Intimate night with a guy friend and now he's acting weird.

[dawntaylor]

Okay so I'm in an uncomfortable (but weirdly exciting) situation. I have this one guy friend who I met over a year ago through a mutual friend, though we've only become somewhat close in the last eight months or so. We see each other really often, share the same circle of friends and I was always suspicious that we shared some seriously suppressed sexual chemistry. Turns out I was right.

 

About three weeks ago, my best friend had her birthday outing at a club. We all got really smashed and this guy and I ended up hooking up pretty much all night and it was crazy. Lots of passion, fun, attraction. The only bad thing about this situation is that he was in a relationship at the time (though they were on a break when this happened.) We had a lot of sexual feelings exchanged that night, I told him that I think he's sexy, that we should have sex, etc etc... Bad! We didn't have sex that night, only lots of making out and dirty dancing, etc. Drunken words. Anyway, two nights later he broke up with his girlfriend. He said that it had nothing to do with what happened between he and I but that he just wasn't feeling it any more with her.

 

Then last week we all got really drunk again. He and I were at the train station together (waiting for different trains), both planning to head back home to our own places. He was all of a sudden begging me to go home with him and stay with him that night, to which I said yes eventually. The chemistry was too much to deny. As we were waiting for the train, he was shaking and telling me that he's nervous because he's worried he won't be good enough for me in bed. He was physically shaking! I could FEEL his nerves. When we went back to his house, it was on. We were passionately taking each others clothes off, rolling around on his bed, touching each other, everything. It was amazing. Only one thing was wrong... His penis. I don't think he could get it hard (possibly because he was so drunk and was so nervous?).. Anyway. He was pleasing me a lot that night and we ended up being so affectionate and stayed up until 5am talking and being really intimate. Emotionally and physically. He told me that I have "no idea how beautiful I am" and that I am "way out of his league" and that I have "the most incredible body." He kept saying all of those kinds of things to me, though him telling me that I'm "so beautiful" is what has really stuck. He's never been like this before at all.

 

Anyway, he drove me home the next morning and it was fine. I don't feel all that weird about it, it doesn't impact the way I feel/think about him.. Though he's been a little weird and distant. Why is he avoiding me? He acts so awkward when we're talking, especially if it's just he and I. He stutters and everything. Though I don't know if I'm reading too much into it or what. I'm so confused!

 

I can't read him at all. What do you think he's thinking? One of my friends suggests that he has feelings for me but I feel like that's just over analyzing the situation.

 

HELP!

[TaraMaiden]

It hasn't occurred to actually talk to him about it at all, has it?

How old are you guys?

Surely, if you have enough 'sexual chemistry' and abandon to spend the night together passionately, it's not beyond the realms of reason that you actually communicate....?

Sorry, I find these threads - asking complete strangers to access someone else's Mind-machinations - when they are so much more accessible to the OP - mildly bewildering....

 

Talk to him!

[todreaminblue]

Okay so I'm in an uncomfortable (but weirdly exciting) situation. I have this one guy friend who I met over a year ago through a mutual friend, though we've only become somewhat close in the last eight months or so. We see each other really often, share the same circle of friends and I was always suspicious that we shared some seriously suppressed sexual chemistry. Turns out I was right.

 

About three weeks ago, my best friend had her birthday outing at a club. We all got really smashed and this guy and I ended up hooking up pretty much all night and it was crazy. Lots of passion, fun, attraction. The only bad thing about this situation is that he was in a relationship at the time (though they were on a break when this happened.) We had a lot of sexual feelings exchanged that night, I told him that I think he's sexy, that we should have sex, etc etc... Bad! We didn't have sex that night, only lots of making out and dirty dancing, etc. Drunken words. Anyway, two nights later he broke up with his girlfriend. He said that it had nothing to do with what happened between he and I but that he just wasn't feeling it any more with her.

