CarnelianFlower Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Does the guy reacts the same as if a woman spent years with a bf and realize he won't marry her? It happened to my younger brother and they had been together for 3 years. But he's the type that always wanted to get married. Anyways the relationship never recovered afterwards. It's been almost 4 months since they broke up (well he ended it and didn't want to wait more) and he has been single since. It's like he took it very hard and got really hurt that day. I have never seen him like that before. Is this the equivalent of when we get hurt if the guy refuses to fully commit. Does this happen in men too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarnelianFlower Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 Honestly, I've never seen a guy that hurt. I've heard of stories about women living with their bfs and guy never proposes; certain friends of mine went throught that too but didn't think there would be a woman refusing to get marry. How long is it gonna take him to get over it and start dating again? Right after that day, all he expressed was about feeling unloved and like a total loser. Link to post Share on other sites
Alban Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Well without being in someone's shoes you can't really give an answer to it how long it will take or how much it hurts, but I can tell you that he loved her, and that she crushed his world, future, plans, dreams, life. And it will take a long time to forget and heal. He needs time, I hope it will get better for him, I am speaking for my self when I say that I can't see my life without her, she is the light that guides me home. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Men can be devastated, just like women can, when their hopes for a future with someone that involve marriage are crushed. Whether they are refused upon asking or the engagement is broken, men get their hearts broken, just like women do if their SO, whom they want to marry, will never agree to marriage. It's difficult when you invest years of your life with someone, hoping it will lead to marriage, only to find out it doesn't, and you're back to square one. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 I'm not sure it's really fair to try to compare his anguish to that of women's and try to make some kind of analogy. Each person's experience and pain is their's and while there are many similiarities, I'm not sure it's constructive to try to make an across the board analogy. I do think you brother did the right thing though and he needs to be suppported in that decision. The rejection had to be painfull and then the decision to move on also had to of been difficult and painfull but it is the right thing to do. I don't think 4 months without dating is anything to be alarmed about in and of it'self. what I think is more important is is he living a good productive life and starting to enjoy himself a little more and more each day? Rejection always sucks and it does make you feel unloved and like a loser. Those feelings, while inaccurate are normal after a serious rejection or break up. What is more important than how crushed someone was immediately after the event is how functional their life is with each passing day after wards. In other words is he getting happier and feeling better about himself with each passing day and is recovering? Or is he still moping around the house depressed and letting life pass him by? Is her turning to dysfunctional and distructives means of coping like drugs or alcohol or picking up drunk skanks in bars etc? If he's making forward progress and recovering and living a good life then he is recovering fine and no need to worry about no dates in 4 months. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Depends on the man and his relationship style. Evidently, this rejection impacted your brother at an elemental level. He's grieving the death of what was and what will never be. As an anecdote, I haven't dated at all since our divorce was final in Oct. 2010. No residual animosity that I can determine. Met my exW's boyfriend. Traveled a lot. Helped out friends. Been to a couple weddings. Just no real interest in women. Kinda reminds me of how my mom felt after my dad died (she told me). It is what it is. He'll find his way and in his own time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Axee Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Men and women are the same underneath.. There are commitment and emotionally unavailable women as well. Its incorrect to say that women would never refuse to marry etc, there are all kinds of people in both genders.. Maybe the unavailable man part gets talked about more thats all.. Link to post Share on other sites
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