Axee Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 Hi everyone, I come from a traditional set up where arranged marriages are normally held. But now there is a weird clash of arranged and love marriages. The youth now wants love marriage but since they didnt find someone on their own they want to know and understand the person a bit before committing to them. So inshort, finding a guy or a girl has become like a mini dating process, where you meet once or twice and decide upon that based on other family factors as well. Now coming to me, I am good looking girl but unconventioanlly so, a bit broad, highly qualified, earning well. very good family..I have had a number of heart breaks in the past ( atleast 2 ) , and now when I meet these men , Many dont accept me, just judging me on first look and many I dont because I have felt something doesnt click... I am already a commitment phobic girl.. But this constant meeting of losers is really given me dillusionment and once upon a time a girl who had stars in her eyes about marriage is now dreading it... Please help me , is this normal.. I think I cannot love anyone .....and no one can love me the way I am.. I feel very depressed at times ... thinking that I am a winner in everything but my mental block and situation hasnt led me to the right person for me... Please help me ... Link to post Share on other sites
kae Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 it`s sad but it`s a good thing not to have stars in your eyes. I find that being blinded by first impressions is painful in the end. so consider yourself lucky you wont be going through that again. it sounds like you still need time to heal over your heartbreaks. it also sounds like you think too highly of yourself by bragging about your looks and money and calling others losers. u sound mean. ya your not in love but you shouldnt hate either.. go get some humility. find some kindness..and you`ll find hope. good luck your attitude. never let anyone affect you so much that they bring out the worst in you. emotional control is vital for marriage. **** always happens.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
strongnrelaxed Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Hi everyone, I come from a traditional set up where arranged marriages are normally held. But now there is a weird clash of arranged and love marriages. The youth now wants love marriage but since they didnt find someone on their own they want to know and understand the person a bit before committing to them. So inshort, finding a guy or a girl has become like a mini dating process, where you meet once or twice and decide upon that based on other family factors as well. Now coming to me, I am good looking girl but unconventioanlly so, a bit broad, highly qualified, earning well. very good family..I have had a number of heart breaks in the past ( atleast 2 ) , and now when I meet these men , Many dont accept me, just judging me on first look and many I dont because I have felt something doesnt click... I am already a commitment phobic girl.. But this constant meeting of losers is really given me dillusionment and once upon a time a girl who had stars in her eyes about marriage is now dreading it... Please help me , is this normal.. I think I cannot love anyone .....and no one can love me the way I am.. I feel very depressed at times ... thinking that I am a winner in everything but my mental block and situation hasnt led me to the right person for me... Please help me ... Sorry you are struggling Axee. Welcome to modern society brought to you by radical feminism. Not the good feminism that fought for equal treatment of women, but the new vicious kind that casts all men in the role of rapists and oppressors and scares men away from great women like you. Perhaps you might consider taking a break from this marriage thing. I am sure you have family pressures, and that can be harsh. Take your time and make friends, find hobbies, interests and pursue your career. When a woman is trying hard to get married, men can sense this. Speaking from the perspective of a man, I would prefer to meet a woman who is just walking through life in no particular hurry to get married. The innocent perhaps naive romantic part of me wants to think that she is just living her life open to possibilities and then she meets me and POW! It happens. If I sense that a woman is "looking" for a husband, and we click, I will feel odd. I will feel like she is primed for marriage and that any old guy would have fit for her... I just happen to be the one who showed up and hit the right notes. That does not feel very magical or appealing. It feels like a job interview. If you try to fake it, men will be able to tell. You will likely get a man who is from the same mindset and more likely to see you as the one who came along at the right time. That feels very cold to me. Perhaps that is just a very personal thing and to each his or her own. Marriage is NOT mandatory in life. No matter what anyone tells you. There are enough suffering children in the world. We need to rethink this whole thing. The institution and our laws are broken and coupled with all this pressure to get married, it is a real disaster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Axee Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 Kae, I do think your are right, I need to have kindness about me, but I have been heart broken a copuple of times, and now kindness just feels alien to me.. because i feel no body really cares 'that' deeply about anyone anymore.. Its more about attraction and convenience thats about it.. Strongnrelaxed, I am really mulling over ur idea of taking a break... But lot of family pressure.. But thank u both of u, taking ur time out to reply to me.. I really appreciate it ... Link to post Share on other sites
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