Now engaged! Planning wedding....OY the budget....blowing off steam

[sumdude]

So I found a nice engagement ring, staying close to my budget but went a tiny bit over. I gave it to her at the top of a lighthouse at the beach. She said yes! We're happy!

 

Now the planning stage. Of course we want the nice wedding and a reception with great food etc. But wow what a financial burden. W don't expect much help from family. No matter how you slice it we'll have at least 100-120 guests. Where we live the cost of living is high so even cutting corners food and beverages alone will be at minimum $40 a head. So right there without a hall it's $4000! Likely more like $6000. Boy, what a way to start out. Going into debt.

[tiki]

My fiance and I engaged on Saturday...congrats to you too! This is a second marriage, so with the marriage, we aren't going to go all out. The honeymoon, different story. We're taking a hawaiian cruise. We are trying to find a $100.00 wedding...very simple, as close to nothing as possible. We are going to marry on the beach with only him, I, the minister and a photographer.

 

Good luck. Start saving now. I don't know your ages, but maybe the parent's will pitch in?! =/

[quankanne]

I think this is where the art of compromise will be very much needed. One way to try to keep costs down is to look at it like a building project and get at least 3-4 estimates for each "component" of the wedding and go from there. What you save in one area might allow you to splurge a little in another.

 

another idea is to find someone who can take care of certain segments for a set fee. When my best friend got married, the restaurant she chose for the dinner threw in the cake and decorations and the party room just for booking her reception there! and it was a pretty hearty dinner (no alcohol there, though). this same girl saved a ton of money by renting out her dress, veil and shoes from a consignment store, figuring she didn't want to be stuck with a dress she only wore once (the aversion came from being a bridesmaid in 9 different weddings!) -- and she still had photos of her in a gorgeous dress, thanks to the photographer they hired. and her brother's fiancée's family owned a flowershop, so they kicked in the flowers for the wedding.

 

not sure who else does this kind of thing, but there is a Mexican tradition of padrinos (godparents) sponsoring different parts of the wedding: one couple provides the cake, one or two cover the alcoholic beverages, another one or two cover the costs of the meal, one provides for the flowers, another helps with the cost of decorations and so on.

 

of course, there are some wacky things I've heard of couples doing to have a nice wedding. in the news recently, there was a young engaged couple who held a carwash to raise funds, and several years ago, another couple sought out corporate sponsorships to create their dream wedding!

[CaterpillarGirl]

Consider having your wedding:

1) On a weekday

2) In another location

 

This will cut down on the guest list, but the ones who really want to be there (mom, dad, etc.) will still be there. Also, another location might be less expensive for you in the long run.

 

There is wedding budget calculator on the internet, at theknot.com

 

If you can, consider a wedding coordinator. She/he will be able to work within whatever budget you have and save you tons of headaches. Usually, their salary is about 10% of your budget.

[katie79]

Are you guys still young enough to live at home? Maybe if you temp moved back home, you could use the rent money to help pay for the wedding. If you're both too old to live at home, don't worry, just pay attention to your budgets, work together, and be realistic about what you can and can't afford. Maybe you'll have an engagement party, people give the future bride and groom money at that event. Believe me, you'll be suprised, you can do it! You're not alone. That 's the NUMBER 1 problem most newly engaged couples have. I'm sure you'll do well.

[SoleMate]

My wedding coordinator saved me BUCKETS of money! She had access to a caterer who did a nice meal for $12 a head. (GRanted, this was 1989, but still, it was WAY less than a typical charge.)

 

Have a morning wedding with a brunch afterwards. That way you can serve quiche instead of expensive prime rib.

 

Have a buffet rather than a sitdown meal with waiters.

 

Get friends and family to help you by reheating Costco appetizers. Make it more of a family event, not a fancy shindig. Serve Charles Shaw wine at $2-3 per bottle. Hire some day laborers/local teenagers to pour.

