feeling neglected Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Hello, My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now. I am 27, he is 26. Everything has been great, except for this whole internet thing. See, he likes to use the internet to check out other women in our area.... you know, look at their asses, their boobs..etc. Local women only. Now, he's talking to one he found recently, but supposedly it is innocent. I've had a really really bad feeling something is going on..so I started reading his email on this board. This girl first said to him "too bad you have a gf", and they have since corresponded. I dunno about you guys, but out of respect for my other, wouldn't you STOP communicating with someone you didn't know if they were flirting with you? Anyway, he's been talking to her. Now, he deleted all the emails from her, and the ones he sent to her as well, in the past 2 days. Oddly enough, those are the only ones he deleted. Now, he forgot to delete the ones from today. So, I signed on his messenger account.. and within 2 seconds, she IM's me thinking it is him. some of the things she said "so, does your gf know we are talking?" and "I would hate to get a nasty email from her about the email I sent you earlier today"... I think something is going on.. but am I just being jealous or overracting.. hard to tell when you're so heated. Advice please!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Wellnowuknow Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 He obviously has something going on. And he only looks at local women..what does that tell you... And that's online.. imagine how he is at work or anywhere. Wtf! I would pretend to be him next time and talk to her through Ims and see what she has to say. Or I would just tell him wtf do you think your doing sending this little Hoe emails... tell him you dont like it and that he needs to respect you or you will leave his A**!! Link to post Share on other sites
nvroadkill Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Ditto to the 1st reply! Based on what you've shared - If her IM's are that intimate (referring to you - the GF) then they are having a affair (regardless of whether or not they have met in person). Someone who encourages such activities has or will eventually have one IMHO. FYI: he probably has an alternate email addy that he uses as well! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 If they haven't had contact they will, unless you bust him. Confront him with the facts. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Sorry, I know you are confused. Also, your bf is probably filling your head with lies so now you don't even know which way is up. I like numbering things, So let's get started. 1.) Even if he hasn't met her, he is emotionally cheating on you. 2.) If he cared about your feelings he would stop now. 3.) He has either cheated OR he is planning on cheating. So get real. Tell him to stop or you will break up with him. Or better yet, just break up with him now for starting this internet dating s*** in the first place. It's not respectful to you and he is not serious about your relationship. Sorry for the bad news... I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Originally posted by Wellnowuknow Hello woman are you retarted. Ok this was a tad rude, don't ya think?! Respect people's problems as you would want yours to be respected. To the original poster...confront your boyfriend no doubt. You may be on the market soon with his actions! Thank God you found out when you did. Hope everything goes well for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 His behavior is inappropriate. I would confront him. Link to post Share on other sites
Wellnowuknow Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 everyones entitled to their own POV Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Originally posted by Wellnowuknow everyones entitled to their own POV ...not when the moderators have to go in and REMOVE your Point Of View. You are then no longer entitled to personally attack people on this forum. It's called an attack, not a point of view. Scroll up and check out your own post if you haven't a clue of what I'm referring to. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Sweetie, this man may not be cheating on you right now, but he's sure looking to. Local women? Yea. Totally inappropriate. Things obviously have not been great. Tell him he's busted. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Originally posted by Wellnowuknow Whats wrong with this post? I dont see anything wrong with it? IN fact my post was the first reply and They seemed to agree with me so RELAX!!! My goodness. That's AFTER the edit. {Reference Deleted} That's what I was referring to as rude and uncalled for. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I saw the comment too tiki Link to post Share on other sites
Wellnowuknow Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 I wrote what I thought..I didn't think it was rude..maybe my conception of rude is not the same as yours. Now had the original poster said hey dont call me {deleted}. I would've apologized, but that's because I was talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Anyway, back to the original thread....just wanted to point out that the original poster isn't a retard. Back to your regularly scheduled program... Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Oh yeah the signs are all there. He's either cheating or he plans too. I say bring it up to him and put the evidence out and get a str8 response from him. But either way you shouldnt be with a person who doesnt respect you and he obviously doesnt respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Leave him NOW! Holy Moses! Don't even stop in the door-way! Leave him a note on the table that says: "Dear John, I'm gone......you can have your privacy now with all your New Girlfriends. Have a nice life!.........Good-bye." Talk about the Kahones on this guy! I don't even want to get started............. My heart is broken for you Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Feeling neglected, I feel for you. Originally posted by feeling neglected Now, he's talking to one he found recently, but supposedly it is innocent. So when you told him you didn't find it appropriate he just dismissed your feelings? I dunno about you guys, but out of respect for my other, wouldn't you STOP communicating with someone you didn't know if they were flirting with you? it would have been the right thing stopping to communicate, or at least stopping the flirting .....or it would also have been more correct inform you he was 'just flirting' and give you his e-mail password so you could check what she was writing to him and what he was replying to her. .. but am I just being jealous or overracting.. You are not. I think you nailed it in your fist post's title: your bf is a cheating, lying a*****e. What are you planning to do? Confronting him? Writing to the girl he's been exchanging e-mails with and asking her what is going on? Dumping him? I strongly advise this last option. It doesn't sound like he'll stop this behaviour. Btw, Tikibrandy, that was very well said. