

When I tell him I want out - he protests. He will alternate between nice and then angry. He tells me he has never treated any woman so well - he has also never been dumped. (I have heard this too from his ex wife etc).

 

When I see how he treats his ex(?) I know that it is only a matter of time before I am treated in the same way. I am certain I do not want her life.

 

He seems to sincere. His long term friends and family all tell me they have never seen him as happy as the last year.... I really do not know what to believe.

 

All my friends believe he is good for me since I too have been much happier in the last year.... not tonight.

 

You need to start making the decisions that make you happy more than you're not happy. You need your boundaries in place and you need to stand up for yourself. You've shown him you'll compromise but now you're right that you'll end up living the life he subjected his x to.

 

I'm sure you are aware people can put on a happy face. What lies behind it? Are you happy?

[Summer Breeze]

I didn't think they were egging him on - only commented to me how happy he was.

 

I spoke to her for a long time on the phone. She said she wanted a chance. I told him to do it - give her a chance. He said he didn't want to but now he is there with her and the children.... and still wants me to stick around.

 

HE is the one that told me their relationship was over. HE is the one that will not let me go. HE is the one being dishonest....

 

I know where the blame lies in this story. She may be willing to put up with his behavior but I am not.

 

Now figure out whatever is best for you and do it.

[Adamgem]

You need to start making the decisions that make you happy more than you're not happy. You need your boundaries in place and you need to stand up for yourself. You've shown him you'll compromise but now you're right that you'll end up living the life he subjected his x to.

 

I'm sure you are aware people can put on a happy face. What lies behind it? Are you happy?

 

I had a wonderful year and hadn't felt so happy for a long time but deep down I knew it woudn't last.... now the bubble has burst and I must deal with itl

 

I find it so hard that he was 'so in love'.... couldn't be away for a minute for the past 15 months and now he wants to have her in his life all of a sudden.... not for sex but as a friend. He does not want a complete split from her - because she does not want this.....

 

I am so angry with myself for allowing things to go this far....

[Adamgem]

If you read my story you would know she told me that yes their relationship was over but she changed her mind and wanted him back....

 

So what are you talking about?

[Adamgem]

If he tells me the relationship is over - that is one thing but when she tells me the same what am I suppose to think? Now they want to get back together.

 

I have done nothing wrong. She is the one that has decided she wants him back and HE is the one accepting that. I have no say in that matter.

 

When I see how he treats her - I do not want a man like that. I am happy that I can escape - although he will not let go easily - he is making veiled threats.... I would not like to be that woman.

 

I can understand you are not in a nice situation but your comments towards me are inappropriate.

[Adamgem]

I am so confused. He tells me every day how much he loves me and he treats me well... His ex tells me she believes he loves me very much.....

 

His family and friends tell me they have never seen him so happy........ yet he does this - I told him I find it painful.

 

He can not understand why I can not be a little flexible. He blames me for the end of the relationship and he keeps saying 'well... just remember it is you ending this and not me'......

 

Why does he do that? It is usually when he is angry..... in a kind of'....We will see... voice...

Edited September 8, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Summer Breeze]

I am so confused. He tells me every day how much he loves me and he treats me well... His ex tells me she believes he loves me very much.....

 

His family and friends tell me they have never seen him so happy........ yet he does this - I told him I find it painful.

 

He can not understand why I can not be a little flexible. He blames me for the end of the relationship and he keeps saying 'well... just remember it is you ending this and not me'......

 

Why does he do that? It is usually when he is angry..... in a kind of'....We will see... voice...

 

Because he knows you don't want to be the one to let go. If he makes it your fault he knows you'll really think about it and probably won't do it. You don't want to give up on something that you feel has great potential and he knows it. He seems like a bit of a manipulative emotional bully to be honest. You've told him it hurts and he still isn't compromising. If your gut is saying it's not right between them then that's what you believe. He needs to find a way to make you feel better and make you stay.

 

I know it's easy to write the words and it's so much more difficult to actually take the action but at some point you have the choice. You either stand your ground and get what you deserve or you find yourself her in your own R with him.

Edited September 8, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Adamgem]

I think it is confusing because I feel hurt but at the same time I do not want him.

 

It is like I have two people in my brain..... One with logic telling me to run for my life as far and fast as possible away from him...

