I'm 22, in a band, want to leave for a new band; Might offend some. Advice?

[peppersalt]

Hello,

 

I'm a drummer. I'm 25. Played 14 years. I joined a rock band in January and i really liked the music. Cd is out in stores etc.

The guys are cool, different personalities than i, not full on friends, but i get along with them pretty well.

the music is good, i like it, but still i'm not fully in love with the band as a whole. They don't quite manage things the way I would

and there are some aspects of the band's ethos/beliefs that i don't particularly care for, but i

am new and don't want to rock the boat much.

 

They own their own management company and have another band they court that is totally awesome. In fact,

I almost like them a lot better than the band I'm in now. The guys in that band are super cool, similar humour/

personality as me, more interesting music. They have seen me play and wish they had someone like me as a drummer,

because they are in need of one. They praise me alot and tell me i'm really good and wish they could find someone

like me. I thank them for the comments always, but play it off, since I'm already in a band.

 

Here's my problem: I wish I could join the other band, but have NOOOO idea how I could do that without offending

the band i'm currently in. I mean, i like my band, but the other band seems more comfortable, cooler guys and cooler

music, something I would enjoy a lot more. The guys in the other band are around my age, whereas, the guys in my current

band are in in their mid 30's, are in it for the debauchery of rock n roll, and i'm in it for music.

 

still it would be weird to quit, since the guys in my current band are affiliated with the band I want to be in.

 

any ideas, thoughts, advice?

[peppersalt]

oops hit the wrong key, typing too fast. I'm 25.

 

 

thanks

[Girlie]

You're right...It would be awkward and there's really no way around that or potentially offending them.

On the other hand, this is your life and your dreams.

I wish I had a clearcut answer for you, but all I can really tell you is that it sounds like it's time to really wiegh the options here. Is joining this other band truly an option, esp. with the affiliation with your present band? Would they be willing to risk their affiliation with your band to have you join, because that is a possibility? Regardless of whether this other band is an option, if you're not happy with the direction your band is going in or the way they handle themselves, perhaps it is time to start looking around. If you leave, you're likely going to offend them. It's not unlike leaving any job to go to a potential competitor. But you're not tied to this band, and if you're unhappy, I think you have every right to leave. Music is art, I realize that. But for you, it is also a job, just like any other job. And you have the right to "quit" if you find something better, just like I would if I didn't like working for a particular law office.

Again, take some time and think about it and take a good look at your options. This is your life. You don't want to make a rash decision, but better make sure you're doing what's right for you.

[Nubemeister]

I agree with Girlie...

If you don't make decisions for you to go where you want to go you might be missing out....

Good Luck and take care

[reasontosigh]

Is it possible for you to juggle duties between both bands while the first one looks for someone else? (I do know someone in that situation right now - the two bands involved are friends so they don't book dates that conflict with each other.)

 

Another idea would be if you know of someone who might be a better fit, bring them along to a rehearsal and see if they all get along.

[morrigan]

You shouldn't stay in the band if you don't feel you are compatible with them either creatively or in professional outlook. Be honest with the band members in that you prefer another style of music and hope to do more work with a band that plays that music. Even if you are as amicable as you can be, you can't prevent someone from feeling offended, especially if you do decide later on to join this other band. Just try to be a professional about it, be friendly when you see them, avoid arguments. You can't please everyone 100% all of the time.

 

Take your time and weigh in on this other band before you join them, make sure that they are truly serious about their work and not just playing for 'beer and broads'. Do band members change a lot? Does the band try to make decisions democratically, or do only certain members have input? Do they regularly miss shows, or go on hiatus for long periods of time? Any drug/alchohol problems in the band? Being a serious musician means a lot of work, a lot of travel for lousy pay, a lot of persistence and contact with record companies and venues who'll try to give you the bad end of the any deal. Sometimes you get a lucky break, many times you don't. I wish you good luck!

[peppersalt]

Thank you for the Advice, You seen like a Music cat, yourself.

 

 

Thank you all. I guess at the end of the day, you're right. Unless you make

up some lie or story, telling the truth and being honest and up front is the best

policy and you can't please everyone 100% of the time.

 

Morrigan is right. As far as touring goes, my current band goes on many tours.

we get along well on those tours, but the guys are all about getting drunk once

you get to the venue and screwing any chick that gives them a wink. In OUR

van. Ugh. And these guys have girls back home. Were not 17 anymore. But that's

how my bandmates roll. The rock n roll cliches are so boring.

 

Anyway, I'm not a prude, but i'm not down with a lot of the rock n roll things that these

guys are into. I'm into the art of creating music. I don't care about touring or record deals

I just love playing really good music. It's hard to find guys'gals like me. This other band

seems more into trying new things, exploring different avenues, they are better musicians too.

they have different attitudes toward their art and the way they present it.

 

Anyway, i'll firgure it out.

 

Thanks for your advice.

[bicyclejunk]

Been there buddy...

 

Many people don't know this, But that's one of the Hardest things, leaving a band for another

or trying to figure out a way to tell a band you don't dig them anymore. There are a lot of

burnt bridges and fractured egos in the land of music groups.