 

DON'T go into debt that you can't handle for just one day. It's important to have all the people you care about there...but NOT important to make it a "drop-dead" event.

 

Often your church will have a hall that is cheap to rent. Or consider the outdoors.

[sumdude]

Hey thanks all. It's a lot of planning and decision making. We're in our mid 30's and have been living together for 4 years. Moving in w/ the folks is not an option for sanities sake. I don't expect any financial help, my folks can't afford it so I would hardly accept much so as not to burden them. Her family, well let's just say 'Ain't gonna happen'. We've already though about going buffet style and other options to save money. We're just getting started on the research so I wanted to blow off some steam. It's a bit overwhelming. We live in a big metropolitan area so things are more expensive and there are so many options.

 

First we have to pick what kind of ceremony. I'm conflicted a bit. I was brought up Catholic but wouldn't say I'm practicing. Part of me wants to have a simple officiated ceremony and part of me want the traditional church wedding mainly to keep the family happy and it's no skin off of my back. But it does lead to other questions and definately complicates matters. Generally you can't just go to any Catholic church and get hitched. There's are all sorts of rules, regulations, membership fees (I mean dues or tithing or whatever you want to call it).

 

My fiancee is flexible with the ceremony. She just wants to be married. She wants the dress, the wedding party with the girls in matching dresses etc etc. Me and the men in Tuxes. That's not the big part. She's very reasonable about the reality of the dress being worn once and doesn't need to go crazy there.

 

Financially it's the receptiuon that hits the hardest. We'd like to throw a great party with drinks, food and dancing. We're not worried about a band. I play in one so i wouldn't feel a need to hire one. Not that I'll be playing that night or ask my freinds to. We're going to burn CDs for the whole thing. Pre plan the playlist. That way We're not stuck with some DJ playing those same old tired annoying songs they play at weddings.

 

Any advice is very welcome.

[katie79]

Samdude-

Tell your "bride to be" she should go to davidsbridal

 

Dresses are normally on average b/t $2500 and up! There they are reasonable. B/t $200-800 on average $500. NOt too bad. Places like Lord&Taylor sometimes sells them for $100-$300. They don't have big trains or any--I hate those anyway and she might not care for them much either.

Buffet I think is WAY better. You can select whatever food you want to eat. When you order actual dinners, sometimes they suck, not every guest likes what's on the menu.

[binturong]

I've been to 3 David's Bridals in 3 different cities. I hate their customer service. HATE IT. We're getting married in a church because that's what the groom wants, but that costs $2000 instead of just $300 to tack on a ceremony at the reception hall. Our reception is at a small hotel, which is nice because they throw in a bridal suite for free for the night of the wedding. All we'll need is a limo to get us from the church to the reception and it can leave. Less rental time. One thing you want to remember when looking at prices is that you usually end up TIPPING most of the vendors. I know for our reception, we can get a sit down dinner with open bar for $76/person, but once you tack on the tax and their 19% gratuity fee, it's a LOT more money. Sometimes buffet is more expensive too. The place we're using charges $90/person for the buffet. I think you'll find you can save a lot of money making your own invitations. I found some I liked that were $300 for 50. I'm making better ones at under $200 for everything including postage. My hobbies include making soap and bath products, so our favors will be lip balms and soaps with cute labels.

[SoleMate]

Wedding dress ---> BUY ONE USED! Yes! They are frequently offered for sale ("never worn"). I just checked craigslist (online classifieds) and found many dozens in my area, from $50 to $300. For example: http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/clo/36969995.html Some sound gorgeous. There is even a French satin maternity wedding gown available!

 

PLEASE don't pay $2500 for a dress to wear only 1 day. The thought makes me nauseated...

[katie79]

Yeah, actually that's the one thing I forgot to tell you about David's Bridal, their service sucks. They have nice dresses and cheap prices though. My sister go her dress there 3 years ago. THe customer serivce experience was bad. No one helped us. But she found what she wanted and didn't pay much.

