Mrlonelyone Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 Why is it so hard to forget that special Ex(es)? ExGf's ExBf's ExH ExW's an Ex is and Ex for a reason, and so many years on we are different people for certain. Yet I can't say that even 20 more years from now I wouldn't give it another go. I have someone in mind lately and can't get them out. They were not that great, but we had some good times and funny stories that I still tell. Six years on and off.... eight years ago. There have been others since then but no one quite as memorable. Link to post Share on other sites
RR1 Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 (edited) I know the feeling exactly. There's no doubt that some people strike a special note within us that we can't find with anyone else. I think that's how we know when we have found someone very special. Sometimes it's almost like they've cast a spell that we can't break free from. If that's the case then maybe we shouldn't be breaking free. If the feelings are that strong then maybe we should be going with it and surrendering to the feelings. Edited September 10, 2012 by RR1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 I have tried to learn to accept that while a RLship with that person is probably out of the question that I can still have relationships with other people. When we really feel the real thing, we don't just stop feeling the real thing. The feelings become less sharp and change shape and texture but they never totally go away. If they do, then it wasn't really love at all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 poo, wrong forum Really? This is central to the whole concept of a second chance. If people really stopped caring all together this forum would not exist. There would be no reason for a second chace, other than latent loving feelings. Some of the most compelling second chance stories involve people who reconnected after many many years of separation. Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 I agree with you Mrlonelyone. So often, I imagine that life carries two people down separate paths, and they don't get a chance to meet again. Nevertheless, sometimes, the relationship can serve as an antidote to so many other trials that we face in life. Like when all else seems to fail, the bliss of old memories can offer sweet relief. Better to have loved once, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
NotSoDumbBlond63 Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Unfortunately it seems like if you do manage to cross paths again, one or both of you have accumulated some relationship baggage that probably did not exist in the quantity it does now...making it difficult or impossible to build on the feelings that have for each other... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 @notsodumbblonde Yeah your probably right. The logical part of my brain tells me so much has changed and we both have moved in different directions. The emotional part of my brain lately has just not let me forget. Even while I have been involved with others since. I guess I am just a sufferer of Forrest Gump syndrome. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 because you haven't met that special current. Get out, enjoy life and meet you people. When I am thinking of an ex, 9 times out of 10 it's because the current girl I have met just doesn't match up...either sexually, intellectually, etc. I prefer to look at women like cars. Maybe my ex was my old 2003 BMW 540 Sport that I just loved so much. It was sexy, new, and above all, I was comfortable in it. And tbh, even newer model imports such as the Honda's and Toyota's just don't stack up. But guess what, eventually you will upgrade to a newer model car that completely out-performs the old car that you just loved so much. It will be newer, sexier, and will be, in time, just as comfortable as the previous model. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 Oh Alex Alex. I have met five or six special currents since I was last in a RLship with this person. I get out plenty. Though I see what you mean when someone is right there you don't think of the past. What I am asking here is why this one person is so hard to get off my mind and not anyone else? In many ways they weren't the best or even that significant. Link to post Share on other sites
SeattleBabe Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Because something better hasn't come along yet. Give it time. Once you find someone that makes you just as happier or even happier, that ex will just be a part of the past at some point. Trust me! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 I know, I know. Finding someone good that one can get along with for a long time is hard to find. Perhaps that why so many of us are open to reconnecting with an EX and hold on to the memories of them inspite of ourselves. Oh for a tech that could erase memories. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Why is it so hard to forget that special Ex(es)? ExGf's ExBf's ExH ExW's an Ex is and Ex for a reason, and so many years on we are different people for certain. Yet I can't say that even 20 more years from now I wouldn't give it another go. I have someone in mind lately and can't get them out. They were not that great, but we had some good times and funny stories that I still tell. Six years on and off.... eight years ago. There have been others since then but no one quite as memorable. I've stated this several times in other threads, but I'll say it again here as it's apropos: "You cannot move forward with your life if you're staring in the rear view mirror..." Understand?! You will not get over someone else in the past if you allow yourself to remain attached to them in your present. It's personal self-destruction. And I have more bad news for you. The longer you hang on to your past, the more "RIGHT" people come into your life and walk right past you. You'll never see them as you're wearing blinders with the smallest holes in them to see through. Let go of the past, embrace the future. Once last piece of advice. "Every second of your life that you waste is a second you can never get back..." In other words, the more time you waste the less time you actually have to LIVE. Cheers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 16, 2012 Author Share Posted September 16, 2012 That's so true caliguy. I really wish I could just forget. What the literature says makes a big difference is just why you split up and what keeps you apart. Was it that the Rlship played it self out, or someone cheated,etc., in those cases people have your perspective on this. If on the other hand what breaks you apart is some external force. Moving cities, social or cultural factors breaks up the pair. Then when they meet one or the other is married/committed to someone else. In those cases the feelings tend to linger. At any rate your right. It is best to not think about them and try to focus on whats in front of us. Link to post Share on other sites
