How to handle two guys?

[Carol]

Hi everyone! Maybe you can help me. There is a guy I have several classes with who has really been coming on to me a lot lately. I'm really attracted to him and love this attention, as I love attention from all guys. But I can kind of tell that he's a player, he's just way more charming and confident than any guy I've ever seen. The problem is that I have a boyfriend who I've been with a little over a month, and it's really the best relationship I've ever been in but all of a sudden this other guy comes along. I feel really guilty for having feelings for him, but I can't seem to stop flirting with him, or other guys for that matter. I just really like flirting, and I realize that I want to have boyfriend yet be free to flirt with whoever I want, and I don't think that's very good girlfriend behavior. I think maybe I rushed into being exclusive with my boyfriend before I was ready. But I know that with this other guy it would be only a physical relationship. I know he's not the right guy for me but every time I see him I just want to get on him! He knows that I have a boyfriend by the way, and continues to act this way around me, which I know should tell me a lot about his character, but I don't seem to care. I haven't actually seen him acting this way around other girls, but I don't know how he really feels about me. I thought about telling my boyfriend we shouldn't be serious, not completely breaking up but being free to see other people. But isn't that kind of selfish? I'm sure this all sounds pretty confusing, but I guess I just need to know which of these guys I need to talk to, what to say, do, etc. Maybe I have more problems than I think I do, I don't know. Thanks for reading, any comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Tony T]

You don't have any problems at all, except for having a boyfriend. You are simply NOT ready for a committed relationship with anyone. You need to be a free agent. Yes, I think you jumped into this boyfriend/girlfriend stuff way too soon.

 

You need to have a talk with your guy and just tell him straight away that you really like him but it just isn't fair to either of you to continue exclusively because you didn't realize earlier that's just not where your head is at right now. Let him know you want to continue to date but the exclusivity thing is something you aren't ready for. If he can't handle that, just say bye bye. It's a lot better for you to tell him your feelings than to be disloyal.

 

Don't feel guilty, don't feel selfish, just be true to yourself and free yourself for flirting, dating, etc.

 

I am also very impressed that you noticed this new guy is a player and you'd just like to play with him. It's not likely you'll get your heart broken if you keep that in mind...so be sure to do so.

 

Get freed up as soon as possible and flirt your brains out wherever you go!!!

[crazy kate]

Carol, I know exactly how you feel. Except I've been in my relationship a lot longer than you. If you feel that you are not ready for a committed relationship, why continue with it? Don't screw with your boyfriend, though. Come right out and say that you don't think you are ready for a committed relationship. That you find yourself flirting with other guys and you don't think it's fair to him for you to be with him when your mind is with someone else.

 

I understand that you feel guilty. As do I when I really really want to flirt with another guy just for the thrill of it. I myself have had to come to terms with the fact that, for whatever reason, I'm not completely satisfied with the man I'm with. It's a human flaw, and you can't beat yourself up over it. But unless you face the truth and be completely honest with your current man, you're going to hurt him, and he doesn't deserve that.

 

Though I am concerned about the character of this new guy...and you seem to have answered your own question. He's cute and you desire him, but what's going to happen after the flame of lust has died out? What the hell are you going to do with him then? He's probably good for a lay, and that's about it. If that's what you want, do it, but don't do it unless you come clean with your boyfriend. Flirting is harmless fun, until it leads to something more. You aren't married, so you can explore different possibilities with all different types of guys. But you can't explore too deeply when the guy next to you thinks he's your one and only.

 

Good luck.

 

Crazy Kate

Hi everyone! Maybe you can help me. There is a guy I have several classes with who has really been coming on to me a lot lately. I'm really attracted to him and love this attention, as I love attention from all guys. But I can kind of tell that he's a player, he's just way more charming and confident than any guy I've ever seen. The problem is that I have a boyfriend who I've been with a little over a month, and it's really the best relationship I've ever been in but all of a sudden this other guy comes along. I feel really guilty for having feelings for him, but I can't seem to stop flirting with him, or other guys for that matter. I just really like flirting, and I realize that I want to have boyfriend yet be free to flirt with whoever I want, and I don't think that's very good girlfriend behavior. I think maybe I rushed into being exclusive with my boyfriend before I was ready. But I know that with this other guy it would be only a physical relationship. I know he's not the right guy for me but every time I see him I just want to get on him! He knows that I have a boyfriend by the way, and continues to act this way around me, which I know should tell me a lot about his character, but I don't seem to care. I haven't actually seen him acting this way around other girls, but I don't know how he really feels about me. I thought about telling my boyfriend we shouldn't be serious, not completely breaking up but being free to see other people. But isn't that kind of selfish? I'm sure this all sounds pretty confusing, but I guess I just need to know which of these guys I need to talk to, what to say, do, etc. Maybe I have more problems than I think I do, I don't know. Thanks for reading, any comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Deejette]

If this guy knows that you already have a boyfriend, then he may be the kind of guy who likes women who are unattainable. The fact that you are not his intrigues him, but once he has you, he will begin flirting with some other guy's girlfriend.

Hi everyone! Maybe you can help me. There is a guy I have several classes with who has really been coming on to me a lot lately. I'm really attracted to him and love this attention, as I love attention from all guys. But I can kind of tell that he's a player, he's just way more charming and confident than any guy I've ever seen. The problem is that I have a boyfriend who I've been with a little over a month, and it's really the best relationship I've ever been in but all of a sudden this other guy comes along. I feel really guilty for having feelings for him, but I can't seem to stop flirting with him, or other guys for that matter. I just really like flirting, and I realize that I want to have boyfriend yet be free to flirt with whoever I want, and I don't think that's very good girlfriend behavior. I think maybe I rushed into being exclusive with my boyfriend before I was ready. But I know that with this other guy it would be only a physical relationship. I know he's not the right guy for me but every time I see him I just want to get on him! He knows that I have a boyfriend by the way, and continues to act this way around me, which I know should tell me a lot about his character, but I don't seem to care. I haven't actually seen him acting this way around other girls, but I don't know how he really feels about me. I thought about telling my boyfriend we shouldn't be serious, not completely breaking up but being free to see other people. But isn't that kind of selfish? I'm sure this all sounds pretty confusing, but I guess I just need to know which of these guys I need to talk to, what to say, do, etc. Maybe I have more problems than I think I do, I don't know. Thanks for reading, any comments would be greatly appreciated.