 

Then last week we all got really drunk again. He and I were at the train station together (waiting for different trains), both planning to head back home to our own places. He was all of a sudden begging me to go home with him and stay with him that night, to which I said yes eventually. The chemistry was too much to deny. As we were waiting for the train, he was shaking and telling me that he's nervous because he's worried he won't be good enough for me in bed. He was physically shaking! I could FEEL his nerves. When we went back to his house, it was on. We were passionately taking each others clothes off, rolling around on his bed, touching each other, everything. It was amazing. Only one thing was wrong... His penis. I don't think he could get it hard (possibly because he was so drunk and was so nervous?).. Anyway. He was pleasing me a lot that night and we ended up being so affectionate and stayed up until 5am talking and being really intimate. Emotionally and physically. He told me that I have "no idea how beautiful I am" and that I am "way out of his league" and that I have "the most incredible body." He kept saying all of those kinds of things to me, though him telling me that I'm "so beautiful" is what has really stuck. He's never been like this before at all.

 

Anyway, he drove me home the next morning and it was fine. I don't feel all that weird about it, it doesn't impact the way I feel/think about him.. Though he's been a little weird and distant. Why is he avoiding me? He acts so awkward when we're talking, especially if it's just he and I. He stutters and everything. Though I don't know if I'm reading too much into it or what. I'm so confused!

 

I can't read him at all. What do you think he's thinking? One of my friends suggests that he has feelings for me but I feel like that's just over analyzing the situation.

 

HELP!

 

 

Nerves can cause impotence or performance anxiety also premature ejeculation ....wont go into details but it happens a lot when someone is nervous if they feel intimidated or really have strong feelings for someone be that either physical or emotive.lack of performance for a first time together is a given,high emotions and nerves about performance cause this insecurities body image etc....society and media has done damage to peoples confidence....most first times are a little awkward you are with someone you dont know intimately and the need to impress on a males behalf is expectations for giving pleasure to the female....the female worries more about how she looks males worry more about how they perform human nature.

As a female i shake more than just the first time and I know why the male is shaking so i do everything i can to make it not so awkward i think your partner was sweet and gentle with you even though he was nervous as hell, he is still nervous around you which shows he has high emotions...my voice changes pitch and shakes so i understand the stutter......i normally read people pretty well not lately but i used to......You said he acts awkward....that's because he cares what you think...yes he has feelings for you pretty strong ones.....give him a chance relax him make him laugh females are born nurturers we are meant to nurture it ingrained into every fibre normally ......good luck nurturing make him laugh and best wishes..he sounds like a sweet guy....keep him........deb

[dawntaylor]

Oh my gosh, reading your post has actually makes me think he actually did prematurely ejaculate. I remember he stopped suddenly at one point to go to the bathroom and he wouldn't really let me touch his penis.. Makes sense now! Thank you so much for this haha. I don't know, I'd love to go there and have sex with him to see what it's like, though he is so ambiguous and I'm also partially worried that he thinks that I'm into him. So I'm afraid it could be one of those situations where we're both worried that the other person has feelings. I don't feel like I can talk to him about it, on the night I said it wouldn't change anything and he agreed that it wouldn't. I'm also afraid of seeming too neurotic.

[TaraMaiden]

Love it. We worry about seeming too neurotic, but you didn't worry about how you looked - physically - in a night of wild sexual passion.

I'm not being insulting or rude, but can you see how silly that might sound?

 

You're ok doing one of the most closely intimate, sexually physically emotionally-charged things you could do with him - but you're worried about 'sounding neurotic'...?

 

And this, if I may further say so - is just kidding yourselves....

 

on the night I said it wouldn't change anything and he agreed that it wouldn't.

 

Of course it changed things!

Sex with someone always "Changes things" if it hadn't changed anything - you wouldn't be asking about the intricacies of what happened, here, now!

Things have changed, and how....

[carinarg]

you both were drunk both times???

[todreaminblue]

Oh my gosh, reading your post has actually makes me think he actually did prematurely ejaculate. I remember he stopped suddenly at one point to go to the bathroom and he wouldn't really let me touch his penis.. Makes sense now! Thank you so much for this haha. I don't know, I'd love to go there and have sex with him to see what it's like, though he is so ambiguous and I'm also partially worried that he thinks that I'm into him. So I'm afraid it could be one of those situations where we're both worried that the other person has feelings. I don't feel like I can talk to him about it, on the night I said it wouldn't change anything and he agreed that it wouldn't. I'm also afraid of seeming too neurotic.