andrew-bkk Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 I've stated this several times in other threads, but I'll say it again here as it's apropos: "You cannot move forward with your life if you're staring in the rear view mirror..." Understand?! You will not get over someone else in the past if you allow yourself to remain attached to them in your present. It's personal self-destruction. And I have more bad news for you. The longer you hang on to your past, the more "RIGHT" people come into your life and walk right past you. You'll never see them as you're wearing blinders with the smallest holes in them to see through. Let go of the past, embrace the future. Once last piece of advice. "Every second of your life that you waste is a second you can never get back..." In other words, the more time you waste the less time you actually have to LIVE. Cheers. That's a really good post. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 That's a really good post. You're welcome. Life has taught me hard lessons and all I try to do is save others from having to learn the same things I did -- the hard way. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 That's so true caliguy. I really wish I could just forget. What the literature says makes a big difference is just why you split up and what keeps you apart. Was it that the Rlship played it self out, or someone cheated,etc., in those cases people have your perspective on this. If on the other hand what breaks you apart is some external force. Moving cities, social or cultural factors breaks up the pair. Then when they meet one or the other is married/committed to someone else. In those cases the feelings tend to linger. At any rate your right. It is best to not think about them and try to focus on whats in front of us. If your present life is focused on the past then honestly, you really aren't living. Just some food for thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrlonelyone Posted September 18, 2012 Author Share Posted September 18, 2012 The thing is I am not "focused" on the past. I just think of it from time to time. This was someone I knew for six years, we dated a total of two two and a half of those years. They were significant. But, that was a long time ago now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
about2cross Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I know the feeling exactly. There's no doubt that some people strike a special note within us that we can't find with anyone else. I think that's how we know when we have found someone very special. Sometimes it's almost like they've cast a spell that we can't break free from. If that's the case then maybe we shouldn't be breaking free. If the feelings are that strong then maybe we should be going with it and surrendering to the feelings. Well said... I am dealing with this right now. Under a 'spell' from my sexy hot ex. Just a text message and he can get me going. And I am living with my bf for over 4 years and thinking of ending this satisfying rl bc I feel there is just 'unfinished business' with the ex. So confusing.... I am 43yo and my bf is, by far, my best friend but the desire, excitement and passion are just not there. And, with the ex, that is all that is there - and he is single. Last time I saw the ex was right before I got with my current bf, 4 years ago and we've had very limited contact (birthdays/holidays) until recently. I just don't know if I should give up a healthy rl with good communication that has ho-hum boring sex for the fireworks /passion / desire that I am craving. And, if me and ex were not in communication I probably wouldn't even be thinking about leaving my bf. Advice? Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
salem mark Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 about2cross, Are you in=love with your current boyfriend? (do you think about him when you are not with him?) Link to post Share on other sites
about2cross Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 about2cross, Are you in=love with your current boyfriend? (do you think about him when you are not with him?) Yes, I think about him. We live together. We talk every day. Our lives are very entwined. I love him, absolutely. Am I "in love" with him? Not sure, I don't even know if I know what that means anymore. Even just now, I was going to text him, I get my phone and receive a text from him. We are definitely still connected. Just trying to figure out if he is just a great/best friend . We still have sex - its just not passionate and there is no desire. Link to post Share on other sites
salem mark Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Yes, I think about him. We live together. We talk every day. Our lives are very entwined. I love him, absolutely. Am I "in love" with him? Not sure, I don't even know if I know what that means anymore. Even just now, I was going to text him, I get my phone and receive a text from him. We are definitely still connected. Just trying to figure out if he is just a great/best friend . We still have sex - its just not passionate and there is no desire. about2cross, you realize that's the norm (loss of passion) in longterm relationships, the passion dies, again I ask the question " If someone , a stranger walked up to you and blindly said, are you in love? How would you respond? Link to post Share on other sites
about2cross Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Still trying to figure out what being 'in love' for me means but, if forced to answer, I think I would have to say no. Link to post Share on other sites
ItsAllOver Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Why is it so hard to forget that special Ex(es)? ExGf's ExBf's ExH ExW's an Ex is and Ex for a reason, and so many years on we are different people for certain. It's so hard to forget that special ex because they are, well, special. If they weren't special, they would be easy to forget. Also, an ex may be an ex for a reason. But in some cases, that reason is not necessarily something that can't be resolved. Sometimes, people break up because timing is wrong, life situations were not ideal at the time, one or both partners simply lacked experience with relationships, etc. All of these things mean that the relationship could have been better with better timing and/or if both partners worked harder to make things work. In other words, an ex may be an ex for a reason. But that reason may or may not be a good one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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