my so called "European" mother

[ballerina]

i just want to share with you the story of my mother

i was born to Arab father and Asian mother,my parents fell in love with each other madly,they get married and have 3 children,after few years my mother started to cheat on my father and just decided to left us and walk away to her home country in Asia (i was 3 years old)

i was raised by my Arab father until then,for 18 years in my life we didn't know where she was or who she was,she didn't even bother to ask about her children or anything

one day during my college days i received a letter from our mail box..yes it was my mother,she wrote that she is in Europe and working to get European citizenship ..and she regret all what she done to us and she is asking our forgiveness

my father refused to have any contact with her but he give me the choice to contact her...i deiced to forgive her and have new page in our life

after few months of the letter i manage to meet her...when she first saw me she hugged me tight and start to cry..i told her is ok we can open new page in our life and start again

so i lived with her in apartment in few months...it was the most intense months in my life

she was freaking judgmental and criticizing toward me and other people

she keep telling me: in Europe blah blah..in Europe blah ...in Europe we are that blaaaaah ...in Europe we don't do this and that ..i'm European now so don't ask about my native Asian country...i have European mind not Asian mind :/ (yes she did say all that)

the most horrible things she said is her negativity toward Arab..i don't understand that since my father and his family treated her like princess...my Arab family is very open and accepting toward her ...even when i show her my family photos she started to cry and say that my Arab family were like her only true family she ever had in her life but i'm surprised by her attitude toward Arab in general...she keep saying hurtful things about Arab women.....she did say lot of negative things to me personally

and she is so materialistic like to showing off her expensive stuff and keep brag about her stuff even infront of strangers (which obviously stupid thing to do)

i told her about my education development and my career choices hoping to make her proud

and you know what she said ? ..she said "i'm more intelligent than all people who have degree" :/

i'm really surprised by her bitchy attitude! who on earth she is ? btw she married an old European guy and divorced him later...she had son from him and she keep threatening him and use my half brother to make him pay extra money to her and she is so proud of what she is doing :/

she see herself as hardworker and true survivor!! and also dare to criticize other people ! also she doesn't take care of my half brother...my grandmother is the one taking care of him at the moment...i'm sick of her selfish actions and offensive statements

apparently she is also alcoholic as her ex-husband family complained

 

i deiced to cut my ties to her and when i did that she called me and told me i did that because i'm stupid Arab women ...after that i erase her existence from my life,mind and heart

[Ninjainpajamas]

Sounds like you had to see for yourself who your mother really is. It must have been difficult for your father to see you try and reconnect with her, and knowing all that she did and is capable of.

 

I'm sorry that she didn't take this opportunity to be there for you after so many years, but it seems clear that your mother has issues in her life that have made her own life difficult.

 

She values the things that can be easily replaced in life and in things that do not change and she has complete control over...the material. She sees the world through a superficial and critical view so she doesn't have to face her own mistakes, seems as though she only wanted you back in her life because of how she felt and wasn't ready to give you anything that would make you feel closer and connected to her after all that had been missed out.

 

However It seems as though you had at least a somewhat stable childhood and family support and you see like a confident woman who knows what she should tolerate and what she should not without having any over the top emotional reactions that cause you to be destructive.

 

Hopefully you can take something positive away from this experience and learn how destructive people can be to their own lives...which causes so much pain to so many others in their life.