 

The other (emotional) part is craving for him and hurt and upset.....

 

Your comments are very interesting for me.... I hadn't thought about it like that. I have the feeling that I would be better off if HE were the one to end it...... I am considering making myself less attractive and more dull to be around until he gets bored and moves on?

[Summer Breeze]

I think it is confusing because I feel hurt but at the same time I do not want him.

 

It is like I have two people in my brain..... One with logic telling me to run for my life as far and fast as possible away from him...

 

The other (emotional) part is craving for him and hurt and upset.....

 

Your comments are very interesting for me.... I hadn't thought about it like that. I have the feeling that I would be better off if HE were the one to end it...... I am considering making myself less attractive and more dull to be around until he gets bored and moves on?

 

No my whole thought process is this needs to be your decision, not his. If you start doing things to manipulate him into ending it how exactly are you any different to him? Why on earth do you want to play games anyway. Make your decision and do it. Stay. Go. Don't give him the power, take it yourself. That's what I've been saying.

[Adamgem]

No my whole thought process is this needs to be your decision, not his. If you start doing things to manipulate him into ending it how exactly are you any different to him? Why on earth do you want to play games anyway. Make your decision and do it. Stay. Go. Don't give him the power, take it yourself. That's what I've been saying.

 

Yes, that is normally what I would do for my self esteem and so on. Normally I would be NO, this is not for me - I am out. Well that is exactly what I said....

 

Not a good idea. He got angry and I do not want him to direct his anger towards me the way I have seen him direct it at others.

 

His ex told me she was so frightened that he was going to kill her during a physical fight that went on for an entire day... She also told me that she did not want to leave the relationship because she had invested too much.... I joked she had stockholm syndrome and she laughed (knowingly).....

 

When I talk about leaving he gets angry and starts going on about how much he did for me.... he did nothing more that what I have done for him.

 

He gets angry and says things like he gave me all HIS TIME.... like I didn't give mine....

 

He told me his ex is the most intelligent woman he ever met.... this was a few minutes after he told me she has the right to be angry with him because he 'played' her for years..... When I mentioned that she didn't sound too intelligent if he could do that.... he responded that 'no woman is a match for him'..... intellectually!

 

Just to give you an idea what I am dealing with....

[Adamgem]

No my whole thought process is this needs to be your decision, not his. If you start doing things to manipulate him into ending it how exactly are you any different to him? Why on earth do you want to play games anyway. Make your decision and do it. Stay. Go. Don't give him the power, take it yourself. That's what I've been saying.

 

 

What I am trying to say is - it is my decision but he must believe it is his..... maybe it makes more sense like that?

[Summer Breeze]

Yes, that is normally what I would do for my self esteem and so on. Normally I would be NO, this is not for me - I am out. Well that is exactly what I said....

 

Not a good idea. He got angry and I do not want him to direct his anger towards me the way I have seen him direct it at others.

 

His ex told me she was so frightened that he was going to kill her during a physical fight that went on for an entire day... She also told me that she did not want to leave the relationship because she had invested too much.... I joked she had stockholm syndrome and she laughed (knowingly).....

 

When I talk about leaving he gets angry and starts going on about how much he did for me.... he did nothing more that what I have done for him.

 

He gets angry and says things like he gave me all HIS TIME.... like I didn't give mine....

 

He told me his ex is the most intelligent woman he ever met.... this was a few minutes after he told me she has the right to be angry with him because he 'played' her for years..... When I mentioned that she didn't sound too intelligent if he could do that.... he responded that 'no woman is a match for him'..... intellectually!

 

Just to give you an idea what I am dealing with....

 

I don't envy you this at all. I obviously didn't realize quite the whole situation so sorry about that.

 

I still say you need to figure out what you want to do. He won't change and you need to figure out if it's better to get some help and get out now or wait till you're into a few more years. What kind of psychological warfare is he going to pull if you start being dull and make changes. He'll jump on that and rub your face in it. He probably still won't let you go but maybe find someone else and let you know you deserve it. I don't know. It sounds like a really tough place to be and I don't envy you. I just think I'd be true to myself and find a way out of it on my own terms. I wouldn't let him make all the decisions about my life.

[Summer Breeze]

What I am trying to say is - it is my decision but he must believe it is his..... maybe it makes more sense like that?

