Purcar13 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Hi I just need to vent and also maybe get some input. I have been with my husband for 5 years; married 1 year August 2004. During our relationship alot of ups and downs. Physical and emotional abuse, drug use, been told of infedility by his family. He has 3 children from a previous relationship and we have 2 kids together and 1 on the way. I am 6 months pregnant. All the children live with us. I have been trying to get my husband to work on our relationship for a long time now. For the last 3-4 months we werent even sharing a bed. That was my choice. I felt yucky being pregnant and I also didnt feel good about how I was being treated. I talked to him about myself and my 2 boys finding our own place. Well about 1-2 months ago he started acting strange. Myself and others suspected he was using drugs again. Everytime I asked him he would deny it. Well about 2 weeks ago he said him and his 3 older kids were getting their own place. I said whats up he said its just not going to work. I asked again about drugs because he was being talked about by people that he was seen with drug dealers. He said fine if you want to know Ive been seing someone for the last 1-1 1/2 months. But he wasnt cheating because they havent had sex yet and we werent really married. Its just a signed piece of paper. Doesnt mean much. Well I told him he needed to get out so I could get some assistance for my boys since I cant work right now. As of now Im watching his older 3 kids until he can make other arrangements. I dont have a problem with that. But he feels he should do his laundry here, sleep here when hes low on money and eat here. 3 days ago he couldnt take his son too his first youth group activity because he had a date with this girl. Who he works with by the way. I told him that was crazy his kids are important. Well in the conversation it came up that he had sex with her that night for the first time. This broke my heart. I pretty much still had my hopes up that we could work this out. He says "it served my needs at the time" Monday he went with me to my ultrasound. We did alot of talking. He came back to my house and we did even more talking. He told me she gives him what he needs companionship, talks to him alot, good listener, makes him feel good. He said he has alot of anger towards me. I told him we need to talk about and work through it. He says hes leaning towards comeing back to me 85% and 15% towards her but doesnt know when he can make a decision. I asked him tell her that also so he can think and not be with either of us for now. I also told him its not fair to me if hes telling me hes thinking but still dating her and haveing sex with her. So he agreed to talk to her. Well yesterday he told me he hasnt talked to her yet and he'll give me money for the kids and the house and I need to do what I need to do cause he doesnt know when he'll decide. I said well Im not waiting forever. I said you need to decide without stringing either of us along. He said well I cant go to her house right now until her parents go out of town again. I said yes but you can still see her. He says I wont. Well except at work. So now yesterday all of a sudden he had to work late. Yes she was working. Im sorry this is so long. But do I give up and move on or what. Any opinions would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Why do you stay? I'm missing the good points as to why he's worth keeping. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 My opinion is that you where there during his drug use, right? You've seen him at his lowest and now he feels that you no longer have respect for him and that he'll never be able to gain it back. Also, since you're pregnant and you feel so unattractive, he probably does too. Now I don't mean to sound so cruel and blunt, but you inner feelings reflect your outside appearance as well. It's true that you haven't told us what his good points are, but from what I gathered, ( The fact that he crashes there when he's low on cash, asks you to watch his kids.....etc. etc. ), that he needs to get his act together. If this is truly going to work out for the two of you, he needs to get his priorities straight. Another cruel and blunt point is, I think you're being used. The time you found out he had sex with another woman, married to you or not, that should of been the end of it in my book. At least the end of him using you for a babysitter and hotel. I've said it before and I'll say it again: A working relationship isn't 50% me and 50% you, it's 100% and 100%. He's not putting in his 100%. That's my opinion I wish you luck though. Moose Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 Hi, I agree with Moose (Moose has good advice anyway). You need to stop allowing yourself to be used. Thats what he is doing. He is having his cake and eating it too. You don't need all this added stress while you're pregnant either. I'm sorry you're going through this. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Purcar13 Posted July 25, 2004 Author Share Posted July 25, 2004 Well heres an update on my story Wednesday 21st he was going to come home to stay on Monday 26th. I said why not now he said well Ive already made plans. I said one last fling? he said maybe. But he was only coming back in body for his kids. Not emotionally at all. He would only speak to me if it involved the children. And the other woman would still be a friend "just a friend" I said where will you be emotionally. He said always dreaming of greener pastures. I said I need 100% or none he said you will never get that. On Thursday night 22nd he came over and send we need to talk. Im going to let my 3 older kids meet OW(Maria). I said not a good idea. His 2 older children have alot of emotional problems because of their mom not being around and now me going to be leaving them. I said I thought you made a decision. He said I did Im staying with her. She has my heart you have nothing but my kids. I told him he needs to stay away. I told him call before visiting his kids or picking up his stuff. Im having a few problems with this pregnancy. I have to go to doctor Tues 27th. I thought he was going but now he said hes picking up his stuff during that time. At this moment all he cares about is OW not his kids or ours. Asked him to visit our 2 boys (4yrs and 22months) said dont want to I have plans. My 4 yr old is having a really hard time. Now hes talking about getting a restraining order on me because I call him. The only time I call is if his children need something. My choice I wouldnt look at him let alone talk to him. Then yesterday I found some drug paraphanalia in our bedroom when he is supposedly clean. He said Oh someone must be planting that to frame me. Yeah right. I dont get any assistance until August so I asked him for some money. He said no. Hes always kept me in a crappy vehicle. Hes been telling me he will fix it so I can go see my elderly mother.(Shes having 80th Bday party on July 31). Today I asked about it he said figure it out yourself. And the bills he was going to pay so I can stay for a month until I find a place now he doesnt think he can pay them cause hes pretty much broke. Oh and by the way me and OW are getting a place together; if you find a place her and I can stay in the trailer(thats where I am now). Pretty crappy huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 Well I guess you have your answer to your first question. It's time you stop allowing him to treat you this way. Link to post Share on other sites
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