Sian_Roe Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 My brother just called me today to tell me that he is getting engaged to a woman he's been dating for about 2 years. She is really nice, very upbeat and I probably should be happy about this. Thing is, he told me last year that he was screwing around on her while he was on business trips! When I told him that 'if you're in love with your girlfriend, you wouldn't be doing this", he replied, "I guess I'm just a dog." He knows how upset I am about this, and he hasn't discussed this with me since. In other words, I don't know if he is still screwing around on her, but my guess is yes. Here's the problem. My other sister is just thrilled over the moon about this engagement, and will no doubt ask me why I am not equally thrilled about this. I cannot trust my sister as far as I can throw her. She will spread information faster than Purolator Courier and would take his word over me. In other words, I'd be the bad one here. What do I do? Approach my brother again about this and ask if he has stopped his wandering ways and risk him not speaking to me again or put up with this? I hate acting to be happy when I'm concerned. However, speaking about it to him will make things worse. Any sage advice to help me see this in a sane way? Sian Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 What I've learned in life is that when it comes to matters like this, you just have to step back and let it take it's natural course. A lot of people will do things that we don't like but we really don't have any control over that. You getting involved would definitely be risky and could damage your relationship with your brother forever. It really is only his business and while you don't agree with it, I would say that it's best you left it alone. This won't be the only time someone you love is going to do something you don't like. Better to learn to bite your lip and step back. It's hard but better in the long run. In the end, everyone gets what they deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
TommyGirl Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Well Sian_Rose, just ask him if he really feels that he is ready to get engaged, maybe mention something about marriage is a serious commitment and should be kept monogamous, absolutely no cheating. See how he reacts to that. It was very bad that he cheated on his fiancee previous in their relationship, but obviously those girls didn't compare to what his fiancee had to offer. He should have broken up with her, but I guess he was scared of losing her in the process of him experimenting or what not. You have every right to be concerned because I would be too. Just be his brother and be there to support him whenever he needs you. It is their engagement and they have to solve and work on their own problems. If she is any type of woman, she probably had a feeling he was cheating or doing something in the past, but probably overlooked it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sian_Roe Posted July 21, 2004 Author Share Posted July 21, 2004 Thanks. I think I like both approaches. I do realize that I am in a no-win situation here and I really do have to bite my lip, which I will do. However, I will probably have the conversation again about marriage being a serious commitment and that monogamy is a major part of that commitment. I've done it once already, but it will probably happen again. Thanks to you both for your comments. Link to post Share on other sites
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