 

I do but he seems to be a master manipulator. Just be careful what he does to you in playing games. I think he'll expect it because that's how he is.

[Adamgem]

Yes. I am thinking a few months. I want to make the break and do it on my own terms but I have a very strong gut feeling that that would be very bad for me.

 

I want to slowly become less attractive for him and hopefully I will get rid of him like that.

 

Working with him is also making this whole mess more complicated too....

 

Thank you for all your comments. I really appreciate that.

[Summer Breeze]

Yes. I am thinking a few months. I want to make the break and do it on my own terms but I have a very strong gut feeling that that would be very bad for me.

 

I want to slowly become less attractive for him and hopefully I will get rid of him like that.

 

Working with him is also making this whole mess more complicated too....

 

Thank you for all your comments. I really appreciate that.

 

Just make sure you're safe and you don't lose sight of what you're looking for - the end. Good luck to you and keep checking back in.

[AnotherRound]

You know what he wants... so, be exactly what he doesn't want. If that truly is the only way to get out. I don't know what kind of power he has, but according to you, it's scary power. If I was you, I would be careful, but I wouldn't allow him to move my boundaries around AT ALL. Just bc everyone has always done this for him, does not mean that you are obligated to also.

 

If you are in danger, then you need to get some support. I'm not sure what the danger is, but I would have all things in order, and then, have a plan to get out. Whether it be by letting it be his decision (seriously? He is a grown man, not a tantrum toddler, right????), or I would have safety plans and leave.

 

I'm sorry you're in this position. It's hard enough a situation let alone without the added complication of him being possibly a threat to you physically or mortally????

[Adamgem]

Thank you for your reply. I have been thinking about everything for a while now. I will try to focus on my goals as much as possible and not get caught up in all his drama...

 

I will slowly remove myself from the situation. Sometimes I doubt myself and think I am just being paranoid.... but then something comes into my mind and I think I must get out of this....

 

His former partners (long ones) both told me he is a good man.... I hope they know better than I do. I just see someone that doesn't really care about much, lacks fear, is very charming.... and so on.

 

He has every single symptom of a psychopath... not just one or two. It is so strange - he seems so sweet even after all this time.

[Adamgem]

That is funny.... it is not quite so extreme. He does spend time with his children and even the grown up ones get plenty of attention.

 

He met his first wife when he was 14 and they stayed together for about 20 years... then he met his recent ex.... they stayed together for 17 years.

 

He is still friends with the first wife and I have become quite good friends with her. She told me many things good and bad but, in the end, she described him as a good man.

[phillyfan]

Dude he sounds crazy, u gota get away from this guy. Hes scarin u, he aint stable, hes got anotha girl, hes scarin u, yet u wanna b wit him...hes a psycho n he is manipulatin u, ur mind aint in a good place. Take it from a dude he aint rite in the head.

 

Girl u know, next time, think about the nite in shinin armor who is gona treat u rite, who is a good guy n dont stop til u end up wit him. Those guys r out there, i am a dude i know.

[DBella]

Many of you already know my story.... I can't believe I am still in it. Anyway the latest....

 

He would like us all to be friends. All three of us! He wants us all to work together. He wants her to work for him and look after the kids - to keep his businesses and properties with her...

 

... and spend time with me. Live and work with me but stay friends with her. He is now spending time with the 'kids'.... in their house.

 

He can not see anything wrong with this..... when I mentioned having a child - he suggested to her that maybe she would look after it?!! She did not like this idea. He sees nothing wrong with it.

 

I told him I would like to continue working but our 'relationship' is over. He said he will never let me go.... I am really finding it difficult to believe he is not a psychopath. What a mess...

 

I am afraid of being lonely and empty but I know it is better in the long run to get out now.... it is so confusing.

 

How ambitious of him to want the 2 next to him and be happy with it

 

Keep your guard on, especially because he said that he will never let you go. Sounds like stuff this creepy guy I dated years ago would say. He stalked me for the longest, I even had to move to another state so he would live me the hell alone.

 

Last but not least, do not be afraid of being by yourself for a while. I can tell you from personal experience that it is not as bad as everybody thinks. Actually, it is a perfect time to start doing things you wanted to do and didn't have time to get done, it is a great time to better yourself, analyze yourself, to think about things you want in life.