 

 

i weould probably eb the same in yoru situation.I have fallen for a shy guy and am stuck a little

 

i bought him some basil today ( i am building a collection of things).My past makes it hard for me to feel like i should even approach......i feel like to tell the truth i dont know what i feel....something holds me back but i am going to ask i have to let down barriers to do the asking in person.....my hands shake when he is near me i feel weak and my heart jumps to my throat......i have only really done this one other time and i nearly passed out everything was reciprocated with my ex at the time i asked him i knew he had feelings for me and i still nearly passed out he had actually kissed me a few weeks before) new years eve......and then sang back to reality when i didn't do anything back.......so it took me two weeks.....i would not worry if it were sex i was interested in i would have no emotions in that regard ...its harder when my heart is involved huge issues....lol....ill let you know maybe....if i havent gone into a coma aft5er i do this......who knows how long it will take me ....i can tpush myself or i will faint......hows that fro neurotic.....;0).....lol....good luck.......let me know how you go ......ill give you a hug....send me one.......bye..heartbeat accelerating..deb

Edited September 10, 2012 by todreaminblue

[dawntaylor]

Awhhh good luck! Sounds like you've got some really strong feelings there! I think you should say something for sure. Let me know! *hugs*

 

Also I have updates on the situation! So we saw each other yesterday. I was having drinks with friends and texted him saying he should come. He couldn't drink 'cause he was driving but he came anyway to see me and hang out. We spoke about it and I said that it was a really good night and I've thought about it since every now and then but NOTHING has changed between us. 'Cause I don't feel like it has too much. I still see him as a really good friend and it's not awkward when we're together. So we said that it was a really good night but we're okay with everything, etc etc... Though he was being slightly flirty with me! He was showing some attraction but it was so mild. He's very hard to read (or am I just so bad at reading men?)

 

Anyway, that night I signed onto Skype and we were chatting. He got a copy of my favourite film Lost Highway and said he was going to watch it. I was acting normal but obviously our night together has changed things for him. This is how the conversation went:

 

Me: "Can I watch it with you?"

Him: "Do you think that's something we should be doing?"

Me: "What do you mean? We're just hanging out, it's a movie."

Him: "I know, I know, it was just one sentence, I didn't think."

Me: "I thought he said we weren't going to let anything change, two weeks ago it would have been fine to go to your place and watch a movie."

Him: "It was just one thing I said that I did not think about. I'm fine with us spending time together... and all that."

Me: "Okay. You speak with this sense of authority sometimes, you know?"

Him: "Can I please go to sleep now? You like it when I speak with authority, don't you?"

Me: "Yeah... Sometimes."

Him: "Good. Goodnight."

 

...I don't understand!? What did he mean by us 'spending time together and all that?' And that whole thing about the authority seems a bit flirty... Don't you think? Why did he get so up in arms and then hurry to leave after he went all weird? I don't understand! Please help! I can't talk to anyone about this because we're keeping everything a secret from all our friends (we're in the same circle of people.)

 

I then texted him.

 

Me: "You're so hard to read sometimes."

Him: "Of course I am. I thought you would have figured that out by now!"

Me: "It confuses me, I'm usually so good at reading people."

Him: "Ha. You will get there. Goodnight Dawn."

Me: "I'll try if it doesn't scare me off."

 

And that's been it... I keep remembering the night we had together, he kept on telling me that I'm 'so beautiful' and 'so out of his league' and all this stuff... I'm so confused!!!!!!!

 

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP! WHAT IS HE THINKING!??

[girlzrule]

He is acting like a little pansy poo. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIM? Make a plan to tell him in person that things have now gotten too weird to be ignored between the two of you and, "Would you consider committing to a relationship with me?"

[TaraMaiden]

Oh god... what did I tell you?

 

Sex changes everything but two people who have hot passionate sex, still can't talk.

 

He enjoyed you as as FWB.

You think there should be more of an emotional connection.

That's it.

He's embarrassed about having 'used' you, you're looking for a more definite declaration.

 

Sex not only changes things, it complicates things in the minds of those who do not have good old sex just for the pure sheer release of it.

 

It was just sex. His penis, fingers and mouth, your breasts, vagina and mouth.

Leave your brain outside when you do this, it's not required for a good old, basic, simple, no-nonsense carnal, lustful phukk.

 

Now?

Now you're over-thinking things.