[HokeyReligions]

ELOPE.

[Debster]

Search for the book 'fire your wedding planner' . It is available online. It has tons of tips on how to save money.

[sumdude]

Thanks all. My fiancee has check out David's and ran out after the insane atmosphere and horrid service. She found something she likes that's reasonable at a place called Lady Hamilton.

 

We've thought about eloping. Very tempting. I'd still like to have something, there's something about standing before the world at some level and showing that you're really doing it. We'll get it worked out one way or another. I've been reading the small print on the reception menus and the added service charge and gratuity often add up to 30%.

[katie79]

GEE! All this sounds kinda scary---more so financially! I wonder how the hell we're going to do it when we get engaged! I'd better start saving up and so should he. This is why I want a Spring 2006 wedding, no sooner, no later! This I think gives us enough time to save and plan. Not to mention we don't live together. So we will both have to also plan a place to live including furniture and stuff! My sis told me we should look for a place 6 months before the wedding to find something decent w/ a good price. Also, to look for furniture and stuff! There's really a lot to engagement I guess. It's not just a waiting period, but it's also a time to save and choose wisely so you both don't wind up at a wedding you don't like and a nasty place to live!

[jmargel]

I'm in the same boat. My fiancee got her dress at David's for $400. But this is what I have to come up with:

 

$3500 for the reception w/ food

$375 for the DJ

$120 for my Tux

$1000 for the honeymoon

 

My mom has helped out w/ the little things, like the center pieces, etc.. My fiancee has put a $1000 into it, and her mom gave us $1200. So far her dad just "promised' to by her wedding dress, but we still haven't gotten any money from him.

 

I also came to realize she was in credit card debt, to where she couldn't help with bills, so I had to help her with that. Her new job after graduating college actually pays less then what she was making before she was done with schoo. Nice, huh? Anyway, I made her cut up all 10 of her credit cards. She was able to keep one.

 

So, whatever we get in wedding gifts, money-wise, is going in MY account.

 

I guess part of the cost was my fault, my company is pretty close-knit and I invited them all (30 employees). Thinking only a few would come. Yea right, all of them are coming It sucks. My fiancee just wanted appetizers, but I wanted a dinner. Guess I should've listened to her.

 

It's just all these little things are adding up. Like the groomsmen gifts alone were $200. I never knew love could be so expensive.

 

Anyone want to donate to my wedding fund?

[katie79]

Where I live, that wedding is DIRT CHEAP! You can't get a reception/hall WITH food for $3500 anywhere! The cheapest I've ever seen is $9000, unless you rent a hall at the VFW for $1500 and pay for caterers at $7000. Count your blessings. That's nothing. As for her job, college seems to be the answer as a key to make money, but it isn't. Nice, huh? Sounds like me now! As for credit, most of America is in debt since the economy went bad a few years ago. Declaring bankruptcy is very common. Nothing to stress over. Happens to the best of us.

[jmargel]

Well then why not have your wedding in PA? Having in NY with those costs seem to be way over. I have a friend who's a photographer, who was to do this wedding in NJ. The family is spending $500,000 on it! I guess the 'father' is an astronaut and has lots of money.

 

I'd never spend that much for one day. My fiance's sis-in-law spent $4,000 on her wedding dress. $4,000 to wear a dress a few hours. Now it sits in her attic. To me that's a waste of money.

[sumdude]

Yup, it's all a bit crazy. I guess the cost issue varies with area. In most cases cost of living and salaries tend to match up as well so it's all relative (pun not necessarily intended). It also depens on how big you want it to be. I can't see getting ours under 100 people. That's both families and some close friend. More likely to be around 150 -175.

[Artifact]

I guess that's the plus side of having a small family and only a handful of close friends! Our wedding guest list is about... oh... 25 people! And trust me, the dress will not cost more than feeding those 25 people!