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Hold on here a second! This girl's boyfriend is the one having the relationship with the poster.....correct? Then THAT is who she should have words with NOT the "other" woman............for now........tee, hee, hee. If the poster verbally attacks the "girl on the itnernet" he will get defensive and angry and won' t hear a word that she is saying to him. I have learned through life that "you can catch more flies with HONEY" Do not call him names, Do not call "her" names. State your case; tell him what you know and even if he comes back at you with the "What?.....you were snooping around in my e-mail account" BS then you reply to him...."yes I did......and it's a good thing too.......I actually thought you were a good guy that could be trusted" walk over to the computer give it a kiss - pat the monitor, smile and walk out the front door! Do not give him a chance to insult you..............leave. Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 If the poster verbally attacks the "girl on the itnernet" he will get defensive and angry and won' t hear a word that she is saying to him. I wasn't thinking about attacking her.... she could be a valuable source of information. Some people will spill everything once they realize that if you dump your bf he'll be single and available. But I love your idea of how to confront him. It's classy! Link to post Share on other sites
cake Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Oh guys are such pains aren't they. I think the situation with the looking at porn on the internet is not such a bad thing. BUT, I would rather have him looking at girls he does not know rather than at girls he may actually meet. I understand a guys need to look at porn and as long as that doesn't take away from your sexual experiences together or time together in general, then it shouldn't be a problem. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a girl and our first reaction is to think " I must not look good enough. Why does he want to look at other people?" but I don't think that is the case. I look at it like this: I think my boyfriend is beautiful and great, but I could still get turned on looking a naked people I do not know. It's natural. Have you thought about wantching a movie together.. it could be very exciting... As for the other matter of his talking to this girl, that is absolutely unacceptable. I would ask him (1) What is your relationship with this person: friend, family, girlfriend... has to be one of them.....The I would ask: (2) What are you getting out of these correspondances with this girl. If he responds (which he propably won't) then ask if there is a way that he could get these same things from you. This at least will give you more information about what his intentions are and make him own up as to his intentions. Sounds to me like his intentions are bad... If you can not accept that, then tell him that it isn't acceptable.. don't waist your time runnning around playing inspector gadget.. it will just make you crazy and in the long run won't help... Link to post Share on other sites
feeling neglected Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Thanks for the amazing response everyone.. And for wellknown.. I am NOT a retard. (and for the record, it's retarded, not retarted) Just confused and hurt. Your insult was not warranted, thank goodness for moderators. I did confront him after I posted that.. almost immediately after I found out what was going on.. Of course he denied everything, even with proof. He just doesn't get the fact that regardless, he should have ceased communication with her after she hit on him initially. I know he's at fault for pursuing their convo's.. emotionally cheating?? No doubt, I agree. I've been telling him that for a while now with the other issue we've had about him checking out local women online. He's stuck by his story though.. he's not cheating, never intended on it..didn't realize she was hitting on him, he's oblivious, had no clue, wants to marry me, wouldn't let a internet girl come between us, etc etc. Don't worry, I'm not buying it. Thank you again everyone.. you def verified what I knew.. I was just too hurt to realize it at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 I'm so happy for you that you didn't fall for the "game" lol And you are not "retarded". If every girl that had a question about their relationship or was just so in love that they were blind to what they were seeing was retarded then wow every girl I know would be "retarded"! Move on and be happy you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 Yeah, if we listed all the stupid stuff I put up with, you might just think I was retarded! Anyway, I hope you stay strong. Your guy never admitted he did anything wrong! Therefore, he would totally do it again. And he's just a small "ooops" away from hooking up with another girl. Don't let it happen to you. Find a guy who needs you and only you! Link to post Share on other sites
You are Not Alone Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 My ex-boyfriend has playboy magazines in his room from the past and letters from ex-girlfriends and pictures he has yet to throw away and watches porn. And checks out girls when we go out places. We have been together a year??? what is the deal? And I always said it made me feel uncomfortable and he never listened to my feelings. No way girl... something is going on. Leave him. Someone else will no do that to you. If he loved you he would make you happy and stop. He wants to still be single. So let him be. He will be missing out not you. Link to post Share on other sites
sally1530 Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 My ex-husband to be (found out he was cheating 28 days before the wedding), look at my posts on cancelled wedding.... more detail about his doings. Anyway, I snooped and found out my man was emailing 3 different gals and I printed out one... which he was exchanging pictures with (naked by the way). He insisted he didnt cheat on me and that he didnt cross the emotional or physical line with any of these gals... well he definally did emotionally.... he lied 7 times to me in a hour, he showed me his profile and picture (with his shirt off) that he had on lavalife.com, in the intimate encounters section (looking for sex , advertising he was single and what he wanted ) It made me sick, one of three gals was local and wanted oral sex... I guess he never respected me in the first place, no wonder he only had 3 one year relationships in his life, hes 38 years old... he also lied about how long he was on this site, he said 4 months of our engagement, nope it was 14 month of our entire relationship... I forgave him and said we really need to work on trust issues....and 3 days later he cancelled the wedding without my knowledge... everyone in his family knew it was cancelled before me ( this was the night before the wedding shower) and he told me to move out the next day, so I did, gave him back the ring and made him pay 18,000 for a wedding that never happened... he hates me and never wants to see or talk to me again, im fine with that... what a looser... its been 3 months now, im getting back to my life and dating others... you really got to wonder what this guy thought of himself... what a ego... he thinks hes all that.. well not with me anymore... you dont get you cake and eat it too..... you cant be single and married at the same time... obviously he couldnt give up his wrong doings and now hes single. Link to post Share on other sites
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